What To Do When a Daughter Is Without the Compassion Gene

Dear Margo: I thought I’d write to you since I have nowhere to turn. I’ve been divorced for 14 years and had two children from that marriage. I am now married to my new husband and have a son with him. The problem is my daughter from my first marriage, who is mad at me because I refuse to attend parties and get-togethers that involve my ex-husband and his mother. The stress I experience in their presence is unbearable. I am literally nauseated due to the mental and physical abuse he put me through while we were married. I cannot bear to look at him, and when he looks my way, he has this big grin on his face. His mother hates me because I divorced him, and she glares at me whenever she sees me but doesn’t acknowledge me.

I have explained to my daughter how I feel and even offered to attend her parties after they have left or see her another day. What should I do? I know her father is enjoying the fact that I get sick if I have to attend these functions. And his mother never had anything to do with my children while we were married, and now is trying to take over during all the get-togethers. When we were married, he always threatened that he would take my children away from me if I wouldn’t perform certain perverted acts with him. Now I believe he’s found a way to take them away from me even though they are now adults. Help. I cannot lose them now. — Sandy

Dear San: Your grown daughter sounds as though she has the understanding of a Chihuahua, no offense to that breed of dog. Does she know of the abuse? If she doesn’t, she should be informed; and if she does, which I suspect is the case, she must be on her dad’s payroll. Rather than being submissive and going along with this garbage, I would read this kid the riot act and tell her you are not subjecting yourself to being at the mercy of your abuser and his witchy-sounding mother. If she has so little regard for your feelings that she has a hissy fit because you won’t play "Let’s Pretend," I don’t think you’ve "lost" much by skipping the affairs at Ulcer Gulch. — Margo, furiously 

Could Things Get Any More Complex?

Dear Margo: I am a college student, taking some time off. I’ve been conversing with a married transsexual woman I met online, and I have a desire to meet her in person. She and her spouse, also transsexual, are polyamorous and are more than happy to have another romantic interest. Due to my state’s economy, I have no job prospects, but I do have enough saved so that travel expenses would not burden me. However, I am wondering how I should go about breaking the news to my parents. I don’t want to lie, but I am also not convinced they need to know everything yet. — Exploring

Dear Ex: Frankly, if you were to tell your parents, I’m not sure what you would tell them. This is certainly one of those situations where you can’t tell the players without a score card — or a birth certificate — let alone trying to explain it to someone else. I’m not sure you would even know with whom you’re, um, having the pleasure. I doubt that this is a good idea to begin with, but that is not what you asked me. You are right, however, that it would not be wise to announce to your folks that you’re off on a sexual adventure with two transgendered people and their polyamorous friends. They would likely keel over, so just say — if you really decide to do this — you’re going to visit some friends you met online. — Margo, confoundedly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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