Is MySpace Her Space?

Dear Margo: After he and my mom divorced, my father dated a woman I’ll call "Lucy" for less than a year. During that time, she alienated my sister and me, let her daughter use our toys (and break them), and let her daughter blame things on us or bully us into doing what she wanted. Fortunately, my father broke up with her and she went back to her ex-husband. My problem is this: She has tried twice over the past year to contact me on MySpace, asking me how I am and whether I have a good life, etc. I do not hate her, but I do not wish to have contact with her. She and her daughter made my sister’s and my life a living hell while we were still recovering from the divorce. Do I ignore her requests, or do I tell her point blank that I want nothing to do with her? — Curious Daughter in Nebraska

Dear Cure: This is dealer’s choice, my dear. By ignoring her and not responding, the silent treatment would have the same effect as telling her off. If you are so inclined, it would not be out of line to write back and say that your experience with her was not a happy one and you don’t see the point of being in touch. There is a chance that she has two things in mind, and these are just guesses: She wishes to make amends, or she has her eye on your dad again. — Margo, suppositionally

When It’s Dad, Not Jr., Who’s Gone to Pot

Dear Margo: My husband of seven and a half years is causing much stress in our family. He has always enjoyed smoking pot with friends and alone. For most of our relationship, he’s (poorly) hidden it from me, knowing I don’t approve. We have three children and have decided to go for No. 4. With the three we have, I got pregnant right away. Now it’s been seven months of trying and No. 4 is not happening. I think the pot has probably killed many of his sperm. I’ve asked him on several occasions to stop so that we can give this baby thing a fair shot. I told him it was important to me, and he agreed to stop smoking. Now, three weeks in a row, I’ve caught him smoking. I’m so upset over this — not only for the smoking, but for the lying and the fact that I just can’t trust him. His only response is that he’s sorry he’s upset me and he’ll try to do better. I think that’s a bunch of bologna. I’m so disappointed that I can’t even stand the sight of him because I feel I’m just being taken for a fool. He is also overweight and always has been. He comforts himself with food in addition to marijuana. This is squashing any warm, romantic feelings I have for him and building a wall of resentment. What can I do other than take this to a professional? — Fading Fast

Dear Fade: What’s wrong with a professional? There are many issues involved here. For one thing, scientists disagree about whether pot causes infertility. And at the moment, it is illegal. Could his continuing, after promising to swear off, be a way of telling you he doesn’t want another child? Is his marijuana use an addiction and, thus, not subject to a sincere promise to stop? Should he just go on a diet and get sexy again? (Of course, pot famously encourages eating.) I think the behavior you are seeing is immaturity more than the marijuana; sneaking is adolescent. What he does is his business, but how he acts out is your business. He needs to grow up, which is something you can’t do for him. And I can’t help wondering why you want a fourth child when it sounds like you may not even want your husband anymore. — Margo, inquiringly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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