Dear Margo | 07/01/2009 11:00 pm

Dear Margo: A 3-Year-Old Hellion?

Her friend’s daughter is a complete terror … Margo Howard’s bright advice

A 3-Year-Old Hellion?

Dear Margo: I have a good friend whose 3-year-old is a complete terror. The child has no boundaries and has never been disciplined in her life. When my friend and her family visit my home, this little girl is constantly jumping on my furniture, throwing DVDs and torturing my animals. The other day I caught her choking my dog to the point where he almost passed out. My friend ignores this behavior and acts like it’s no big deal. When I take objects away or put my animals outside, the child either throws a tantrum or deliberately waits until I turn my back to resume the bad behavior. It is getting to the point where I can’t hang out with this friend anymore. The last few times we’ve gone out in public with this family, their daughter has hit other children, thrown a tantrum or attempted to take off her clothes and run around naked. Her parents do absolutely nothing. The worst part is that my friend is completely clueless. She told me recently that she wants to sign her daughter up for flute lessons and possibly enroll her in acting classes.

Many of our other friends have stopped seeing this family because of this kid. How can I discuss this problem with my friend without offending her? I have a 1-year-old with whom I am very strict. I fear that if I approach her, the response will be that I just don’t understand because I don’t have a 3-year-old, or that I punish my child too harshly. Honestly, I don’t want to tell my friend how to raise her child; I just want this kid to learn to respect other people and their things. — About To Lose a Good Friend

Dear Ab: People are tetchy about criticism of their children, so don’t expect your friend to welcome what you have to say. I would encourage you, though, to tell her that the acting out of this child is a sign of psychological disturbance and you highly recommend seeing a child specialist. This kid is crying out for attention and limits. You might point out the number of friends who have peeled off and ask her to think objectively about a youngster who has no discipline and exhibits a lot of bizarre behavior. None of this may sink in until the flute teacher, for example, removes her from the class, or other kids’ parents refuse to let her come play. — Margo, necessarily

Where Is Your Boyfriend? He’s in the Joint

Dear Margo: I am a 20-something going for my master’s degree. I have been fortunate enough to have met a man who is caring and wonderful. He knows me as well as anyone does, but here’s the problem: He is incarcerated, and the friends and family I have told are horrified. I have not told my mother yet because I know she will be upset. No one seems to be supportive of this relationship, and I don’t know how to tell people that I know this is my destiny. How can I tell them that I am confident in my choice and that I am happy? — Struggling

Dear Strug: Well, I suppose you could say you are confident in your choice and that you are happy.

I hope you understand that your friends and family have your best interests at heart, and a guy in jail may not sound to them like a real catch. What you don’t say is what this man is in prison for and how long he will be there. I hope you are aware of the rather well-known fact that prisoners famously con people "on the outside" to wait for them, send money, etc. I think whether or not you knew this chap before he did what he did and went to the clink is crucial. It sounds to me as though your mind is made up, but you would do well to give it a think, as the Brits say. — Margo, pensively
***
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

Every Thursday and Friday, you can find "Dear Margo" and her latest words of wisdom on our home page at www.wowowow.com. Or better yet, click to sign up for an instant email alert that will send a message right to your in-box every time a new "Dear Margo" column is posted on wowOwow. Click here for all "Dear Margo" columns.

Got a question for "Dear Margo?" Send via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com.

Read more about: Dating, Dear Margo, dogs, Family, Lifestyle, Margo Howard, Relationships, Terror

142 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

It would depend on a multitude of things such as the severity of the crime: Misdemeanor VS Felony, the class of the felony, is the person a habitual offender etc. Then you have to realize that there are many types of correctional facilities from local jails to maximim security prisons. There are many types of incarcerated individuals : Federal prisoners, State prisoners, Local prisoners and Illegals. I don’t believe in the concept of victimless crimes such as ‘white collar crimes’. Take Madoff for example, he didn’t physically harm anyone but he destroyed countless lives. He’d be a dead man if he lived in China.

By Dawn Smith on 07/03/2009 1:48 pm

e-mail alert

Dawn,

Thanks for the rundown. When we got on the subject I was actually thinking about how the Governator [Arnold Schwarzenegger] talked about saving money by commuting the sentences of all illegals in cases where they had been incarcerated for non-violent crimes. CA jails are bursting to the seams and will only get worse.I like his idea of driving those who fit the profile back to their countries and dumping them there.

PS Maybe we should have sent Madoff to China.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/03/2009 2:14 pm

e-mail alert

Andrea,

Illegals that are not charged with crimes are deported pretty quickly from this country. Many return only to be deported again. They cannot leave the United States on a Federal Flight without being cleared of having TB. That’s about all I know. I would assume that living in California poses a much greater challenge in terms of numbers than other places in the U.S.

Did you see the other post by Margo about the woman who was in love with the pot-grower? Powerful testimonial. Unfortunately the woman’s first clue would have been that the Federal Gov’t was involved. That means a pretty big operation and most likely one that crossed state lines.

By Dawn Smith on 07/03/2009 3:09 pm

e-mail alert

Dawn,

I was actually referring to the 27% of all US prisons that are populated by illegal immigrants [that number may be higher now].

