LW1: I agree with Karleen. I said the same thing to my ex when he made then insisted on the suggestion. He never brought it up again.

LW2: No one gets in my car without being belted in. The excuse that an air-bag will save you is pure rubbish. I’ve had more than one unbelted air-bag dead on arrival patient. Air-bags when deployed are very powerful and can push open the car door thus projecting you out onto the payment where your head does not survive the impact. My car has an alarm that if someone unbelts while I’m driving it goes off. Excellent safety feature !

MARGO, MARGO, MARGO:  How do you keep your sanity? 

How can you deal with so much insanity, without losing it and saying:

GET A F..K..G GRIP!

WHY are women writing to you, asking for ADVICE on how to deal with situations that are SO outside of reasonable expectations in any form of a healthy relationship?  WHY don’t they instinctively KNOW? This is sick!

HOW DO YOU DO IT?  I realize you have been writing/responding via your column for many years, but don’t you ever get BURNED OUT with the crazy, inane requests for advice?

DON’T YOU EVER WANT TO SAY:  This is f..k..g NUTS, or

Get yourself SOME therapy and SOME self-esteem!

Wives agreeing to "intense, private lap dances with strippers", or wives listening to husbands fantasies about their friends, etc.

IF MY HUSBAND ever suggested ANY OF THE ABOVE, he’d be BOBBITED! 

Of course, my ex KNEW better - because he knew I would never tolerate such BS.  It’s called SELF-RESPECT.

LADIES:  GET SOME SELF-RESPECT.  Alimony is less debilitating, than emotional/sexual abuse.  GROW SOME!

MARGO,  I’m Awed by your restraint.  I bow to your dignity.

Dear Trying to Be Kind:

The seatbelt extension in your overweight co-worker’s car is easy to remove. (My grandmother used one for years before she lost weight.) So there shouldn’t be any reason she couldn’t use it no matter whose car she’s in. IMO, there may be something else going on with her. But don’t let her, or anyone else, pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with.  

Re: LW1): It very well could be the onset of some sort of dementia, in that some people, especially men, experience an upsurge in sexual desire, and a certain freedom from inhibition (ahem) when the brain begins to deteriorate. The LW did not state her age, or his, and ED can effect relatively young men. Saying that it is a May/December relationship is not relevant unless one knows the actual ages, as 20 vs. 50 is different than 30 vs. 70. The information about cholesterol is no help either, nor did she say anything about "little blue pills".

Desiring a threesome (with two women) is almost ubiquitous amongst men (notice I said "almost" lest some gentleman righteously jump on my case). Usually it remains a fantasy, sometimes not. Calling it "perverted" is a bit harsh, but whatever. What is wrong with this scenario is his persistance in asking for it. When a partner adamantly, and repeatedly, refuses a sexual request, no matter what the reason, then that refusal must be honored, regardless of desire. Sometimes this will end a relationship, especially if the request is a reasonable reciprocal activity, or falls within "normal" (a very difficult concept in sexual terminology, as different people have different boundaries) realms of sexual activity. In this case, I’m not sure that the "old goat" is demented. He says he wants to listen, and then get a detailed description. He is being very insistant. She says that they have been together a total of 8 years and have had a super sex live (and that he has basically said so, too). Now she wants his penis to fall off. 

I think he is having a classic case of "the seven year itch" plus one year, and he is very desirous of "Edie", and possibly quite ready to ditch the LW. She says they’ve had this amazing sex life (despite the ED, hmmm) for all of this time, indicating that his sexualization was, in fact, not in question at all. After the seventh year, suddenly he wants a threesome, and the more adamantly she refuses, the more he presses. She asks why, he says some suddenly cured "ED issues". Tell me, LW1, if you were having a great sex life with him previous to the whole "threesome with Edie" idea, did you notice any ED issues? Any decline in intimacy? Maybe he had a medical problem…or maybe he’s ready to move on. Women, please give men credit for the ability to be devious, cunning and subtle that they deserve. 

