#1…Either way your friendship with this woman is going to be seriously compromised…follow Margo’s advice (and for the sake of the kid someone has to wake this mother up)  she won’t speak to you again. Or, simply do not have her to your home and arrange to see her without the kid….if thats not possible…let the friendship go and if she asks why, tell her the truth.

#2…caring and wonderful men are not found in prison.  Period.  No exceptions. 

These parents r in for a rude awakening! Don’t they realize why that their friends don’t want to be with them anymore? If they don’t start disiplining her now, it’s going to be too late! It sounds like she needs phsycological(?) testing now, b4 she kills something/someone! Most killers start out by killing/mistreating animals. Not all serial killers r men! U said when her "family" came over, I suppose that means she has a husband? What does he say/do when the child starts acting out? They r not doing this kid any favors by not saying "no". I wouldn’t want to be around her in 10 yrs! Can u imagine wat she’s going to be like by then?

#2….I can’t stress enough how u need to get way from that guy! Listen to ur friends, they know what they’re talking about…nothing good is going to come of this. Don’t think for 1 min. that he doesn’t have several others just like u, sending him $$, writting, saying he’s in love with all of them. I had afriend once, just like u, who fell in love with a prisoner. He wrote her all the time, telling her she was the only 1 for him, they were ‘soul mates’, etc., etc. She sent him basicly all her $$, & when he got out, he never even told her. Oh, I forgot 1 little detail…..she married him, by proxy, without ever seeing him!! She did have some pics., but, she found out later, it wasn’t him! Please, don’t be so desperate as to give this guy another thot! RUN, as fast as u can away from him…don’t look back, don’t write him ever again! He’s in prison for a reason, which I noticed, u never mentioned. He probably told u he was innocent, that he didnt do whatever he was accused of; he’s not that kind of guy, he could never hurt anybody, etc., etc. Well, I’ve had my say, & I hope u’ll take @ least some of it to heart.  

I have a story that’s only loosely related to this topic…..though it does involved unruly humans as guests.

Some years back my then-husband’s aunt was visiting the area from out of town. He told me hated her as a kid. That she would punish he and his sisters unmercifully. [Why he bothered to invite her to dinner at our house, I don’t know, but he did.] Our dog was a sweetheart - wouldn’t harm a fly. She was very friendly and when she went close to the aunt to greet her the aunt stomped her foot and came close to kicking the non-threatening dog. My husband gently admonished his aunt while I made sure the dog was out of her range of fire.

I left the room and returned a minute later to find the aunt screaming and rushing out the front door. Naturally, I did nothing to stop her. Then I asked him what had happened. It turned out that the aunt, sitting down with her legs crossed, was berating my husband about something [probably had to do with ME]. She was so engrossed in her own sniper attack that the dog seized the opportunity to start humping her ankle. 

GOOD doggie! You’re getting filet mignon for dinner!

RE: letter#1

I think you should talk to your friend for the sake of her daugher.  Margo and several of the posters have offered ways to approach your friend and things to say to her.  She may decide not to be friends with you, and if your talk does not affect her parenting then you should certainly decide not to be friends with her.  But for the sake of her daughter, who clearly needs attention and boundaries, try to talk to her, and impose very clear rules/boundaries if they ever visit your home again.  If the behavior doesn’t change, then you must protect your family & pets & posessions by ending the friendship.

Someone commented that daycares are bad for children and do not teach good behaviour/boundaries/etc.  In many cases this is true, but not all parents can afford to stay home with their children, and unless you have grandparents that are willing and able to babysit sometimes daycare is the only option.  If it is, then make sure you evaluate different daycares — some are dirty, some are warehouses for badly-behaved children, and some really try to do a good job.

The post about foster children reminded me of my own life.  My parents took in foster children before I was born and when I was small.  When we got Samantha she was a couple months old with a broken thigh bone and multiple scull fractures.  She’s just a year younger than me, and we were finally able to adopt her when she was 3, so she’s my sister and always has been.  We were raised by the same parents at the same time, but I was usually well-behaved, while she lied and bit and ran away, etc.  Some of it was due to the early trama I imagine, but my point is that not all children are easy to parent and children cannot all be parented the same, so we have to be careful about blanket statements about behavior.

If the first letter was about a 7 year old I would swear it was about my neice. I cannot repeat what she is on here and it kills me because she is a pretty little girl but she is HORRID. We used to have her over to our house alot and I finally said no the last time because I refuse to let someone who acts like that in my house. They live with my mother and I pack my kids up and leave no matter what we are doing when she acts up.

 To the writer, tell your "friend" (and I use that term loosely because a true friend would not allow their child to act like that in someone else’s house) that until she can control her little heathen she is not welcome ot bring her back into your house. If you lose a friend, you haven’t lose much. 

Also in response to letter 1, I have a situation in my own life to which maybe some of you other posters can offer advice.  I have been dating my fiance for almost two years.  I’m 25; he’s 33, divorced with two daughters, aged 5 and 9.  The girls live with their mother most of the time; they’re with us Thursday nights & every other weekend during the school year, and about every-other week during the summer. My mother, who babysat the girls for us last week, described their behavior quite accurately: they are very loving children, but they are very spoiled.  The younger throws crying fits when she doesn’t get her way, the older whines and pouts when she doesn’t get her way.  I haven’t seen them break furnature or hurt animals, but the younger girl has a tendancy to write on clothes/furnature/walls with markers & make-up.  Their behavior seems to be getting worse, leading me to wonder if the fits/pouting works for them when they are at their mother’s.  Since I have no control that, my concern is with how to teach them better behavior/boundaries/manners. 

I love the girls very much, and while I try not to overstep or interfere with their father’s authority over them, I notice that I spend a lot of time and energy responding to them calmly, showing them how to do things, talking to them about their behavior, reminding them to do things like flush the toilet, helping them clean the room, etc.  The older girl sometimes runs off to another room when she’s pouting, and then later claims that we ignored her and played without her, so lately when she goes off to pout I follow her and tell her that I’m sorry she’s upset, we’re not mad at her and she’s welcome to come back in with the rest of us when she’s done throwing her fit—I want her to know it’s not appropriate behavior but that we’re not intentionally having fun without her, you know?  Anyway, I’ve started to ramble so I need to close out this post.  As I said, any pointers would be appreciated! :)

Dear About To Lose a Good Friend,

A plastic bag and a rubber band should solve the problem.  LOL!

Sounds like that brat needs some discipline.  I blame the parents.