Letter # 1 You should have asked him what the list was at the time he mentioned it. I guess I take the " in " part literally because it seems like if he meant something else he would have  said things  like I’m looking to see you accomplish or things I’m not happy with and hope you’ll change.  So maybe it’s something kinky or fantasy like-I’d like to see you in a french maid’s outfit,etc. In which case you could have had fun with it and said sure if you’ll dress as little bo-peep!!

I don’t think CC and her man are meant for each other - he says he has a list of things for her to comply with before proposing and she says she isn’t interested in knowing the items on the  list. If they were truly a good pair, they would each be interested in pleasing the other and sharing life together. It sounds like they both need to keep looking.

Living together after three months of dating is not a good idea - that should come only after engagement and the setting of a wedding date. Too many people have wasted a lot of time in live-in relationships without clear expectations of future outcomes. Sexist as it might sound, living together is rarely benficial to the woman.

He’s not going to marry you, "Curious". Start making plans now to get out. My sister met the "love of her life" in high school, dated for several years, then they moved in together with the idea they would get married. But…he had this list. She needed a better job. She needed to lose weight. She needed more education. She lost weight…no ring. She got some career training…no ring. She got a good job…no ring.

 She finally moved out when he started smacking her around, and wouldn’t you know-he met and married someone within a year.  She’s managed to since find someone who takes her for what she is, even when she gained all kinds of weight back because of health issues and conversely, she’s supported him through a massive job change. Support-it’s what you do in a partnership.

For whatever reasons, "Curious", you don’t measure up as far as he’s concerned. Whether he tells you why isn’t the issue, it’s that he has a list at all. My sister did all the things her prince wanted and never got the hint that he really didn’t want her around, so he forced the issue. YOU get an equal vote here-and use it, vote with your feet and leave.

To Curious Cat:

 Please, please, please!! Discuss this with him now!! Based on my own experience, I doubt he’s going to tell you he’d rather see you wearing a high neck blouse and baggy pants.  I did not find out until after I was married what my husband wanted to see wear in public — mini skirts, braless w/ blouses unbuttoned past my cleavage, heavy makeup, 4-inch stiletto’s, etc.  Needless to say, this caused a great deal of arguments because that’s not how I chose to dress, and told him so and wouldn’t dress like that.  I could very well be wrong but, when a guy says "there’s a list of stuff I’d like to see you wear", that’s something you need to know about so that you can decide if it’s something you want to see yourself wear.  Good luck!

If I were presented with a list ……… well, donchaknow I would respond with my own list!

If a man told me he had a list I would want to know what was on the list.  It’s too late after you tie your life together………

I think we all have expectations of those we want to marry.  Making a list sounds a little crude but could be effective in making a final decision about marriage.

********As to the second problem of love making noise.

I just had an addition built onto my house.  I had a sound proof material installed behind the plaster board wall………..it really does cut sound.

Of course if the people involved are really screamers maybe they should take a blanket and go out to a lonely beach……..or go scare the animals in the Forest! lol

#1:  I agree with everyone else, you MUST have open communication or the relationship, married or not, will NOT be sustained. A list?! Are you kidding me?! That’s ridiculous! What I don’t understand is why you declined to hear it? The fact that he brought up a list for you to comply by before popping the question is a BIG clue that there is already something wrong in the relationship, and it will NOT get better after you’re married, it will only get worse. Yes, marriage is a contract, however, it is not a ‘You will do this or else’ contract. Marriage, any serious relationship for that matter, is all about compromise and meeting in the middle. Neither partner should have to change who they are to make the other person happy, they should be able to be who they are, but also compromise on things they may disagree upon. As far as the list goes, most definitely find out what it is, because it could be a very good indication of what your future with this man will be like. I know this because I have been there and done that! I met a man, we dated, and I, like you, moved in with him after only a few months. We had discussed my financial troubles and he asked me to move in with him, rent free, so I could catch up on my bills and he would ‘take care of me’. Don’t anyone else fall for this, it doesn’t work! I fell in love with him, we talked about getting married and even chose names for our children. I put on about 15 pounds, bringing me up to 125, when he told me he’d consider marriage if I lost some weight, so I’d look good in my dress. Then he was upset because I wore makeup and wanted to know who I was trying to look good for. I worked as a cashier in a grocery store for crying out loud! He complained that I ironed my clothes to impress someone else. He started complaining that I wasn’t contributing to the household, so I had to start paying for all the groceries for him, me, AND his roommate. This, after he offered to ‘take care of me! He was right, I should have and did start to contribute to the household expenses. Then he started going through my checkbook and my personal journal/diary. I should have had my first BIG clue, being the dedicated animal lover that I am, when he refused to allow my cat to give birth inside the house shortly after I moved in with him, in the dead of winter, then made me get rid of her after the kittens were weaned and given away. No, I didn’t know she was pregnant when I moved in. We broke up, got back together a few months later, and when I saw the same signs that came before the first breakup, I packed up and left before he could tell me to leave again. It took me 18 years to get over that one. Like all little girls, I wanted to be married with the white picket fence and children. Unfortunately, by the time I was 10 years old, I already knew the type of man I wanted to avoid.  When I realized that I was being manipulated and groomed through verbal and psychological abuse, working into physical abuse, I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. You don’t grow up in an abusive household, see and hear the things I did, without learning a few things long before you even start thinking about boys or men. PLEASE think about this before you go any further! You must have open communication, so find out what this list is, before it’s too late.

#2:  I agree that there are ways around the noisy sex problem; moving the bed, padding the walls, etc. The best suggestion was the quiet way, thus increasing the intensity. However, I disagree with Kitty Baby in her response, saying, "Who cares? If they don’t want to hear you, THEY will turn up the TV or pad the walls. Stop being so missish." What exactly does that mean? What is being ‘missish’? I disagree because I’ve been in the shoes of the neighbor. No, I didn’t send a note, I moved my bed, and thankfully the neighbor moved out. The neighbor who is disturbed by this shouldn’t have to listen to another couple having loud sex while they’re trying to sleep because they have to get up early and go to work. I was 19 when I got ‘lucky’ enough to listen to my neighbor and his girlfriend. Yes, I had an active sex life, but I kept the volume down because I learned the walls weren’t as thick as I would have liked them to be. Not only that, but I was working double shifts, and anyone who works 16-18 hours a day, doesn’t want to be awakened an hour after going to sleep by the neighbors having loud sex and banging into the walls! From Kitty Baby’s response, I thought she was a youngun who didn’t care about respecting other people, then I re-read it and realized she had been married 18 years, so she isn’t just a young kid who doesn’t realize or care that she’s disturbing the peace of others, she just simply doesn’t care. Let’s use common sense here people! Show respect for others, and try putting yourself in their shoes, if you haven’t been there yet. As the saying goes, Do unto others, as you would do unto them. In other words, don’t do something to someone else that you wouldn’t want done to you!