Dear Margo | 04/30/2009 11:00 pm

Dear Margo: I Hear Ya Knockin', but You Can't Come In

What can I do to reclaim my Saturdays from Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock at my door? Margo Howard’s bright advice …

I Hear Ya Knockin’, but You Can’t Come In

Dear Margo: I need help with a sensitive issue. In the area where I live we get a lot of Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock on our doors early on Saturday mornings. Not only do I enjoy sleeping in on my Saturdays, I do not believe what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe. I also believe that religion is a personal choice that should be respected by everyone else, whether they believe the same or not. I have politely told them I have my own religion, which prompts a "debate." I have even been told, flat-out, that I am wrong! Once, I left a note on my door asking not to be disturbed, but that did not work. Ignoring the doorbell does not work, either. I really do not want to be rude, but I don’t know what to say anymore to get them to leave me alone. What can I do to reclaim my Saturdays from these people? I hope you print this. I have never seen you broach this subject before. — Feeling Assaulted

Dear Feel: I don’t think I have written about this before … but I’ve answered my door a few times and had the same problem you have had. I was going to suggest leaving a note on your door, but you say that doesn’t work. I am not sure why ignoring the doorbell is not successful; with no answer, they have no choice but to move on. Because you say you like to sleep late on Saturday mornings, sleep with earplugs Friday night so the bell does not wake you. You might try another note that says "No one is home until noon. We work the night shift." Should you answer the door — when you’re awake — and someone launches into the spiel, I think you have earned the right to simply close the door. I have never been able to figure out why this particular band of missionaries is so tone-deaf to people saying they are not interested. — Margo, sympathetically

When You’re Mad on Another’s Behalf

Dear Margo: I have a real doozy for you and no idea what to do. My brother "Steve" is married to "Jennifer," and the two of them have a young daughter. Steve is a wonderful man. To shorten a very long story, Jennifer admitted to my brother she was having an affair, said she wanted to be with this other man and asked for a divorce. My brother was devastated. To make matters worse, she was cheating on my brother with a man who was married and also had a young child … and a pregnant wife! So they split up and were headed for divorce when — as you’ve probably guessed — Jennifer and the other man split up. He went crawling back to his pregnant wife, and she came crawling back to my brother.
Fast-forward to today: My brother and Jennifer have decided to stay together and work on their marriage. I love my brother and want to be supportive, but I can’t get over my anger toward this woman. She’s slowly making appearances at family gatherings, dinners, etc, and I know I’m going to have to see her some time (although I’ve been able to avoid it so far). Others in the family tell me I should "suck it up," "put on a happy face," "forgive and forget." Doing those things, however, would make me feel like I am betraying my brother. I know when I finally do see her she’s going to act like nothing happened and approach me with a hug. It makes me sick to think of even being nice to this woman, let alone giving her a hug. How can I move forward and also feel like I’m standing up for my brother? — Feeling None Too Forgiving

Dear Feel: It’s not your marriage, hon. If you really want to be there for your brother, you will go along with his decision for his family’s future. (And there’s always the chance this babe may still wander off the reservation.) I understand your anger toward and lack of respect for this woman, but if your brother can forgive her, you should try. You were not the wronged party. And, of course, you are entitled to your opinions. Enough said. — Margo, encouragingly
***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

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242 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

to Megan: it IS wrong when people politely ask you to leave and you don’t, it is TRESPASSING which is ILLEGAL when they’re on your private property that you pay taxes on after you’ve already told them you’re not interested and asked them to leave(btw in the state of md if you tell someone to get off your property 3x and they don’t you have the right to take them off your property by force, at least that’s what my fiance says he misses most about md lol). I’ve never personally had a visit from a JW and I’ve lived in the same home for 24 years, then again I live in NY and have only ever known of one JW family in my town.

By Ashley Cody on 05/01/2009 1:27 pm

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My best friend and her sister grew up as JWs. They were very devout and did the whole door to door thing. However she and I had a strict no religion policy on our friendship and our house never got solicited.

This is what kills me though. She and I both had children out of wedlock. My church(Episcopalian)helped me find a place to live and get rides to appointments and gave me a baby shower. Her "church" disfellowshiped her. Her sister was disfellowshipped for marrying outside the faith.