Also, sadly, once again I hear the voices of women damning the "little blue pill". I have some difficulty comprehending this. If I were to listen to some of you, I would have a mental movie of wrinkled little old men with enormous, all-day erections chasing harried, well-dressed women who are "past all of that" around book clubs and luncheons whilst other ladies of a certain age tossed saltpetre at the priapic fellows. It is my hope that, if my partner ever experiences difficulties, he will be generous enough to make use of those "little blue pills" despite the possible, unpleasant side effects, so that we can continue our love-life as long as we are together.

peace

bb

1) He thinks he’s dying and wants to fulfill something on his sexual bucket list. Get him some girl on girl porn and make a bucket list together. 2) he wants something to blackmail you with. 3) He really wants your friend, and you should take a good look at their relationship. 4) if he still wants a 3-way let it be with you and two men..then one is always recycling (wink;)

(No Husband-No Cry)

I had the same thoughts as Margo on both. (1) Is the old guy going senile? (2) I’d tell her that I won’t drive unless everyone in the car is wearing a seatbelt. And encourage the coworkers to say the same.

How fat IS this woman? My husband is enormous, but still fits into a small car with no extenders!

We wear seatbelts so we don’t become human projectiles and hurt ourselves or the other people in the car. You have every right to insist that people wear them.  And you as the driver are legally LIABLE if they don’t.

#1 - I have read that this is a common phenomenon in men. As they age, and lose their ability to get erections, they find younger female partners because their appearance of fertility helps them get aroused. But this wears off after a while and they have to do something else to ramp up the arousal (either move on to another young woman or do something like this fantasy).

I have also read that there is another fix, which is for these men to develop the emotional maturity that their anxiety level declines, and when their anxiety level declines they can then maintain erections better.  It is often the very anxiety of these men’s self-driven need to be dominant in the relationship, worrying about whether they are keeping a younger woman engaged, that gets in the way of these men having good sexual function.  I suspect there is always some anxiety in May-December relationships that gets in the way of good sex.

So, I think your choices are: (a) go through with the fantasy which will provide your husband a short-term fix, (b) leave him to find a younger man you are more a peer with and suggest your husband find a woman his own age he is more a peer with (which will reduce the anxiety) or (c) go through a lot of counseling so you and your husband can get to know each other as adults, with full emotional availability, and have an adult sexual relationship with reduced anxiety (and hope the May-December problem, which can’t be changed with counseling) doesn’t get in the way.

You might find the book Passionate Marriage helpful.

Finally, I found it curious that you defined the good sex in his terms.  You don’t say whether you have enjoyed the sex with your husband?  You seem to be letting him define whether it is good sex or not.

Ladies,

"How to Manage the Male Sex Drive" by Sharon Esther Lampert tells you the truth about infidelity — http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/ISBNInquiry.asp?EAN=97818858…

This book courageously takes men on a journey that begins in the brain and ends in the penis. Men want a woman who is a saint during the day who loves them like their mothers, unconditionally, and a sinner during the night
who make love to them like a prostitute. This disparity between the two women drive men into the arms of their wives for maternal comfort and drive men into the arms of mistresses/prostitutes for sexual gratification. This is the central thesis of the book and these are the central questions that are explored:

1. Do most men have three lives: public, private and secret?

2. Why do men who are also cheating condemn men who get caught cheating?

3. Why do smart men look stupid when they get caught cheating?

4. Why do men who have it all throw it all away?

5. Why do high profile men prefer prostitutes?

6. Why do the most beautiful women in the world have cheating husbands?

7. Why do the smartest women in the world stay with cheating husbands?

8. Why can’t cheating husbands forgive cheating wives?

9. Myth of Fact: Do happy husbands cheat?

10. Is all fair in love and war?

The book takes under consideration the following cultural norms: The hook-up culture of casual sex; the culture of premarital sex; the culture of loveless marriages; the culture of unwed motherhood, and the culture of serial monogamy.