Dear Margo | 04/30/2009 11:00 pm

Dear Margo: I Hear Ya Knockin', but You Can't Come In

What can I do to reclaim my Saturdays from Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock at my door? Margo Howard’s bright advice …

I Hear Ya Knockin’, but You Can’t Come In

Dear Margo: I need help with a sensitive issue. In the area where I live we get a lot of Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock on our doors early on Saturday mornings. Not only do I enjoy sleeping in on my Saturdays, I do not believe what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe. I also believe that religion is a personal choice that should be respected by everyone else, whether they believe the same or not. I have politely told them I have my own religion, which prompts a "debate." I have even been told, flat-out, that I am wrong! Once, I left a note on my door asking not to be disturbed, but that did not work. Ignoring the doorbell does not work, either. I really do not want to be rude, but I don’t know what to say anymore to get them to leave me alone. What can I do to reclaim my Saturdays from these people? I hope you print this. I have never seen you broach this subject before. — Feeling Assaulted

Dear Feel: I don’t think I have written about this before … but I’ve answered my door a few times and had the same problem you have had. I was going to suggest leaving a note on your door, but you say that doesn’t work. I am not sure why ignoring the doorbell is not successful; with no answer, they have no choice but to move on. Because you say you like to sleep late on Saturday mornings, sleep with earplugs Friday night so the bell does not wake you. You might try another note that says "No one is home until noon. We work the night shift." Should you answer the door — when you’re awake — and someone launches into the spiel, I think you have earned the right to simply close the door. I have never been able to figure out why this particular band of missionaries is so tone-deaf to people saying they are not interested. — Margo, sympathetically

When You’re Mad on Another’s Behalf

Dear Margo: I have a real doozy for you and no idea what to do. My brother "Steve" is married to "Jennifer," and the two of them have a young daughter. Steve is a wonderful man. To shorten a very long story, Jennifer admitted to my brother she was having an affair, said she wanted to be with this other man and asked for a divorce. My brother was devastated. To make matters worse, she was cheating on my brother with a man who was married and also had a young child … and a pregnant wife! So they split up and were headed for divorce when — as you’ve probably guessed — Jennifer and the other man split up. He went crawling back to his pregnant wife, and she came crawling back to my brother.
Fast-forward to today: My brother and Jennifer have decided to stay together and work on their marriage. I love my brother and want to be supportive, but I can’t get over my anger toward this woman. She’s slowly making appearances at family gatherings, dinners, etc, and I know I’m going to have to see her some time (although I’ve been able to avoid it so far). Others in the family tell me I should "suck it up," "put on a happy face," "forgive and forget." Doing those things, however, would make me feel like I am betraying my brother. I know when I finally do see her she’s going to act like nothing happened and approach me with a hug. It makes me sick to think of even being nice to this woman, let alone giving her a hug. How can I move forward and also feel like I’m standing up for my brother? — Feeling None Too Forgiving

Dear Feel: It’s not your marriage, hon. If you really want to be there for your brother, you will go along with his decision for his family’s future. (And there’s always the chance this babe may still wander off the reservation.) I understand your anger toward and lack of respect for this woman, but if your brother can forgive her, you should try. You were not the wronged party. And, of course, you are entitled to your opinions. Enough said. — Margo, encouragingly
***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

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242 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

After reading through that again, I thought of another solution.

Let’s all tell the JWs/Mormons/Fill in your religious person who wants to save your life cult name HERE, that we need time to think about the wisdom they have offered us. Accept those pamphlets that look like some dude in marketing in the 70s made them while blasted on scotch.

But ask them for their home addresses, so we can talk to THEM in the middle of the night (which is what it is for some people when solicitors knock on their door). Then Do It. See how frightened they would be.

Love your posts… thanks for this, it made me smile :)

By nanchan u on 05/01/2009 3:51 pm

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The American Standard Version translates Ephesians chapter 4 verses 4 through 6 as "There is one body, and one Spirit, even as also ye were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, and through all, and in all."

Also, John chapter 13 verse 35: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

The New International Version reads Eph. 4:4-6 as "There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

Also, John 13:35 as "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

So, according to God’s Word in these two translations there is only one true religion and those who adhere to that faith can be identified by the love they have for each other. By reasoning on this, applying accurate history and current events it is not hard to identify who they are.

As for your comment regarding the "because the Watchtower says so" I refer you to 1 John 4:1. I have never known any Witness to respond to any comment by saying "because the Watchtower says so" as we follow God’s Word such as Acts 5:29 which reads "we must obey God as ruler rather than men."

1 John 4:1 reads "Beloved ones, do not believe every inspired expression, but test the inspired expressions to see whether they originate with God, because many false prophets have gone forth into the world." (New World Translation)

By Jordan Hotzel on 05/01/2009 5:11 pm

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Your argument cannot be proven. I know of no events that you speak of that would allow one to come to the conclusion that you are the ONLY ones. Eph 4:4-6 and John 13:35 refers to Christians in general, not your insipid cult. The verses you quote can be applied to MANY different circumstances. One might infer from what you quote that you are EQUAL to all other Christians.

Your evidence is sorely lacking so stay off my porch and out of my garage.

By Megan Squier on 05/01/2009 5:52 pm

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"The one thing I really don’t like about you JW’s is that you believe that YOUR church is the only one to true salvation."

Why else would anyone follow a religion? If you didnt think a chosen path was the one to true salvation, why would you waste your time following it?