Neither go to my church now ,but they have a whole new philosophy on God. Now they celebrate Christmas and Easter and my friend’s son gets a birthday party every year.

By Laura Kemp on 05/01/2009 1:51 pm

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So nice that I live in the country, no one comes to my door period….haha the peace and quiet I get is blissful.

And as for the sister with the s-i-l that cheated, you got to remember that it is your brothers marriage, not yours, and even though its painful for you to watch this happen, it was his choice to give his marriage another try, so try to be supportive and forgive.

By Cindy Figorski on 05/01/2009 2:03 pm

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I don’t think what the JW’s do is wrong, but when someone politely says they are not interested they should respect that. I’m an Avon rep so I get told politely not interested by quite a few people but I respect that and do not try to "force" them to switch their makeup. (Avon is the closest thing I can think of to compare to the JW’s.) I believe that everyone has their own beliefs and their own faith but I also believe that no one should try to "force" their faith or religion on anyone else.

By Joanna Vanderyacht on 05/01/2009 2:37 pm

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I never think it is a good idea to resort to being rude, and in some instances what people perceive as rudeness when you are genuinely simply asserting yourself or opinions can be a thin line.

However when it comes to this topic a strongly worded letter which includes in clear and defined words that you do not agree or aspire to believe as they do should work. Their goal (as it the case with all religious groups that take to the streets) is to sway people to their teachings.

Sometimes being polite and nice simply doesn’t work. You have to ratchet up your message in order to be heard.

By Belinda Joy on 05/01/2009 2:41 pm

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I think everyone is missing the point on the JWs. It is illegal to do as they are doing and the writer said she wanted to sleep in, not get up repeatedly to battle with ignorant solicitors. No should mean no but a letter to the main church offices will just make them more determined to "bring you over!"
If a no soliciting sign is up and ignored, then you go to a city official or lawyer and let them handle it. The city or neighborhood may also have no soliciting rules that you can find out about. You shouldn’t have to get up for this on your day off!

On the cheating letter. Simply put, its none of your business and if you care about your brother and actually more importantly at this point, about your niece; back off and be polite but pleasantly neutral.

By Patricia Partin on 05/01/2009 3:40 pm

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I found the best way to deal with the pesky religious folks was to call the local Jehovah Witness hall and ask that my house be put on a "do-not-knock" list, politely. When this did not work, I called them and threatened to sue them for trespassing on private property. There is no need to "be nice" to people that so obviously don’t respect your privacy or wishes. Or you could do what a friend of mine did - when one of them asked him if he loved Jesus, he responded with "sure I do - I’ve got him chained to the bed!". Worked like a charm.

By Angela West on 05/01/2009 4:22 pm

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I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and I spend my full time talking to people door to door. In response to the writer’s question, I’ll explain some things which should help anyone. Witnesses follow Jesus words to go forth and preach to people. The Apostles and the first century Christians all did the same. We desire only to share the "good news of the Kingdom" with others as Jesus said in Matt. 24:14. However, we respect everyone’s right to their own beliefs and privacy. I come across many doors where people are not interested, but have not asked for us not to come back. Since an individual’s circumstances and beliefs may change over time or they might even move to a different city, we come back at later times throughout the years. Those who I talk to sometimes request that we do not return and in these cases I make a note of their wishes. As we are all imperfect, other individuals might not look at that note when working in the area and may unintentionally knock at their door. However, this is a rare occurrence. As for door bells that do not work, Witnesses are certainly not the only people to use a door bell - family, friends, and delivery people also use door bells. Since our reason for being at a home is to talk to the people, if the door bell does not work - it is logical that we knock. A sign that reads "door bell does not work" does not reflect a message of "do not knock" just as a sign on a restroom door that reads "out of order" does not mean you can’t use another stall. If an individual does not wish to have Witnesses visit, they may call their local Kingdom Hall, speak to Jehovah’s Witnesses when they do visit and inform them they wish to be on a "Do Not Call" list, or post a sign such as "No Trespassing", "No Soliciting", or "No Jehovah’s Witnesses". I should note that our work is not solicitation and different congregations and individual Witnesses might choose to visit homes with a "No Soliciting" sign, but a "No Trespassing" or "No Jehovah’s Witnesses" sign would obviously be followed.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are normal everyday people just as everyone else are and we also like to sleep in some days and would not like to be awakened by someone we do not wish to speak to. However, we cannot assume that that is the case at every home. We are kind and do respect the rights and beliefs of others. To your writer, I would suggest them asking to be placed on a "Do Not Call" list of the local Witnesses to ensure no further interruptions.

