OMG #1 If he hasnt seen what he wants by now then he is just leading her on.  I say she should move on to someone who wants her for her and not some "ideal woman"

#2 Try loud music to drown out you out.

For the noisy couple (or anyone with noisy neighbors!), I have lived in a lot of apartments with thin walls over the years and I decorate with the noise levels in mind. Sparsely furnished rooms echo. Rooms with a lot of soft furnishings and books do not. Fabric and books muffle sound, so I have floor-to-ceiling bookcases full of real books (not just knicknacks) that I put against the neighbor’s wall. It makes a HUGE difference.

For those rooms like my bedroom where there isn’t enough space for a bookcase, I have been known to put up a curtain rod with heavy floor-to-ceiling drapes behind my headboard. Thick lined velvet works real well. I also add in thick rugs, especially where the annoying neighbors are below me.  The more sound & echos that you muffle inside your apartment, the less the neighbors will hear or be heard.

Hope this helps!

living in an thin walled apartment building in l.a. for several years was an eye opening experience. in the spring and fall windows are often left open at night to let the cool breeze in.

one night, a few apartments down from me , an older woman who looked like the perverbial librarian  was yelling " give it to me baby- give it to me-" —- a male voice was heard yelling from another apartment —" come on down to # 118 and i’ll give it to you baby.

on another ocassion, a man’s voice kept yelling " who’s your daddy, who’s your daddy." finally some man yelled —" go ahead and tell the s.o.b. who your  daddy is so the rest of us can get some sleep.

needless to say, on both ocassions, there was loud laughter from all the apartments up and down the hallway.

We are treating our adult children to a four day vacation in Las Vegas in July. My daughter-in-law is putting a damper on the trip, at least for me. She told me that she will not go outside unless its by cab as she does not like the heat; she has told my daughter that she would go out with her once only as she wants to have a quiet last evening there; don’t even think of asking her to go to the pool; when we discussed where to eat for dinners she suggested the food courts in the mall so there is no big deal where she eats.  I know all of this sounds petty but her attitude is bothering me and I don’t want it to spoil my trip. BTW..she is a really super person and I adored her but for some reason she is not so adorable right now. Thoughts please.

Since losing my husband four years ago, I haven’t found a man who "trips my trigger" the way he did, although I’ve been out with a few. None has even been remotely "spongeworthy." So a friend suggested a time-tested exercise; make a list of the qualities I DO want in a man — but then the challenge is to EMBODY those qualities myself, on the theory that like calls to like. Well, that’s about the only reason I can see for such a list. This guy sounds like a jackass. Strike him off YOUR list, pronto.

I disagree with the poster who said that the gal has "lost her bargaining chip."  Many couples nowadays choose to live together before marrying.  And some couples don’t find marriage a necessity at all.  Relationships are not games, or they shouldn’t be.  I think everyone has a mental list of attributes we want to see in our lifelong mate….although not everyone is as …open as to state : BEfore we get married, I need to see this particular trait in you."  Perhaps he lacks the ability to express himself well, but I think they should sit down, discuss what they BOTH want for the future, and she should express how the "list" comment made her feel, and give him a chance to clarify himself. 

On first glance, it does come across as rather bullish (Is he a Taurus?) but, perhaps he’s just clunky with words?  If he’s that great, it’s worth an open conversation before rushing to judgement.

To Listmaker’s girlfriend:  whoo, this is a toughie and I don’t envy you.  We’ve all got ‘mental lists’ of qualities we hope to find in a future mate, but it takes real balls to enumerate the list to a marital candidate and expect compliance to each tick box as a condition of marriage.  Look, we’ve all got areas that need improvement, and it’s nice if we want to improve weak areas to make ourselves better partners, but—they call it ‘self-improvement’ for a reason.  The drive to modify yourself has to come from within if it’s to be genuine.  If it is imposed on us by others that is a recipe for resentment.  By not asking for his ‘list’, you’re kind of in a quandary—you now now that there are things about you that bother him but no specifics, leading to a generalized anxiety about what you might be doing that is so offensive.