I didn’t know that about being cleared for TB - but it makes sense. Did you know the rate of TB is on the rise is the US? It’s been attributed to the illegals because we pretty much had a next-to-clean slate before the heavy influx of illegals. Schwarzenegger figures he can save #180M by commuting the sentences of the illegals of who have been sentenced for non-violent crimes.

Regarding the pot-grower…..I can’t recall that column. Ordinarily I’d look for it, but since they put up that bloody green Target banner at the top of the screen it takes me 30 times longer to find something since the pages don’t reload as quickly as they should. But definitely, any time the Feds get involved there is some significance to the size of the matter.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/03/2009 3:37 pm

e-mail alert

Andrea, The pot-grower is one of the last posts on this site. It was posted today. Now let me tell you what I do know about illegals. The only ones who are sent to prison are the ones who have commited crimes. The other ones are usually housed in other facilities until they are processed for removal from this country. If Gov. Schwarzenegger can save the taxpayers $180 mil, he would have to speed up the processing of illegals. Now remember this is the federal gov’t were talking about and they move at their own speed. There is other criteria to take into consideration also. If they are sick, they have to be treated. This is all passed on to the taxpayers. I do believe it would be against human rights to send an ill person out of this country. I read about a case in Florida where an illegal had cancer or something of that nature and it was costing the taxpayers an exorbitant amount of money to treat this individual. This topic would open the door for every debate imaginable for Health Care and the costs involved. So I’m not going to go there at this time. The statistics I know would blow you off your chair.

TB is on the rise because of AIDS/HIV and other autoimmune disorders that make the patient unable to fight off an exposure. It is airborne and thus easily transmitted. But I have been exposed to many patients who were active ( and found out later !) but have never had it. Nurses have incredible immune systems, we’re exposed to so many organisms but then again we use universal precautions to protect ourselves. First line of defense is good handwashing ! 20 seconds at the least and of course we use gloves. My pet peeve has always been people who chose to sneeze/cough and not cover their mouths. If you have to cough or sneeze, do so in your sleeve or in the crook of your arm. I find doing so in your nurses’ face to prove that you are sick is the rudest thing imaginable. We know you’re sick or we wouldn’t be in your face to begin with. So that is my info/rant for now.

By Dawn Smith on 07/03/2009 4:18 pm

e-mail alert

Dawn, Maybe we’re not on the same page regarding the illegals. I am talking about illegals who have been convicted of non-violent crimes who are sitting in California jails. I’m not talking about federal prisons. Note the statement below: “Schwarzenegger can single-handedly commute the sentences of 3,200 of them who were convicted of nonviolent, non-sexual offenses. Releasing more serious and repeat offenders early requires approval from the state Supreme Court.” http://www.newser.com/article/d98ttvso0/schwarzenegger-looks-to-deport-thousands-of-immigrant-inmates-to-save-the-state-money.html Now if these prisoners are not sitting in federally funded cells and CA has not received federal subsistence for them, then Schwarzenegger apparently does not need federal approval to release. The article is a little ambiguous, but that’s the understanding I have.

I don’t know how the subject of TB came up but since you mentioned it…..TB is on the rise in the US because foreigners are bringing in drug-resistant strains. After they’ve brought it into the US, THEN immunosuppressed people are unable to fight it off. [The increase is not caused by immunosuppressed population.]

I’ll try to locate Margo’s pot-grower story. This website leaves much to be desired in terms of good organizing and display.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/03/2009 6:17 pm

e-mail alert

All Illegal Aliens are federal prisoners. They fall under the category of Immigration, which is part of Homeland Security which is part of the Federal Gov’t. Alot of Federal prisoners are not housed in Federal Penitentiaries. I see your point about non-violent crimes, throw them out. I was thinking more of illegals that are picked up on sweeps which President Obama has now restricted. These people have committed NO crimes other than being here illegally. I wasn’t going to get into the drug-resistant strains of TB. I didn’t want to cause widespread panic on WOW. But you are correct, it is out there and it is the immunocompromised that are at the greatest risk. I should have been more complete in my response. Thanks for the correction.

Margo’s post is on this blog. It’s at the end.

By Dawn Smith on 07/03/2009 7:37 pm

e-mail alert

If indeed all illegal aliens who are incarcerated fall under the federal domain

By Andrea Brandon on 07/03/2009 9:09 pm

e-mail alert

Dawn,

Sorry, I hit submit accidentally.

