Claire Saenz, great observation! … Me thinks you are correct.

Young woman with the problem read Claire Saenzs post. I believe your question will be answered. I aslo believe you can do some soul searching to answer the questions Why do I have this need to impress others? What is my self esteem level! Do I value myself?

Barbara, I agree 100% !

I let family and friends know before they come to visit the living conditions one bedroom but lots of floor space. Hey we can call make pallids on the floor or pull out air or sleeping bags. I am the first to opt for the floor. It’s cozy and fun! … I have no problem giving up my bed to the parents who prefer the bed but will happily join everyone on the floor.

I enjoy the warmth and joy of being in the midst of  those I love!

One summer when my nieces were young and were not going to camp. I bought a tent and pitched it in my livingroom. I took their mother to pack herself and the two girls up and come over. You cannot begin to imagine my nieces joy and their moms appreciation. We pretended to be away at camp with flashlights and all. My youngest niece was our camp counselor. The tent slept four persons comfortably.

The last time I visited my nephew and his family in Augusta Georgia I slept on the floor. They have a grand home and a guest room was prepared for me. They found me the next morning on the living room carpet pillow under my head snuggled warmly in the comforter from the bed. Did I mention? I was also surrounded by the children who secretly joined me during the night.Once, I slept in the bed and the children did the same! These are children ages 13 to 18!

I am certain the young woman in this article will be surprise what a loving attitude and imagination will do!

Thank you, Barbara you gave me an opportunity to revisit some cherished memories nearly twenty years old!

Barbara,

How right you are! It isn’t about lack of space, it is about proximity and cultural values. Also, for Americans, there is a separarist attitude between generations!  Somehow,here, one’s  parents, spouses’ or partners’ parents are out of the loop. Abroad, and it is worldwide, unless the elders find it uncomfortable (and if they are wiling to say it), small quarters are not much of a challenge. Being together is more important.Also, privacy means different things to others who may have grown up without a room of their own; abroad, space may be limited, but family and friends offer their homes, because they are hospitable, loving, and inclusive.

 In my 1-bedroom Greenwich Village apartment, the sofa bed opens to welcome family and friends, and though space is tight, we manage. There are sleeping bags for children, snuggling with family members, whatever. The important thing is that we are together, and time is finite—it’s now or never!

 It isn’t always the case that in-laws are enemies, and that we have to hold on to our privacy.  Actually, in many places women double up when family visits or even friends. There are so many ways to accommodate those we cherish.

I’m SO glad that I saw this post before I wrote in.. we’re all thinking about how things are here in the US.  However, I know that in Europe, there is no stigmata for a man to live with his parents for years and years.. it’s almost expected due to the fact that rent is so high and there are so few homes due to the fact there is so little land!  Heck, you could fit all of Germany in the size of New Mexico w/room to spare!  We’re so spoiled here in the US with the fact that land is sooo pathetically cheap (yes, even in California is cheap compared to properties in a lot of Europe) and we can have these hugemungo homes/condos/apartments whereas what would constitute most people’s living rooms/kitchens is almost bigger than most Europeans’ homes!  Just suck it up and try to mesh with their family.  You’re experiencing something right now that is uncomfortable, right now.  However, if you & your boyfriend do tie the knot and go down the long road, you’ll cherish these memories forever.  It’s not like their moving in permanently, just for a short time. 

Been there, done that.  When I first moved to NY, my first apartment was less than 300 sqft.  That was it. The "living room" was also the bedroom and the kitchen was also the dining room which bled into the bedroom/living room.  Only the bathroom was seperate.. and lord help me if I wanted to take a shower and DH was in front of the sink!  He’d have to get out in order for me to be able to jump into the tub.. and then he could come back in.  Having friends over was a wall-to-wall experience!

LW has to have done something wrong because the only common thread in all her failed relationships is her.  Certainly not every relationship is going to lead to marriage (if she is the sort of person who wants to ultimately end up there) but the fact that not a single man who found her interesting enough to go on a date with isn’t interested in repeats says something…..  Generally you can go more than two dates with someone even if you’re not 100% compatible.

In any case, I agree that someone shouldn’t pretend to be someone they are not.  But, if someone is a jerk they aren’t going to land anyone unless they decide to change.  So, it’s not that they should pretend to be something they are not, it’s that they should change who they are *if* they want to enter a successful partnership with another person.