Predicament, my dear: if after less than 3 years you find yourself in love with another fellow, either you married the wrong man, or you are the wrong woman.

It is unfair in the extreme to continue in this situation. Decide what you want and make a plan to go after it. Either decide you want a committed relationship with your lawfully wedded husband and take the necessary steps to become the right woman to make that work, or else take your cue from an old Pal Simon song and "make a new plan, Stan, and get yourself free." But don’t waste any time about it. This house of cards can’t stand for long. Don’t ask me how I know this.

About the two men dilemma, the problem is the woman. I’ve been married three times. I’m 54 years old now and I know she’s the one who doesn’t know what she wants. It’s not about them. What does she do? No matter what the guy does or says, neither guy is right for her or she would have known by now and not contacted the column. Unfortunately for her.

About internet porno, it depends on how the man’s mind is and how he takes porn. And we never know until the fantasy turns. For some men it remains fantasy. For others it’s a fantasy to those he loves and completely differently with strangers, Ted Bundy and others) horrible. Read Ann Rule serial killer books. Serial killers lead normal lives. She also interesting spouse killing books. When I was married, my husband was concerned.

"At the time, I asked him to make it official and he turned me down." Sounds like "making it official" was/is the key to…. well, to her heart, so to speak. 

BF1 who won’t commit loses GF to BF2, who does promise to commit.  GF marries BF2, who becomes her husband on the grounds of his commitment.  GF-wife commited to a wedding but now can’t commit to monogamy or a marriage and goes back to having sex with BF1, who wouldn’t commit to her. 

BF1 gets his and still doesn’t have to commit, GF-wife doesn’t have to either, BF2-husband-AKA-cuckold doesn’t have a choice.  There’s some sort of cosmic irony here, but it escapes me at the moment.  Maybe it will play out if and/or when she leaves the object of her wedding for a guy who still may not commit to her.  

In a Predicament: follow Margo’s advice. Get therapy if you need outside help.

The grass is never greener on the other side, its just a different shade of green.

In reference to LW1: It never ceases to amaze that people’s affections can be turned around so easily. You say you are in love with someone and then you go and marry someone else before giving yourself time to get over that other person. Then you let that other person back into your life and start an affair. Where in there is the love for the husband? Did it not occur to either her or her husband that they should not have gotten married in the first place if her heart was not all the way in it? Or maybe the hubby thought that he could eventually win her over totally.

Love should not be interchangable (in my view it isn’t, which is why I’m still single. I refuse to settle for "maybes" and "what ifs").It sounds like this woman barely loves herself. If she did, she wouldn’t be playing with fire while knowing full well that it is going to blow up in her face.

Margo is straight on. This woman needs counseling, with or without her husband. And she needs it now. There are plenty of free and low-cost counseling services out there. All you need to do is find one near you. Heck, even talking to a pastor at their church (if they have a church they go to) can be of some help.

Dear Distressed in Tennessee,

how did you find out that your boyfriend is looking at the sexy videos on the internet?  Did you just come across it/them or were you playing sleuth and digging for dirt?  I think that it matters because while we all know that men are going to look at other women it is cruel/abusive to do it overtly particularly when they know that their partner is upset by it.  Regardless of what popular culture says is okay we are not animals and normal people do have control over their behavior - yes, even men surfing the internet.  Whatever our culture allows for right now the videos upset you and it might be that this will not change for you.  Try not to become obsessed with making sure that your boyfriend is not looking - you don’t want to lower yourself and become that sort of woman.  It is okay to calmly and clearly explain how him looking at videos makes you feel and to expect that he will honor you by not acting in a way that upsets you.  You should know that there are plenty of women who don’t like their man to be looking at sexy videos of other women - you are not being demanding.