If all illegal aliens who are incarcerated are indeed subject to federal Corrections law, then I would still backlog the courts with hearings until enough states do this. Hopefully then someone in Washington will get the message. Why do this? Because the GAO published a report in year 2005 that said that on the average incarcerated illegal aliens were jailed 8 times. Eight times. Now this can only mean they get out, commit a crime, go back in the slammer. Think of all the court time this costs. I say it’s a much better idea to backlog the court once, get the release, turn them back to their country of origin. California, Texas, and Arizona are most victimized by their presence.

http://www.gao.gov/products/GAO-05-646R

I found the testimonial. I don’t know what I can add that hasn’t already been said. The woman was naive and gullible and in denial. The question is WHY it took so long for her to figure this out. She says she was deceived all that time. I find it hard that there weren’t clues as to his intentions. Moral to the story: don’t trust anyone who has been incarcerated. [And no, I don’t give him points for turning himself in.]

http://www.wowowow.com/relationships/dear-margo-howard-3-year-old-hellion-328972?page=7#comments

By Andrea Brandon on 07/03/2009 9:33 pm

e-mail alert

Andrea,

I’m not an expert on this but I think the illegals have to go to Federal Court to be processed, then back for court etc. This would not backlog local judiciary systems, but would indeed backlog the federal court system. I’m not an attorney but just an average citizen who is tired of paying out the nose for every Juan, Yang and Abdullah. I don’t understand why the non-criminals don’t just apply for citizenship.

The other testimonial: I asked myself the same question, but I’ve been on this earth for a long enough time to know that love can be a temporary state of insanity. Have a very Happy July 4th !!!!

By Dawn Smith on 07/04/2009 11:54 am

e-mail alert

Dawn,

I can’t say for certain, but it seems to me that if indeed they do have to go through the Federal courts then yes, it will back log everything. On the other hand, if they stay in jail, then get released on the date they normally would, then they’ll only be back in jail again for something else. These illegals have a notorious history of being in jail an average of 8 times! Think of how much that costs local and federal courts……not to mention all the time we pay for their room and board in the clinker. I say, backlog the federal courts once, get it approved, and send them home.

You have a happy 4th, too, Dawn. Right now we’re crowded, not a place to park anywhere. My neighbor, what a sweetheart, loaned me his new Smart Car so I could get into a tight parking space if I have to run to the store. Everyone’s gearing up for the fireworks and I’m betting half don’t even know what the 4th of July is all about.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/04/2009 5:24 pm

e-mail alert

Andrea, you are too funny !!! I love the Fireworks but just about had enough with the teenagers down the street shooting off fireworks until after 1 AM.

I also agree about expediting their return to country of origin. If they have an average 8 times of being arrested, then my quetion would be: how did they get out of jail without being deported? If they can pay to get into this country, why can’t they pay for their housing when they are picked up?

What’s your opinion about US citizens having to have passports to go Mexico and Canada? Is it for them to keep illegals out or for us to get back in? If I remember correctly, a couple of years ago I walked across the bridge to see Niagra Falls from the Canadian side and had to pay ( in Canadian coins, like I had a pocketful of them) to get back across the bridge. I also had to show proof that I was a US citizen. I also heard that if you buy a house/condo in Mexico that you own the home but not the land it sits on. I wonder how true that is.

By Dawn Smith on 07/05/2009 1:17 pm

e-mail alert

Hi, Dawn,

Hope you had a great 4th……well, at least until the kids down the street started acting up.

“How did they get out of jail without being deported?” Excellent question. But I can’t answer that. I have heard that it’s not at all uncommon for them to get deported and they come straight back over our border to us. On the other hand, maybe there’s a problem in our method of deporting them.

When I lived in New England back in the dark ages, we used to show the agents our driver’s license and that was sufficient. Now with forgery being so common, they’re upping the ante. I don’t remember being asked for ID going into Canada, but I do remember showing proof coming back into the States. I haven’t driven over the border into Canada for years, but I know the laws have changed.

I’ve only crossed the border into Mexico once by car. But that was a long time ago, too. I do recall that coming back into the States the border patrol practically tore my car apart looking for drugs. Took the hub caps off, gutted the trunk……..and naturally found nothing because I had nothing. Regarding owning the home but not the land - I don’t know. I think there was someone who posts here from time to time who lives there and who might know. Maybe she’ll read this and respond.

That said, I do know that there are places in the US where you can own your home, the land, but not the mineral rights. Here’s a link that might answer the question [I haven’t read through it]. http://www.mexconnect.com/articles/2597-mexico-real-estate-buying-renting-and-owning-property-in-mexico

By Andrea Brandon on 07/05/2009 5:36 pm

e-mail alert

Ha Ha !! I meant I had to show the border control from the US that I was a citizen. OOPS ! On the Canadian/US border they have x-ray machines that can see everything in your vehicle. God forbid if I would have had to empty my entire conversion van. After 3 weeks on a roadtrip and endless hours of shopping, I would have been there an entire day. Once they saw my age on the drivers license they probably figured they would be wasting their time. I did drive thru Canada to avoid the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Interesting about the mineral rights. I’ll have to research that. I’ll also check with one of GF’s who has a place in Mexico. It might just be a timeshare, but I’ll ask her. I was only in Mexico once and it was some small island that the cruise line stopped at. Hot and not very interesting. Can’t even remember the name (it made that big of an impression on me).

By Dawn Smith on 07/05/2009 10:40 pm

e-mail alert

Dawn,

Are you thinking of Cabo San Lucas? They’ve been selling condo time-shares like crazy out there for a few years. Cabo is a popular stopover for cruise ships. I was there when it was still a sleepy fishing village. I’m not sure it’s an island. I always knew it to be a peninsula at the tip of Baja California.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/05/2009 11:40 pm