Dear Margo | 11/06/2009 12:00 am
Dear Margo: He Wants You to What?
He Wants You To What?
Dear Margo: My husband of three years has suddenly become a real pervert. We dated for five years prior to marriage, and he was never this way. First, we are a May (me) December (him) relationship. He was always a gentleman, and there was nothing jaded about him. He is well educated and successful. Our sex life has been incredible. He’s said he could only have dreamed of having this kind of sex life.
In the last year, he has been constantly approaching me about "being with" my close girlfriend, "Edie." It has gotten to the point where all he ever wants to talk about is sex with Edie — and me! I have told him over and over that I am not gay and will not engage in this. I have asked him what happened in the last year to bring all of this on. He says it started with some E.D. issues, which he has since resolved by lowering his cholesterol and exercising. He insists he does not want to be with her or to watch, but wants to listen from upstairs and then get a play by play from me. I have had it and am about to leave him. I really wish his penis would just fall off! I don’t know why he has become so obsessed with sex this last year. He does not believe we need marriage counseling. Any insight from you would be appreciated. — Disheartened in Pennsylvania
Dear Dis: I wonder how deep into December he is… Any sexualization that seemingly comes out of the blue can possibly signal the beginning of early dementia. And I said "possibly." I am not a doctor. I actually don’t think counseling would distract him from the Edie fantasies, but I would suggest a neurological workup. And don’t be shy about telling the doctor about this change. (FYI, so far as I know, a threesome is not the remedy for E.D.) Good luck with the old goat. — Margo, immovably
When Safety Collides with Delicacy
Dear Margo: I work with a great bunch of people at a small organization. Occasionally, a small group of us goes out to lunch or to a meeting off site together. The problem I have is that one of the people in the group is very overweight. We usually ask her if she wouldn’t mind driving (because she has a big car that can more easily accommodate her, as well as a seatbelt extension, and we all have smaller cars). She always has a reason why she can’t drive, but in any car other than her own, she can’t wear the seat belt.
I am extremely nervous having a passenger in my car who is not buckled up, and I know I’m not alone. She said one time a friend got pulled over and she wasn’t wearing her seat belt, so she cried so the officer wouldn’t give the driver a ticket. Not only do I not feel I’d be so lucky, but I would be extremely uncomfortable in that position. Is there a kind way to insist that she do the driving if she wants to go out with the group or go together in one car? Her mileage would be reimbursed by our organization, so there is no cost consideration. I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or ashamed, but we don’t know what to do. — Trying To Be Kind
Dear Try: I think you need to put laws, safety and your peace of mind above worry about hurting this woman’s feelings. She knows she is grossly overweight, and you and your colleagues should not be put in an untenable position because of her situation. I would stop being shy and simply tell her that her car is the one that accommodates her best, and then remind her of the mileage reimbursement. There is no reason to tiptoe around this reality. Not one. — Margo, directly
***
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
Every Thursday and Friday, you can find "Dear Margo" and her latest words of wisdom on our home page at www.wowowow.com. Or better yet, click to sign up for an instant email alert that will send a message right to your in-box every time a new "Dear Margo" column is posted on wowOwow.
- Dear Margo: When Dad/Gramps Just Ain't Interested
- Could Mammograms Fall Victim to Obamacare? by Liz Peek
- Liz Smith: Sharon Stone, Steve Tyrell, Sarah (You Know Who), Glamour, Lesley Gore – and More!
- Liz Smith: In a Concert Hall Far, Far Away
- Queen Martha, by Cynthia McFadden
- LIZ SMITH FLASH! The Kennedy Conspiracy and the Mafia
- Remember shopping pre-Internet? What era/memory in the evolution of shopping do you think of most fondly?
- The Love Goddess: In Sickness and in Health ... But Hold the Sickness
- Let Down and Felt Up? by E.D. Hill
- The World in Vogue (Photos)
- Dear Margo: When Dad/Gramps Just Ain't Interested
- LIZ SMITH FLASH! The Kennedy Conspiracy and the Mafia
- Liz Smith: In a Concert Hall Far, Far Away
- Liz Smith: Sharon Stone, Steve Tyrell, Sarah (You Know Who), Glamour, Lesley Gore – and More!
- Queen Martha, by Cynthia McFadden
- Lily Tomlin Is Coming to NYC!
- Joan Ganz Cooney Still Shops the Way She Always Has
- Let Down and Felt Up? by E.D. Hill
- The World in Vogue (Photos)
- Announcing the Winner of Our 'Caption This' Contest
- Could Mammograms Fall Victim to Obamacare? by Liz Peek
- Dear Margo: When Dad/Gramps Just Ain't Interested
- Let Down and Felt Up? by E.D. Hill
- Remember shopping pre-Internet? What era/memory in the evolution of shopping do you think of most fondly?
- Mr. wOw: Falling in Love Again With 'Marlene'
- LIZ SMITH FLASH! The Kennedy Conspiracy and the Mafia
- The Love Goddess: In Sickness and in Health ... But Hold the Sickness
- Queen Martha, by Cynthia McFadden
- Liz Smith: Sharon Stone, Steve Tyrell, Sarah (You Know Who), Glamour, Lesley Gore – and More!
