Also, LW#2 seems to be being misconstrued as actually being age 20, even though in her letter she reveals herself to be a "20-something going for my master’s degree", so she’s obviously older than 20. I’d say that makes a difference.

My nephew was just like the kid in the first letter.  You could not take him to a restaurant (even when he was seven) without him intentionally knocking over the adults’ beverages and laughing.  My sister did nothing, blamed his youth.   As he got older, the kids in school wanted nothing to do with him and he became quite a discipline problem for his teachers.  He was held back a year.  My sister says he is a misunderstood genius (I cannot make this stuff up) and refuses to believe anything is wrong with him, even though he is failing many of his subjects and attends summer school every year.  I was in college when I was his age; he is in 10th grade.  He acted out so badly he was suspended from school several times in the past few years.  I am not a parent, so I do not know how difficult it can be to raise a child, but I have common sense and I know I don’t want to be around this spoiled child.  He automatically gets anything he wants.  My sister does not understand why I won’t visit.  Nephew keyed my boyfriend’s brand new car the last time we visited, about five years ago, because D. was tired after the trip and did not feel up to shopping for video games at the precise moment my nephew wanted to go.  My sister saw it happen and did nothing.  It cost $300 to repaint the car.  Our visit was shorter than we had planned, we left the next day.

I don’t know the answer.  I hope he won’t be written off as too little, too late once he is in "the real world".  I grew up in an extremely strict household (no physical punishment, ever) and I learned boundaries.  Parents need to be parents, not enablers. 

Poor dog!  Terrorized in it’s own home, completely unacceptable.  If anyone brought a child to my home and it throttled one of my dogs, the brat and their idiot parent would be told to leave immediately and not to return.  Allowing your child to disrespect someone’s home and torture their pets is not being "a good friend", and I personally wouldn’t tolerate that behavior from anyone.  One of my brothers had monster children who were allowed to run wild, but they were never that bad or I would have dealt with it on the spot.  

Would LW1 take this more seriously if the kid had gotten to and tried to choke or hit her baby?  It may just be a matter of time, and I wouldn’t worry about offending the clueless one, or ruining what’s become an abusive "friendship".  The child is giving clear warnings by savaging pets and other children, and she may be dangerous to others.  LW1 would  be doing this woman a favor by telling her in no uncertain terms that she needs to get that child some help before she does serious harm to someone else’s child, pets, or property.

Letter #1.

The Writer is worried she might offend her friend………….Good god, isn’t she offended by that child’s behaviour and the lack of caring by her supposed friend……………A true friend would not let her children be disrespectful to a good friend………..Sounds like the lackluster mother is nothing more than an acquaintance………….Lose her…

Your animal and home should be of more value to you than this woman and her badly behaved child.

My Husband’s step mother once brought one of her grandchildren to our home for a visit……The minute they arrived this kid was a holy terror.  I simple called him by name and informed him that I didn’t allow that kind of behaviour in my house, He rudely informed me that his grandmother let him act any way he wanted………..Well, let me tell you I informed that child in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t at his grandmothers….He was at my house and children obeyed  my rules here..

I know my mother in law was embarrassed but she told him to sit down.

Of course he was up and at it a few minutes later.  I just politely got up out of my chair and re-seated him and told him to either go outside to play or sit in the chair and behave himself.

There visit didn’t last very long…………..

The next time they came to visit it was without that child………..

I value my home and expect visitors to do the same.

My children were never destructive nor any of my grandchildren.

I’ve heard Older grandchildren tell younger ones…."Grandma doesn’t allow us to do that in the house."..

"We have to go outside to play rough"

When will parents learn that to discipline a child means to TEACH them

Not punish them.

In my opinion ….Allowing children to behave so badly that no one wants to be around them is a dis-service to the child.

You can’t spoil a child with too much love………..they can certainly get Rotten without discipline.

I prefer to play with them……….do art, play board games together..Keep them interested.

Well behaved Kids can be wonderful company.

As an animal lover, I see red when I witness/hear of animal abuse. No child is allowed to manhandle any of my pets. The first time, I will ask the parent to rein in their child, as this is my pet’s home. The second time, I let the parent know I will step in and take care of the situation if there is a third time. This usually works, but when it doesn’t, I pick up the child and seat him/her next to the parent. Amazingly, the parent doesn’t LIKE the child being seated so close, and they leave within minutes. However, even that approach can fail; years ago we lived on an Air Force base up north. The neighbors had two of the worst brats I’d ever seen, since both kids suffered seizures, mom and dad let them do as they pleased. The day I caught the oldest repeatedly kicking my dog, who was in MY fenced yard, I lost it. I picked up the culprit, and gave him a paddling on his rear. When mom came over, I informed her my pets were better behaved than her children would ever be, and if she ever again let her unsupervised children (under the age of five, btw) roam around again, as was her habit of late, I’d turn her in for neglect. 

She quietly gathered her kids and went home, to never darken my doorway nor let them outside by themselves. I sometimes wonder if the kids ended up in juvenile hall. 

Ltr 1: Drop the friend, don’t even try to convince her the kid needs help, she won’t hear you. 

Ltr 2:  Give me a break, all the degrees in the world won’t give you common sense.  What are you thinking?  Are you thinking?  See a DR. and find out why you have such a low opinion of yourself.

One of my best friends had a child that was a terror.  Quite frankly at five years old she frightened me.  She set out to destroy my friendship with her mother.  She told me to give her what she wants or I will act up until you do.  Her words.  I had a heart to heart talk with her mother about what she needed to do with this child.  Her mother left in a huff and I did not hear from her for years.  I was grateful not to have to watch this child destroy her mother.  Now this week I got an email saying they have a new baby.  She said the daughter is very unhappy about this development.  I fear for the baby but sent a note and nothing else.  I do not want a relationship with this sicko mother and child.  I miss my friend but got past it after being around this terrible child who was allowed to develop by her weak parents.  The daughter sleeps with the mother and the father sleeps in another room. Ugh.