Letter # 1, it occured to me that "December" might want to or be having a flirtation/affair with Edie. How often is Edie around? Have you ever come home to find she had unexpectedly "just dropped by"? Are you sure she is incapable of betraying your friendship? Think once, then twenty more. Any unexplained glances, conversations that seemed awkward or changed when you came into the room? Maybe Edie is totally unaware of your husband’s new fascination with her. Perhaps she is trying to ignore the elephant in the room, but I’d bet "old goat" has betrayed his attraction to her in a hundred ways, and she knows and has kept silent for your sake, or else she is returning his interest. Could you talk to her and find out?

Letter #1: Margo:  "I wonder how deep into December he is…"  Lol!

Men, men, men. No matter how well educated and brilliant, and whatever else, when it comes down to it they all have a One Track Mind.

Letter #1…

Please folks, dementia is just like this in the beginning.  The little odd rudeness, the forgetting normal decorum, starting to become extremely impatient.  Obviously, I don’t know this man, but having dealt with it with my mother, this kind of bizarre request (something he might think to himself but never say out loud normally) looks like a sign that things are not going well in his brain.  PLEASE get him into the doctor immediately.  Also, don’t take the "oh, he’s fine, he’s just an old man" excuse from your doctor, ask for a neurological work up.  There are meds that could save some of his memory and his "being" and give you more time with the man you married. 

 My mom started about 3 years ago to be just plain rude to people in public, something she would never have done normally.  It was LONG before she started to obviously forget things and become impaired.  I wish I had been less annoyed with it and more scared for her health.

I know right now you’re annoyed and feeling disrespected, but you married him for a reason, love him enough to see this as a symptom.  Best of luck, Kim

Good call on the neurological check up.  Male Alzheimer patients are often sexually aggressive and inappropriate. 

any sudden personality change, especially in an older person, should be a red flag that a medical check up is needed.

He needs to have his manners checked! Its one thing to ask his wife, and then respect her decision, but whats up with Edie?  I kept thinking if my husband made a comment to one of my friends about sex I’d kill him and they would probably not want to be around him ever again. If I was "Edie" we could do lunch but I would be insulted if your husband approached me with his sexual fantasy.

These things don’t usually come up without any warning.  Maybe Margo’s right about the doctor, I would watch for any new behaviors and begin a journal to help keep track for a doctor to form an opinion.

It makes no sense he wants you and Edie to go upstairs and he wants to "listen"? Get him some porn, maybe that will satisfy his curiosity, and he’ll get bored!

I’ve been married for over 10 years and if my husband started acting like that I’d want to know where he’s been and who’s he been with or is he hanging out with someone new?  This story baffles me, I’d take him to the doctor and bring the whole thing up. Number 1 he may need help number 2 it will embarrass the hell out of him if he’s screwing around and that will stop it.

Good Luck

In regards to LW#2, I’m suprised by how RUDE everyone is. I personally don’t agree with seat-belt laws, but that’s a whole nother thing~I wear mine with an extender simply because the damn car won’t stop dinging at me unless I put it on, and it drives me nuts. But back to what I originally said: if this woman is a friend, then BE a friend and pull her aside, and explain that you understand that maybe she’s self-concious about her weight and having to use the extender, but you can’t in good concious allow her to ride in the car w/o the seatbelt, and if she doesn’t want to drive, then she needs to use the extender in someone else’s car, otherwise they just can’t allow her to ride with them. If it is phrased correctly, and delivered in the proper manner, then it shouldn’t cause offense. Who knows, maybe the woman is just tired of being the one to drive all of the time, and is retaliating…because it doesn’t sound to me like they are being polite about it.

But like I said, I personally don’t agree with the laws regarding seatbelts, but that’s just my opinion

And THIS is why I love Margo! Shoots straight from the hip and holds no punches.

Letter # 2 has just received the exact advice (and in the manner I would suggest as well) that she needed to hear. Grossly obese people know they are grossly obese. Some are embarrassed by it and some could care less. But whenever it gets to the point where their weight is affecting others, as in not being able to fit comfortably in a car, or next to you on a plane, or movie theater or restaurant booth or table, we have a right to say something. And the letter writer is 100% correct to be concerned about getting a ticket. Police officers should take this law seriously. Too many people dismiss it as a non issue, that is until they hear of someone they know who died because they were splattered all over the highway.

And letter #1 - And here we go. Yet again another letter from a woman dealing with a dishonest man and missing the point that, that is the main issue at hand.  On what planet would anyone believe that the desire to see your wife engage in Gay sex was brought on by E.D.? Come on! He can’t even be honest about something like that. Would it have been to hard to simply say, "honey I don’t know why I am so turned on by that fantasy, but I am and I am obsessed with it"

That would have been much more emotionally honest to say and believe.  But it’s his lie, his excuse that gets me. If I were in her shoes I would have called him on it immediately. The part about him being obsessed with sex in general however is something only she can quantify. Sex is important to a relationship and lots of sex (in my opinion) is a good thing. So I don’t quite understand her complaint in that regard. But then again we all have varying levels of what is the norm in a relationship.

It just amazes me how many men and women are emotionally dishonest with one another. It’s really sad.

I wonder how deep into December he is…

____________________

Quit possible but then older men tend to want to finally pursue their younger fantasies and of course in the May-December relationships the fantasies tend to come out in September.