By Megan Pena on 05/01/2009 6:13 pm

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I am a Christian but I choose not to associate myself with one particular denomination. I will say that I am Southern Baptist, mainly because that’s the type of church I attend. I believe in being a Christian to achieve salvation but not that one must be Baptist to attain salvation because according to the Bible, denominations did not exist. Denominations are a creation of man and not God. I am the same Christian as my mother the Methodist, my Aunt the Lutheran, my neighbor the Pentecostal.

You have been deceived, my dear.

By Megan Squier on 05/01/2009 6:30 pm

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I, myself, am not particularly interested in religion. I’m primarily interested in my relationship with the living God.

By Jane M on 05/01/2009 10:27 pm

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I am a Unitarian Universalist, and I do not believe that there is A single path towards spirituality. I believe that we should follow the path that nurtures our soul. It’s not a ‘waste of time’.

I believe that God/Goddess/Omnipotent It/whatever you choose to call the Divine is great enough that there is no way we can contain him/her/it in one definition. I believe in diversity of Faith.

So following MY path is not a waste of time. My path nurtures my soul, and allows me to recognize that you can follow a different path that nurtures yours. Clearly, we have different thoughts on that.

We celebrate the inherent worth and dignity of all living things. And while I recognize your right to worship as you wish, I demand the same respect from you.

NOW. Take a look at the UUs history. We fought (and died) for civil rights, we fought for women’s rights, for gay rights, for religious freedom and tolerance, for freedom of speech. We’re there too. JW are not the only ones fighting for these things, so get off of YOUR high horse about what your faith has done for this country. ALL people of good conscience have worked toward improving the world to better society. And it is a partly selfish thing…we protect these rights and freedoms so they will be there for us.

By Misty Grinstead on 05/02/2009 9:10 am

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I do not appreciate having my time wasted by anyone, and since I work at home, I’ve been very careful and very diplomatic in setting boundaries. The only time I’ll respond to a knock on my door, it had better be a courier, because anyone else will be sent off with their ears ringing. My time is not free. My time costs money. My work requires concentration. Got that?

Sadly, since I am often home during the day, if the JWs get wind of it, they’re hammering on my door constantly. EVERY DAY, and sometimes more than once. It isn’t the same people every time, either. I have asked politely, I have told them to leave, and I have begged them to please stop harassing me. NOTHING WORKS. If this nonsense is what you consider to be "love for their neighbors", then I have news for you - it is nothing more than harassment, and for some people it’s downright frightening. There are many elderly people in our neighborhood, and the sight of two young men pounding on their doors scares them.

You may consider this to be acceptable behavior - well clearly you do, since you want our approval for it, but it’s not acceptable. Not by any means. It’s actually intolerable, rude, and somewhat threatening. I live in Chicago. If someone knocks on my door after dark (and the JWs do that, because they want to interrupt people eating dinner, it validates them and makes them feel like they’re in control), I’ll call the police instantly. If they keep coming back, I will keep calling the police.

By Messy ONE on 05/03/2009 11:24 am

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i think my husband handled the jehovah’s witness thing perfeftly. one week he asked them not to come back. the next, he asked in a tighter voice. the third week, he walked out butt naked and invited them in. they’ve never come near us again.

By martha frankel on 05/01/2009 12:52 pm

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Megan, We do understand they are only doing what they think is right, the point is that they do not respond to "no thank you" and keep coming. The first couple of times people should be polite, but after that all bets are off.

By Cecile Tunstead on 05/01/2009 12:55 pm

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To Q.1 I would put up a note No Solicitors, also a No Trespassing Sign. The best though is to just not answer the door and keep the screen door locked. Some groups, religious or otherwise, just do not seem to get that they are intruding into your privacy.

To Q2. All persons make mistakes, you need to forgive and move on. It would be nice to support your brother as he tries to rebuild his marriage, especially for the child involved.

By Anne M on 05/01/2009 1:07 pm

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I was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, but am not currently active as one. I would like to just point out that going from door to door knocking while KNOWING that a large majority of the people you are going to be speaking to are not interested, is not easy. Jehovah’s Witnesses do not knock on your door to be a pain. It is not recreation. They do it because they are TRUE followers of Jesus, who went preaching himself and told his followers to do the same. They do it out of love for their neighbors, who very rarely love them back. It sounds like some of the people commenting on here have bitter resentment towards Witnesses just because they are persistent. It’s really too bad that you cant just say "no" politely, or tell them you dont have time, you’re not interested, etc. How much of your precious time could that possibly take?

As a side point, Jehovah’s Witnesses have made great strides for "freedom of speech" and "freedom of religion". It may be irritating, but what they are doing is NOT wrong. Witnesses have fought for the right to preach their beliefs and in doing so have helped preserve civil liberties not just for themselves, but for everyone.

Maybe next time they knock you should THANK THEM

By Megan Pena on 05/01/2009 1:08 pm

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um… Megan? I think you’ve already posted.

By nanchan u on 05/01/2009 3:52 pm

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Megan,

You have every right to preach - but not on my doorstep.

By Lepidopter Phoenyx on 05/05/2009 4:39 pm

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I was raised in a Presbyterian household… my father the local minister. You wouldn’t think so, but a number of JW’s as well as LDS missionaries would come to our house anyway. I always directed them to dad, who would then tell them that he would talk to them if they could quote from the Bible as well as he could quote from their respective religious texts. It took a couple of years, but eventually we got one guy who came by who could. He’s now a member of my dad’s church, and no longer waiting until the apocolypse or three days of darkness. Go figure.

Currently, my friends and I just ask them to join us for a night on the town, as my good friends are playing at one of the local bars, two drink minimum. That works as well.

By Sarah Ribeiro on 05/01/2009 1:26 pm