As for "Climb," when did we start restricting the number of children people can have? Are we going to make it law that certain women can only have one child, never being allowed to give them the joy, love, ups and downs of having siblings? And who are you to say that ANY child is someone’s accident?  And does a piece of paper (marriage license) make any one woman’s situation more foolproof over anothers? I think not.  There are many married, educated women who can end up in the very same situation as one who is not married or less educated.

I am a single mother of 3 children, whom are all loved and who DO IT ALL!  My children attend the best schools, partake in a plethora of extra-curricular and cultural activities, from gymnastics to soccer, from ballet, to violin and MORE and I do it on my own. These children will fare far better than many "onlies" out there. How about them apples! And get this: We were NOT married, I am quite educated and there is not one thing you could ever do for my children better than I.

Letter #2:  I suggest the writer find out more about the circumstances of these "pack" families before making her judgments.  She is being extrememly presumptive and judgmental and not helping the kids involved in any way.  She is assuming this Mom got "knocked up" without any thought to responsibility.  You never know the circumstances.  It could very well be that this woman didn’t take proper responsibility in birth control, but what if that’s not the case?  What if her husband died?  What if she had to get divorced?  What if the father just picked up and left out of the blue?  These things happen in life.  Some things we don’t have control over. I agree that she shouldn’t be having kids without the means to support them ON HER OWN if need be, but life deals some nasty blows every so often and I feel that this writer being in a position of authority over these children should try to get some sort of help for this Mother instead of writing her off.  You never know what her circumstance is and should be more compassionate.  I know a Mother who was young and stupid and had 3 kids with a guy that just left her high and dry.  She takes VERY good care of those kids and with the help of her family is making ends meet.  Would she have done things differently now that she is older and wiser, possibly, however, we all make mistakes but its how we handle these things that define us.  Take a second look at this Mother and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her instead of just complaining to a Dear Margo column.  That effort could be used for something positive and could make a difference in those kids’ lives.

Letter #1:  Sometimes truth can be stranger than fiction!  Support your friend in her time of need!  LOSER doesn’t even begin to describe this "Dad". 

As far as L1 goes…wow, that’s insanely terrible. I have my own doubts as far as "reality" goes…but stranger things have happened, and crazy never takes a holiday.

Now, for L2…while I can see her viewpoint, and I agree with it in part, there’s also the fact that many of these women are probably seeking some kind of support system when they either get married or shack up with guy #2, 3, 4, etc. They think this time will be different…and it rarely is. I used to work in the welfare office, and it changed my opinions drastically, if for no other reason than the majority of women who do have three, four, and five kids are doing everything they can to keep these kids healthy and in school. They work their asses off. Might their lives have been easier without the kids? Perhaps. They do what they must to get those kids educated, though. Very few are the visioning of "welfare moms"…the ones that keep birthing just to up their benefits. Should some of these moms maybe hand their kids over to an adoption agency or a family member with better means? Maybe, that’s not our call to make, though. Whatever their motivations, it’s not up to us to tell them how to live their lives, unless those kids are being abused.

Also, my boyfriend and I were discussing the sex-ed topic last night. The mystique and glamour surrounding sex needs to be dispelled at an early age. It’d also help if shows geared towards teens didn’t show the teen characters having what is apparently mind-blowing sex every time the lights go dim. Seriously, was anyone’s first time fantastic? I think if we just get real with kids, tell them the dangers, the risks, but also the good parts, maybe they’ll at least protect themselves, or they may even be completely risque and choose not to bonk like it’s going out of style. Parents can help a lot by making it okay to talk about sex. In my house, it was something of a verboten topic, and my "sex talk" with my dad came when I was 17 and he said "If you’re doing anything, and I’m not saying you are, but if you are, I hope you’re protecting yourself". I wasn’t, but it just felt like "I’ve said my piece, never mention this again".

My father was a single father who struggled.  He warned me time and time again after I got married to NOT have children until I had a career that would support me and at least 2 children should the husband leave.  Well, guess what - he left…..  I am relieved to say that I did follow my fathers advice and never had children because at the time I didn’t have a career that could support myself and them.  Of course, my father is a very cynical strategic planner - the result of being a refugee.  Many times I thought to myself his teachings were rather cold harted, cynical, and often backwards.   Wow… at 32 I am still saying…. dad is right.

Perhaps at this point - even if we do the right things such as get married then have the kids, we should only plan for ourselves.  Once those are in place, then include the spouse.

 Also, another question, and its a doozy - but in no way shape or form meant for disrespect.   In general, I am curious how many children are born because Both parents are desiring them.  I know when I was married, I didn’t really want them, but my spouse was on my case all the time.  Also, some friends of mine admited that they never wanted children but they gave in and had them to save their marriage.   I am curious if those situations contribute to the afore mentioned difficulties.  Just to clarify - these women LOVE their children now that they are here, but they have told me, if they could do it all over again, they wouldn’t have had them….. and yes, they are single mothers.