"Amen" to Margo on both letters!

"…I left a wonderful job 6 months ago…" - in this job market that is a dangerous thing to do and I can’t help wondering why anyone would leave a job they obviously loved to take a new job full of unknowns.  As the writer has found out, money isn’t everything. 

This man is skin crawly creepy; the powers-that-be need to step in sooner than later.  One wonders how competent he is and when he gets his own work done if he is constantly following and pestering the writer.

The last couple of bosses I had were unbelievably awful; but the most recent one, an attorney, was mean, tempermental, controlling, unavailable, dishonest and incompetent. Day-after-day he was never there to answer a single question.  You can’t work on and create legal documents and deal with clients without being able to talk with the attorney. He came in the door on his cell phone and was either with clients or on his phone every minute of the day or he’d be traveling for days at a time. Those of us in the office had to do the impossible, run a law firm without any input from the attorney who owned it. 

I’d write him a note requesting that he check at home for a particular file because it wasn’t in the office (I’d spend hours looking for it).  Many days later, after more notes, the folder would suddenly appear on my desk and he’d say, "You’re pretty stupid - that file was there the whole time!" and walk away before I could reply. He lied to and cheated his clients, setting up trusts and neglecting to put their assets in the trust.  He threw things, yelled at and berated everyone in the office and cheated on his wife.  I belatedly found out 14 people had quit their jobs before I was hired - six miserable months later I’d had enough and I quit too with the lamp I’d brought in so I could see my work held high over my head like the torch held by the Statue of Liberty as I stepped out of the building for the last time. It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders but days later I had a meltdown from all the stress. I am a very  competent, efficient legal secretary with excellent skills, with many very fine letters of recommendation to prove it, but since that last hellish experience, my self-confidence has waned to the point where I haven’t the courage to go out there and try again. Not sure how to get it back - the though of having a boss again makes me very nauseated.

Far too often men and women are put in a position of power who know absolutely nothing about working with people - companies should see to it that anyone receiving a promotion to a managerial position has to have training as to how to manage other people effectively.  Thick books could be written about the mental, emotional and sometimes physical abuse that goes on in an office. I could write at least three chapters myself.

I believe, with 6.5 million people unemployed, abuse in companies will escalate - people will be forced to work without proper compensation, will feel they have to take the abuse because they can’t be without jobs. If they complain, they’ll be informed that they can be easily replaced and if they don’t like it, they can always quit!

As for the couple who have hurt and damaged the lives of at least 8 people, the children and spouses, by their incredible selfishness, "You reap what you sow!"  He’ll be paying child support for those six children for years to come if he can find employment; in some states he will have to pay alimoney.  They will barely have two pennies to rub together - hope their "grand passion" makes it all worth while, but I doubt it. That kind of behavior is not rewarded. People rarely cheat just once in their lives. I feel sorry for their families.

Does anyone have any good news for a change?

Letter # 2 any way you can go get that "wonderful" job back? If you can run for it, after filing harassment charges with an attorny

Letter # 1 love her, support her any way you feel you can, sooner or later (maybe latter then you want to see) she may see how this man is, then again it may be love.

Letter 1 Leave your daughter alone and be there for your grandchildren. The more you push her about it the more she will cling to him.

Letter 2 Document his actions. Then go over H. R.’s head.

With technology the way it is today, why can’t letter #2 put her cell phone on her desk and record some of his actions?  That way she has more than just her handwriting proving what this man is doing.

Letter #1, yes letting your daughter learn her own mistakes is hard but it has to be done.  She thinks this man is something and until she is ready to face the music there isnt anything anyone can say to her that will change her mind.   

I’ve never really understood the appeal of being the "other woman", let alone the woman that broke up her family and her man’s family. This girl has good parents, and hopefully when it all flies apart in six months, she’ll realize that. As a younger female (25, at least for another week) I’d like to say that parental opinion matters more than what Margo thinks…but I’d be lying. Unfortunately many times we are not wise enough to heed the warnings of our elders.

As for L2 - Please, please please get out. File complaints, get corroborations from other employees if you need to, and video or document everything. Seriously. I don’t know that this guy is dangerous, but he’s unbalanced at best, and the missing hard drive would really be the kicker for me, to be honest. I’d like to know what your HR staff would consider stalking. I’m with the other folks, see if you can get your old job back or start pounding the pavement while you note down all the "quirks" of this supervisor.

Ltr #2:  If your HR Department does not see this person’s behavior as a problem, they have never been sued for creating and supporting a hostile work environment before.  This is plain and simple harassment.  Laws in virtually every state and the District of Columbia include a hostile work environment as part and parcel of harassment laws.

Follow the advice from everyone above… Document every move this guy makes and everything he says or sends you - don’t forget dates and times.  Formalize your complaint to HR with a dated, signed letter (an email works just as well).  Print out and keep all email communications with him and HR just in case you are let go.  Take down written records of all phone calls and voicemail messages including dates and times.  This will help you immensely in the long run.  

If HR continues to tell you this is not a violation of company policy, bring up the phrase "Hostile Work Environment".  If that doesn’t get their attention, take it to an attorney.  

Best of luck!

Lw2.  From my experience it may come down to the 3 to 5 rule.  An incompetent abusive supervisor will be able to damage 3 to 5 of the people he supervises before his supervisor deals with his behavior.  Docummenting may help if you are willing to go through the pain of a legal confrontation.  That being said, stalkers especially those at work are usually smart enough to go just far enough to leave doubt in peoples mind as to their actions and yours.

I used to believe that I was being noble to stick it out and fight these type of situations, but without a stong union and the rest of the workers behind you, it is probably a losing battle.  Path of least resistance is to find another job.

LW2—Get online with the EEOC.  This is sexual harassment.  File a complaint with them.  You can do it online.  Continue to document.  Often, lawyers won’t take your case unless you’ve filed with the EEOC first.  You have six months from the date of the last incident of harassment to file.