- Liz Smith: In a Concert Hall Far, Far Away
wOw Features
Reader Voices
Dear Margo: When Dad/Gramps Just Ain't Interested
The Palin Book, as Dear Margo Sees It
86 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
No, of course not! The overweight woman should buy her own seat belt extender and bring it with her, but better yet, she should just agree to meet the other women at their destination. I’m just saying the extenders are out there and told whomever needed them to go to their car dealer and order one. Not expensive and handy to have. Don’t blow me out of the water just because I provided a solution.
E,
I found this with a quick google search, these are what we use on our cots for work. it is great for those that are bigger than what normal seat belts can hold. This would be a good idea for the lady that refuses to use her own car.
http://store.moreofmetolove.com/travel/seat-belt-extenders/car-seatbelt-…
LW#1: the old goat (hehe, margo, i love it) needs to get himself a life and get with the program. if you have to tell him no more than twice, then it sounds like his respect for you has gone out the window. it’s time to talk to his dr and find out what is wrong with him. if you cannot get help that way, then i suggest it’s time to move out or have him move out. nobody should have to do something they do not want to do and nobody should be badgered about it all the time.
i like what somebody said about him not being with another man just because it turns you on. lol, you might even try telling him, sure hon, but you have sleep with your old buddy george because it turns me on and then i will do edie. i bet you, he never bothers you about it again.
LW#2: it’s against the law to have a person in your car who doesn’t wear a seat belt. if she refuses or it doesn’t fit then she has no right to impose on you. she has a car, tell her to go drive it. my son is mentally disabled and his other mentally disabled friend, who is very obese, wanted a ride. i have an older plymough voyager mini-van. he got in the front seat and said, "i can’t fit in a seat belt, so i don’t have to wear it!" i said, "i guarantee you will fit or you will take the bus!" i made him give me the belt and i pulled it to it’s furthest point. it fit just fine. now ANYTIME he gets in my van, he automatically puts on his belt, because he knows it’s either my way or the highway.
even before seat belt laws were in effect, i expected my kids and any passengers to buckle up or walk. get a backbone. it’s your car and your rules. i’m polite about it at first. but i still do not budge. she sees you guys as an easy mark. i don’t know why she would want to ride in a car she has to stuff herself in. i do have an idea as to why she might want to. she doesn’t want to ride alone. maybe all of you get into one car and she is left riding by herself. why not offer for one or two of you to ride with her in her car? i think that would be nice. she probably feels left out and just wants to be part of the talk on the way to the restaurant. it won’t kill you guys to take turns riding with her. i bet that cures it too.
Exactly. My sister was in a car accident when she was 17 and she was not wearing a seatbelt. She was in the ICU for weeks and we were not sure if she would live. Fortunately she came out of it and eventually recovered, but I have not ridden in a car without my seat belt on since.
I was in a semi front accident. The man who caused the accident was making a left turn on a green light not yielding to incoming traffic. It totaled my car. I was wearing a seat bullet and my air bag deployed. I would have went thru the windshield if I had not had both. This was before CA passed mandatory seat belt law.
I was injured more in my abdominal area due to surgery one month before the accident. There is nothing they can do with muscle damage. I now walk with a cane due to my right leg dragging with my muscles clench up. I have had people say to me that it was sad that the accident caused this damage and I have told them I would rather be alive and muscle damage instead of being dead. I can still feel where the seatbelt buckle which held me back on my hip area.
I was in a Honda Civic and the other car was a big truck with 4 door cab. His truck bed separated from the cab with the force involved. I had to get an attorney because I lost time from work due to this and needed physical therapy for over a year. I was in another accident 2 months later where someone rear ended me.
2002 was not a good year for me. I did end up having 2 more surgeries for hernias caused by these accidents.
I will never drive without a seat belt and I was lucky in the first accident that I did not have a passenger since my car only had a driver side air bag.
LW#1- Tell him that you’ve already said his fantasy is never going to come true and that he is to drop it- you will not hear about it again. If he does not agree, or agrees but does not keep his word, it’s time to drag him to couple’s therapy, because his repeated attempts to pressure you into sexual acts you’re uncomfortable with is completely out-of-bounds. If he continues to do it or will not go to therapy (and you’ve ruled out any dementia-related possibilities) you may have to look into leaving the relationship because something is obviously very, very wrong with his behavior. Barring that, you can always pick the most unattractive and repugnant man you both know and start talking about how you really like the thought of the two of them getting “intimate”. Maybe turning the tables on hubby will clue him in to how uncomfortable you feel.
LW#2- I’m surprised this has seemingly occurred more than once. No one rides in my car without a seatbelt, for any reason. If the co-worker in question doesn’t want to drive her own car, she can ride the bus- most don’t require seat belts.
LW #2, I simply tell everyone who gets in my car that my insurance will not cover anyone in case of an accident if just one person isn’t wearing a seatbelt. I refuse to move until everyone buckles up. Tell your coworker she is jeopardizing much than just you in this instance.
LW #1, I’d ask my husband if he is willing to retaliate in kind. Chances are, no. I do agree with Margo, get him a check up ASAP.
Seat belt extenders are a piece of seat belt with buckles on each end that can be easily used in any car.
If she has them in her car, she can easily carry it to any other carry them to any other car. My BFF has ‘em, so I know.
People flying around in an accident really are a danger to others.
FYI, they are not always transferrable from one make of car to another. Not all buckles are exactly alike.