A blanket statement like writer #2 made can never be helpful. Men poke holes in the condoms or hide the birth-control pills too. And, as many commenters have said, in an abusive situation, the woman often looses control over her reproductive system. It is disgusting when anyone, man or woman, tries to trick their partner into having children, but in the end, it is usually the woman who is stuck raising them alone if the relationship ends.

Re: LW #2- What are these women thinking?  

If the mother is just cranking out kids to get a welfare check so that she doesn’t have to work, then that is a valid question / complaint.  However not all single mothers are that devious… sometimes due to divorce or widowhood, a woman finds herself in a situation she didn’t plan on…  When life gives you lemons, you got to make lemonade (or you’ll rot…) 

I am a divorced mother with 3 boys… all are now grown and on their own.  I received very little child support from their father.  He was court ordered to pay $250 a month but rarely did… and the last time he saw the boys was in June of 1995.   Although my 3rd son was a "surprise", all of them were wanted… what I didn’t want or plan on was a divorce.  

The only government support I received was when the boys got reduced fees for school lunches during the years that I attended college.  I provided the food, shelter, medical, etc… that was needed to raise them.  The area I could have used help in was emotional support.

Life hasn’t been perfect, but it hasn’t been all bad…  My boys have learned that you get what you work for… set goals, make a plan, and if life gets in the way and messes up that plan… revise, but never give up! 

Currently they are all in college, and I can proudly say that they are all on the dean’s list! 

#2 makes me think of a statement I’ve heard from several men.  A few years ago, I was sent into a screaming tirade when a male pal used the statement. 

He had excused himself from the life of his daughter (he’d never married the mother), mostly, it seemed, because the woman he did eventually marry insisted he have nothing to do with his daughter.  When his daughter got married outside of pregnancy, he explained having nothing to do with her by using "That Statement".

 "She got herself pregnant, so…."

I didn’t wait for the rest of the statement, I turned into a fire-breathing feminist monster, & pointed out to him the fallacy of women being able to get pregnant by themselves, like starfish regenerating new arms.  I asked why men never took responsibility for the prevention of pregnancy, instead putting the entire burden on their women.

I left him speechless, & hopefully, thinking about his stupidity.  Eventually, his wife left him with a house empty of everything but mortgage & tax bills.  He’s since remarried to a terrific woman who knows how important family is, & helped him establish contact with his daughter. Now he’s a proud grandpa to her kids.

Just a few thoughts to add to the discussion on letter#2…

Although my parents willingly paid for birth control for my younger sister, periodically she refused to take it.  She got pregnant a few months after she graduated from high school.   She did eventually marry the baby’s father… when she was pregnant with her second child, because she (again) wasn’t using birth control.  The children are now ages 5 and 3.  She loves her children, and she’s a good mom, but my parents have to help support my sister and her family, because up until about a year ago she refused to work, and her husband did not make enough money to support the way they wanted to live.  I don’t think she quailfies for welfare, but I know the kids are on medacaid, and my parents often buy groceries and do other things to help them out. 

Me, on the other hand…. I work, and I’m in college, and I’ve been dating my fiance almost 2 years, and for some unknown biological reason I want a baby so bad that sometimes it makes me cry, but I use birth control very carefully because I know that I cannot afford the time or money to raise a child right now, at least not until I finish school and get a better job (or win the lottery —wish me luck!).  I love my sister, and she does seem to be doing better lately, but it frustrates me SO MUCH that my taxes pay her kids medical bills, and my parents are using their savings to help her—not that I want their money, but my dad is already 76, and what I my other siblings and I can’t afford to support my parents and they’ve spent all their money on my sister?  I love my sister, but life isn’t fair, and sometimes that’s hard for me… 

My other story: My fiance’s ex-wife chose to have 3 affairs during their relationship, chose to divorce him when he was still willing to work it out, managed to get primary custody of the kids, and complains about not being able to afford things because sometimes the government sends her child support payments late (I know he pays because it comes out of his check weekly from his employer).  She also has another kid with the new guy.  She brags about her huge tax refunds because of the deductions she takes on the kids, signs the kids up for expensive dance/sports programs, and then pounds my fiance for money.  Should we feel bad for her when she can’t pay certain bills because the gov’t check is late? I don’t think so.  We feel bad for the kids though, and we pray that someday we will have the resources to fight for full custody of them.

(Sorry guys, I meant this to be a few short points for others to think about, not a long rant…)