I don’t know your boyfriend or you to say whether he’s got legitimate grievances, but I do know that if one partner acquiesces to the other’s demands without getting an equal exchange in return, the balance of your relationship is off.  This is at bottom, an attempt to mold your relationship on ‘his’ terms and therefore dominate you over some perceived ‘flaws’.  It might be very civil and well-intentioned now … but just remember that there will be no end to this ‘list’ of his.  If you meet one condition, he will only replace it with another.  He sounds like a perfectionist …or else he’s trying to mold you into a version of his sainted mama that he can have sex with; in either scenario you are pretty much guaranteed to fail to meet his expectations.

If the man I loved brought his ‘list’ of my flaws to my attention, it would knock the wind out of me.  And probably make me question whether I could continue.  Because the fact that he’s keeping a ‘list’, even though you two are discussing marriage, is not the same kind of harmless ‘list’ a guy might have in his head when he scopes out available women in a bar.  You are no longer a fantasy girlfriend—you are flesh and blood reality, and you two have at least broached marriage.  Which I would say was enough time for him to have learned to love you in all your flawed glory.  Embracing a loved one’s flaws is the very definition of love.  So by this definition, your boyfriend doesn’t really love you enough to marry you if he’s into imposing conditions under which you will be acceptable and worthy of his love.

He’s done you a favor by letting you know that he’s got some dissatisfactions with you prior to any ceremony taking place.  This, though hurtful, is positive—all couples need to have this kind of deep discussion of mutual flaws prior to any wedding, in order to see if they are truly lifetime partnership material.  More couples need to confront their messiness before the wedding; few do and that’s why we have so many divorces.  So  . . as painful as it’s going to be to be dissected, you need to do this.  I think you should hear this ‘list’ of his.  Better still, ask that he write it all down, just so that you are very clear about what he wants from you.  Then compile your own list of areas in which you require him to improve. (I’m tongue in cheek here but also dead serious.)  Inform him that you will also have a list ready for his consideration.  In this list, you may as well swing for the fences—don’t hold back.  List every category requried for Ideal Husband.  Clear an afternoon, brew some coffee, sit down and swap those puppies.  This should engender a lively discussion.  Hopefully by this point, if not before he will get a clue about how ridiculous and hurtful his ‘request’ was.  Throughout, try to keep a good humor.  After all, you’re fabulous and he’s lucky to have you, flaws and all, right?

This exercise has a serious purpose: to determine how much work you both have to do to make this relationship strong enough to continue.  Because I don’t think you’re there yet.  Love is about trust and mutual respect and valuing each other.  He is focusing on your flaws and not the strengths you bring.  I’m a lousy housekeeper, so if anyone points that out—well, they can’t hurt me with something I already know about myself.  But—you might be surprised or even shocked by some items on his ‘list’ and discover that you can’t accomodate his wishes (or should have to.)  I think this would be an excellent way to introduce the subject of couples’ pre-marital counseling.  I think you need to have a few sessions with a neutral observer and take a compatibility test and talk more—a lot more—about your boyfriend’s ‘objections’ to you.

This is not about being rigidly resistant to changing yourself—but I dislike the very paternalistic and condesending way he chose to tell you about the ‘list’.  A man in love would not do this; a man who is trying to engineer a girlfriend to spec would, though.  You’ve gotta ask yourself: do you want to be your own creation—or his?  It’s up to you.  You are not obligated to change yourself one iota to suit him better, as long as you also prepare for the possibility that it would be the deal-breaker.

If it is, it wasn’t much of a deal to begin with, on your end, at least.  Then you’d be free to find a man who appreciates you as you are, not as he thinks you should be.  I will close by saying that Abigail Adams received a ‘list of her faults’ and how she could endeavor to rectify them from her fiance John.  The Adamses stayed married until death parted them 54 years later.  Only you know if you have a John Adams on your hands or just some guy from whom you will always be falling short.  Good luck.