A Real Mess of a Love Affair

Dear Margo: My daughter began a relationship with her boss, who was married with six children. This man is 11 years older and was in a position of authority when they met. She is now divorcing her husband, and he has separated from his wife, who has left town. What can we, as parents, do to convince her of the potential danger to her children of such a relationship? This man has since lost his job over this affair. His wife is angry and won’t allow him access to his children. He is now unemployed and has lost his home but continues to have a relationship with my daughter. We are desperately trying to convince her to end this relationship. What do you think? — Heartbroken Mom and Dad

Dear Heart: I think your daughter may imagine that she has "won." How long that will last I do not know, for if she totes up the win/loss columns, her boyfriend has lost his job, his children, his house — and they’ve both lost their spouses. I frankly don’t believe your daughter’s thoughts are centered on her children, so that argument may not do you much good. I suspect the bloom could be off this rose sooner than you think, but only time will tell. Alas, in situations like this, parents’ concerns and experience don’t count for much. The best you can do is be there if things really blow apart. — Margo, regretfully

When You Feel as Though Norman Bates Is Your Supervisor

Dear Margo: I left a wonderful job six months ago to start a new position. Alas, the grass is not greener and I find myself in weeds. To start from the top, I noticed that when I moved my car to a different company lot, within days my supervisor’s car would end up in the same lot as mine. Second, I was in the kitchen preparing tea, and he walked in, looked me up and down and said, "Has anyone discussed the dress code with you?" I replied, "No." He said, "You’re dressed OK" and walked out. He follows me out of the office if I go to get water, to see what I’m doing. He is always in my cubicle — just to say good morning or to look around my desk. I took some plants home to re-pot, and he reported that he assumed I’d quit. I returned to work on Monday ready to redecorate my cubicle and my hard drive was missing. He accuses me of not doing an assignment one moment, then praises me the next. He notes every moment I’m away from my desk and whether I take my keys. Our HR department does not call this harassment or stalking, but I know I’m not crazy. Can you tell me what this is? His previous supervisor told me that he was "hard to work for and with." Actually, he is creepy, and I am ready to quit my job. — Frantic

Dear Fran: If HR doesn’t see it your way, try to get yourself transferred to a different department. If that is not a possibility, go back to HR, or higher, and lay it on the line: This man is paying far too much attention to you, and if they cannot alleviate the situation, you will have no choice but to look for another job. You do not have to live with this squirrelly guy as a supervisor. — Margo, determinedly
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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