Ltr#1:  The two of them should sit down and lay it all out on the table, or if that’s not do-able, do it with the help of a marriage counselor. The objective is to find out whether there is a marriage worth salvaging.

Ltr#2:  The next time she brings it up, hand her the business card of the attorney who handled the Will and tell her you have nothing to say on the subject.

Dawn, you’re right on.  First rule in marriage, learn to compromise.  Second rule, you have to remain individuals, with separate hobbies and interests.  Who ever said that getting married required one spouse to give up his/her identity?  LW#1 should develop hobbies and interests outside of the marriage, invite him to participate, and learn to share in her hubby’s interests.  That doesn’t mean she has to start hunting and fishing.  Accompanying the hubby on these excursions can help rebuild a connection.  Photography, "wild game" cooking lessons, reading a favorite novel while sitting in the boat on the lake are all parallel alternatives that can foster closeness.

Depression aside, if LW#1 is looking for approval to file for divorce, no one is going to give it.  It’s a decision she’s going to have to make all by herself.  She’s an adult. If she thinks the grass is greener on the other side and can’t be convinced otherwise, she needs to tinkle or get off the pot.  No one is going to make this decision for her.  She needs to quit projecting her feelings onto her husband and figure out what it is that she really wantss.  Above all, she needs to TALK to her spouse before she makes the final decision.  It’s not fair to completely blindside him with "I’m not happy and want a divorce."  Men process and interpret emotions much differently than women.  She may be surprised that her boredom and withdrawal are interpreted as comfort and contentment by the hubby. 

LW1:  so… what was this guy like before you got married?  he hated fishing and hunting, and spent all his time going out with you?

somehow i’m guessing he was pretty much the same, and you managed to finagle a marriage, ignoring all the problems, because it’s what you wanted (women and getting married… yeesh)

if you’re not happy, get out.  through the whole letter, i was wondering "what is the question here?"  and it took all the way to the end to get to "aw, i’d rather not stir things up… i’d rather just complain to strangers without seeking any real solutions."

your question is not a question. splitting up with someone doesn’t always come down to "he’s a bad guy."  this is a really immature letter… pretty jr. high to try to get the guy to dump you, because you don’t have the spine to do it yourself.  grow up, talk to your husband.

getting away from you and into the great outdoors would sound pretty good to me too, i think.

"Men are also impaired at experiencing emotion. They need help figuring out what to do."

come on over here,  Dr. Haltzman, so i can kick you in your lady parts.

men are impaired at experiencing emotion? WTF?

and women are impaired at experiencing rationality. and fiscal sense. they need help, to be told what to do.

also, black people walk like THIS, and white people walk like THIS.

haltzman = condescending crackpot

#1.. If I had ur man, I believe I’d be in hog heaven! My husband of 24 yrs. passed away a few months ago, & I miss him more each day! I believe u need to talk to ur husband & tell him what’s going on in ur mind. It just might bring u both back in the fold. He probably doesn’t have a clue to what’s wrong with u &/or ur marriage. U have to tell him! He’s no mind reader & like most men, they have to be told what’s going on. When he goes on his hunting/fishing trips, why not call a gf or 2 & do ur own thing….going out to dinner, movies, whatever strikes u. There’s nothing stopping u, from what I can tell. Have u ever asked him to take u to dinner & a movie on a Sat. nite? Dancing, maybe? If ppl would just talk to each other about their needs, I believe the divorce rate in this country would take a nose dive!! Talk, talk, talk, to him!

Lang, This is still the same man you promised to love and cherish - if your marriage is ending, at least let him in on your feelings so he can be a part of the decision-making process. 

Margo offers sound advice, but above all Communicate. 

I’ve a feeling that your husband is a lot like I was in my first marriage.  We had our share of problems, but my marriage ending?  I had no idea.

Like you, we had also taken to spending more time apart; he liked to go out, drink heavily, and party every night.  I’d moved beyond my party days and wanted more from life (and I was tired of babysitting my own husband while in public) so I had begun to stay home more.

When he finally decided to leave, I was blindsided and I felt betrayed.  He’d been bored, but was afraid to talk to me.  Instead, he fell into a pattern of sabotage.  He sought out other women (though unaware at the time, I found out later that there were many), he actually encouraged me to have an affair if it would "make me happy", (which I of course, did not) and he repeatedly picked fights or did things to intentionally get my ire up.  It’s obvious now that he was trying to get me to make the first move and leave, but instead it only placed a sad and bitter exclamation point on what was good marriage for all those earlier years. The marriage ended only when he met and fell in love with the other woman.  He moved straight from me to another woman and I was left wondering what the hell just happened and what did I do to cause it. 

Had my husband spoken with me, we might have gone to counseling or maybe not, but I think in the end, we would have come to the same ultimate conclusion.  We married young and grew in separate directions.  There is no failure in that, only reality.  Sadly though, if you don’t communicate, the problems get larger and the feelings of discord and unhappiness grow.  If we’d talked, perhaps we could have parted on better terms and with less heartache. 

There are two of you in the marriage, it’s time you were both on the same page.

LW1:  My husband and I have very divergent interests.  We have found a few place where we cross over, and the result is lovely, lively conversations where we can share stories from our "separate worlds" and enjoy the things that we do share together.  I have a chronic illness that can also make me depressed, and finding the right med—and a bit of give and take—with the hubby made all the difference in the world.  We regard our differences as a starting point for conversation, now.

LW2:  My immediate family is allergic to this sort of fight over family leftovers because of the behavior of a few peripheral members when folks have died.   All you can do is tell the truth about the will, and perhaps say "I’m sorry you feel shorted, but this IS the actual will"…and let Aunty stew in her resentment, because she will anyway.