By Jordan Hotzel on 05/01/2009 4:29 pm

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Note: I know where the Kingdom Hall is in my town. If I was interested, I would be there. I’m not, so I’m not. Nuff said.

By Misty Grinstead on 05/02/2009 9:15 am

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Just threaten to call the police and tell them you are being harrassed. I did this and they no longer bother me. It is not only here, though. While I was living in Rome, a friend and I were followed all over the city one Saturday morning as we shopped by an American JW who yammered at us until we went to a police officer who told him to leave us alone. Then, the cop followed us for a half hour, but the Italians don’t try to convert you.

By emmy wunn on 05/01/2009 4:55 pm

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Hello everyone! I am kinda addressing Megan’s post

I was always polite to the JW that came to my door until the last bunch. These two ladies would show up during the week, on Saturday, basically whenever they felt the need. I had told them in every single polite way I could think of I am not interested no thank you. What pushed me over the edge was these two women showing up at 6:30 pm Uninvited and saying we came by last weekend and you weren’t here so we came tonight. Like I had invited them, which I had not. For the first time ever, I raised my voice and had a fit. Now, if they were to of respected my wishes and quit showing up at every imaginable hour, I would still be open to speaking with JW however briefly. Now, I really don’t want to and wont. I actually have pleasant coversations with the Elders of the Mormon church that stop by. They pay attention. I only see them when new ones get the territory that I live in.

Yes, Jesus wants us to spread the word and share our faith but He didn’t say spread my word and annoy the hell out of it while you are at it. Things need to be done in moderation and the JW’s have went overboard with it. It is time to try something new. Plus, it is against the law to tresspass. There are laws for solicitation and the JW need to start following them. Yes, they are soliciting.

To be honest, I don’t thank someone who is not invited that comes to my home, tells me my beliefs are wrong, and then won’t leave me alone when I tell them POLITELY I am not interested. If you had someone doing the same to you, you wouldn’t thank them either. Wouldn’t it be lovely it the JW would spend the time helping the homeless or hungry instead of going door to door? They would still be spreaing their religion and helping people who need it at the same time.

Unless anyone has personally been to heaven and had a direct conversation with the Almighty himself or herself you cannot say they are the TRUE followers of Jesus. How can anyone truly know?

By Annie H on 05/01/2009 5:34 pm

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I agree, if you’ll follow my questions to the JW’s on the board here you can see my great contempt for their arrogance. All cults say they are the "true" followers of Jesus. Conventional churches do not; they also don’t shun people for leaving the faith or for certain infractions.

By Megan Squier on 05/01/2009 5:59 pm

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If you think it’s miserable having JW’s knock at your door let me tell you about the Pentacostals who tried to convert me while I was hospitalized. When you’re bedridden there’s no door to close and no where to go. I was firm but polite at first but after they came back for the third time I got really rude and threatened to call the police if they did not stop harrassing me! They left and did not come back!

By Dorothy K on 05/01/2009 5:44 pm

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I am not an appointed representative, just sharing another opinion. So I cant speak for the whole Jehovah’s Witness faith. My personal feeling is that it is very stereotypical to say that Jehovah’s Witnesses are arrogant, or will tell you your beliefs are wrong, or come at any time of day and night uninvited. Of course SOME of them will do these things and thats unfortunate. But although fully believing what they are trying to share to be absolute life-saving truth, they are still imperfect humans. SOME will be overly pushy, or come back more times than you’d like. That doesnt make them a cult, and that doesnt make them knocking on your door illegal.

By Megan Pena on 05/01/2009 6:10 pm