Dear Margo | 08/05/2009 11:00 pm

Dear Margo: Sick of the Tall Remarks

Sick of the Tall Remarks

Dear Margo: My daughter is 8 years old and probably 4 inches taller than girls her age. She also has large feet. We have lived in Indiana, Michigan and now Wisconsin and still get the rude comments about how tall my daughter is. One neighbor, when he first saw her, said he thought she was 10 or 11, and said it in front of her! I suggested she tell people she likes being tall, but I can see that the remarks bother her. We were at a birthday party and the mother of the birthday girl kept telling me how tall my daughter was and how tall I was, as if we didn’t know. Another woman at this party said, "Wow, you must have a hard time with sizes." When we lived in Michigan, there were two queen-bee types who went on and on about how tall my daughter was to other women at a school function, which I took as an attempt to make my daughter out to be different. One of them even focused on her feet, her shoe size probably being larger than kids her age. How do I get the rude tall remarks to stop? Any good comebacks so people know they are being rude or out of line? — Tired of Hearing It

Dear Tired: One can never stop rude remarks, and ever was it thus. People always say dumb things without thinking. (I know I have.) As for the height and large feet, that’s how people described Jackie O. I would kill to be tall, but I do understand it’s hard on little girls when they feel "different" from the girls in their class. I would try showing your daughter fashion magazines where most of the models are tall. And since you, yourself, are tall, you can tell her you’ve always regarded it as a plus. Explain that most of the girls will catch up, and her growth spurt may be happening early. As for a comeback, try, "I know that being short is difficult, but I’m sure your daughter will grow." — Margo, sassily

The Departure of Desire

Dear Margo: I am a 24-year-old woman, married for three years. I love my husband, and we have two young children. We are pretty happy, though not exceptionally so, but we hardly ever have sex. There is nothing wrong with my husband; actually, he would like it to be every day. I find myself thinking about other men and wondering what it would be like to be "together." I even think about having affairs, although I don’t think I could bring myself to do it. I think about one day being divorced. I just don’t feel very attracted to him. Before we got married, our sex life was great. After the birth of our first child, it was pretty good again. Then after my second child, it became nonexistent. When we do have sex, I just go along with it so he’ll stop asking for a few days. I feel bad for him and am afraid he might find somebody else to give him satisfaction. I just don’t know what to do. Counseling is an obvious choice, but we have no insurance. I feel like my marriage will end if this does not change. Advice? — No Libido

Dear No: Something has turned you off your husband and you need to find out what it is. First, hunt down the institutions in your area that offer free mental health care. There are also books that deal with your problem, as well as online support groups. Peer counseling can be surprisingly effective. You haven’t been married long enough for sex to be old hat, so something else is going on. (Maybe caring for two little kids?) My feeling is that if it was good once, it can be good again. — Margo, optimistically

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM

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Read more about: Children, Daughters, Dear Margo, Family, Margo Howard, Parenting, Relationships, Sex

170 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

As a person who is "vertically challenged" I’d like to say that we of diminuitive size were not spared rude comments either. I was the youngest of four children, and the only one who was really short (my oldest brother is about 6’2") and I was called "runt" my whole childhood. Myparents would even comment within earshot of me that they "ran out" on me. I cannot express what this did to my self image growing up. When I had children of my own I endured comments about their small size. So, in sum, I’d just like to say to say to "Tired.." to remember that those who go around deriding others generally do it so they do not have to focus upon themselves. Rudeness says volumes more about the giver than it does the receiver. Margo’s advise is great…raise your daughter to feel good about herself and she will grow into a grounded, confident young woman who can be empathetic to others.

By Melanie Waldrop on 08/08/2009 12:44 pm

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When did we become a nation of people determined to ‘fit in’? I grew up in the fifties in a small southwestern town so I know a thing or two about being ‘too tall, too fat, too smart, etc, etc, etc. Kids would pick on anything to make you feel down in order for them to feel better, whether it was the glasses you wore or the cowlick you couldn’t get to lie down.

I guess the difference is that when I was growing up, our parents didn’t take that seriously, except in the more extreme circumstances. If a kid was being picked on by bullies at school, well that was one thing; if you had been called ‘four eyes’ or ‘Pole Bean’, well, suck it up. ‘Consider the source, and did you do your homework and practice your piano?’ was my mother’s response to everything. We were taught to care how we looked in the eyes of God, in the eyes of our parents and in our own eyes, in that order.

Now, we’ve got young girls who are concerned about their height, their weight, the size of their boobs, and rather than encouraging them to love and accept themselves, their parents are looking into boob jobs and hormone therapy. While on vacation, I was looking for clothes for my three year old grandaughter—THREE YEARS OLD. I couldn’t find a darned thing that didn’t make her look like a hootchy mama. In my humble opinion, we have, as a culture, lost our collective mind. As for me, I’m going to the basement and dig out my sewing machine.

By Sally K on 08/08/2009 12:45 pm

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My best friend through high school is also quite tall, she is 6ft. Needless to say she got lots of comments, too. She was also very shy and it really upset her when people would ask her "how’s the weather up there?", or something equally rude. She was taller than even most of the guys. I have the opposite problem, I’m barely over 5ft. Yeah, we made an odd looking pair when we hung out. Anyway, I always heard "how’s the weather down there?" So she and I made it into a running joke between us, and eventually she worked up enough nerve that when asked that rude question she would actually come back with something like "sunny and warm, how’s the weather down there?" Some thought it was funny and played along, others didn’t like it but left her alone after that.

By Jean B on 08/08/2009 9:34 pm

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Growing up I was always the tallest girl in the school and was probably taller than 3/4’s of the boys. I hated it but as I got older noticed that when my friends gained 5 lbs they looked different but when I gained 5 lbs I hardly even noticed. LOL I read a fun comback the other day. A bully walked up to a tall, lanky boy and asked him "How’s the weather up there beanpole?" The boy spit on top of his head and said "It’s raining" and walked away. I loved reading some of the combacks. It reminded me of all the years when I was self-conscious of being so much talker than everyone. Wish I could have had the confidence I have now.

In my family my husband and youngest son are 6’4", my oldest son is 6’6", I and one of my daughters is 6’ and my other daughter is 5’8". All of my SIL’s is over 6". One of my sons married a girl who is 6’1". In our family it’s cool to be tall. We tell our grandkids it’s so great that they are tall. The only sad thing is that with all this height you’d think we’d be good at sports but we aren’t. LOL

By Valerie Sorensen on 08/10/2009 10:16 am

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I think the writer to letter #1 has become a bit jaded to any commentary of her daughter’s height. To be offended by:

"One neighbor, when he first saw her, said he thought she was 10 or 11, and said it in front of her!"

is a bit sensitive, even for sensitive types like me. My son has the opposite problem, he’s small. Many people comment that they think he’s small for his age or younger than he is. I took it to heart for a while, but my husband was small in his youth, and I was taller than all of the boys in my class until high school. He’s now taller than me.

By April Grant on 08/21/2009 3:58 pm