Dear Margo | 08/05/2009 11:00 pm
Dear Margo: Sick of the Tall Remarks
Sick of the Tall Remarks
Dear Margo: My daughter is 8 years old and probably 4 inches taller than girls her age. She also has large feet. We have lived in Indiana, Michigan and now Wisconsin and still get the rude comments about how tall my daughter is. One neighbor, when he first saw her, said he thought she was 10 or 11, and said it in front of her! I suggested she tell people she likes being tall, but I can see that the remarks bother her. We were at a birthday party and the mother of the birthday girl kept telling me how tall my daughter was and how tall I was, as if we didn’t know. Another woman at this party said, "Wow, you must have a hard time with sizes." When we lived in Michigan, there were two queen-bee types who went on and on about how tall my daughter was to other women at a school function, which I took as an attempt to make my daughter out to be different. One of them even focused on her feet, her shoe size probably being larger than kids her age. How do I get the rude tall remarks to stop? Any good comebacks so people know they are being rude or out of line? — Tired of Hearing It
Dear Tired: One can never stop rude remarks, and ever was it thus. People always say dumb things without thinking. (I know I have.) As for the height and large feet, that’s how people described Jackie O. I would kill to be tall, but I do understand it’s hard on little girls when they feel "different" from the girls in their class. I would try showing your daughter fashion magazines where most of the models are tall. And since you, yourself, are tall, you can tell her you’ve always regarded it as a plus. Explain that most of the girls will catch up, and her growth spurt may be happening early. As for a comeback, try, "I know that being short is difficult, but I’m sure your daughter will grow." — Margo, sassily
The Departure of Desire
Dear Margo: I am a 24-year-old woman, married for three years. I love my husband, and we have two young children. We are pretty happy, though not exceptionally so, but we hardly ever have sex. There is nothing wrong with my husband; actually, he would like it to be every day. I find myself thinking about other men and wondering what it would be like to be "together." I even think about having affairs, although I don’t think I could bring myself to do it. I think about one day being divorced. I just don’t feel very attracted to him. Before we got married, our sex life was great. After the birth of our first child, it was pretty good again. Then after my second child, it became nonexistent. When we do have sex, I just go along with it so he’ll stop asking for a few days. I feel bad for him and am afraid he might find somebody else to give him satisfaction. I just don’t know what to do. Counseling is an obvious choice, but we have no insurance. I feel like my marriage will end if this does not change. Advice? — No Libido
Dear No: Something has turned you off your husband and you need to find out what it is. First, hunt down the institutions in your area that offer free mental health care. There are also books that deal with your problem, as well as online support groups. Peer counseling can be surprisingly effective. You haven’t been married long enough for sex to be old hat, so something else is going on. (Maybe caring for two little kids?) My feeling is that if it was good once, it can be good again. — Margo, optimistically
***
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
Dear Margo: My daughter is 8 years old and probably 4 inches taller than girls her age. She also has large feet. We have lived in Indiana, Michigan and now Wisconsin and still get the rude comments about how tall my daughter is. One neighbor, when he first saw her, said he thought she was 10 or 11, and said it in front of her! I suggested she tell people she likes being tall, but I can see that the remarks bother her. We were at a birthday party and the mother of the birthday girl kept telling me how tall my daughter was and how tall I was, as if we didn’t know. Another woman at this party said, "Wow, you must have a hard time with sizes." When we lived in Michigan, there were two queen-bee types who went on and on about how tall my daughter was to other women at a school function, which I took as an attempt to make my daughter out to be different. One of them even focused on her feet, her shoe size probably being larger than kids her age. How do I get the rude tall remarks to stop? Any good comebacks so people know they are being rude or out of line? — Tired of Hearing It
Dear Tired: One can never stop rude remarks, and ever was it thus. People always say dumb things without thinking. (I know I have.) As for the height and large feet, that’s how people described Jackie O. I would kill to be tall, but I do understand it’s hard on little girls when they feel "different" from the girls in their class. I would try showing your daughter fashion magazines where most of the models are tall. And since you, yourself, are tall, you can tell her you’ve always regarded it as a plus. Explain that most of the girls will catch up, and her growth spurt may be happening early. As for a comeback, try, "I know that being short is difficult, but I’m sure your daughter will grow." — Margo, sassily
The Departure of Desire
Dear Margo: I am a 24-year-old woman, married for three years. I love my husband, and we have two young children. We are pretty happy, though not exceptionally so, but we hardly ever have sex. There is nothing wrong with my husband; actually, he would like it to be every day. I find myself thinking about other men and wondering what it would be like to be "together." I even think about having affairs, although I don’t think I could bring myself to do it. I think about one day being divorced. I just don’t feel very attracted to him. Before we got married, our sex life was great. After the birth of our first child, it was pretty good again. Then after my second child, it became nonexistent. When we do have sex, I just go along with it so he’ll stop asking for a few days. I feel bad for him and am afraid he might find somebody else to give him satisfaction. I just don’t know what to do. Counseling is an obvious choice, but we have no insurance. I feel like my marriage will end if this does not change. Advice? — No Libido
Dear No: Something has turned you off your husband and you need to find out what it is. First, hunt down the institutions in your area that offer free mental health care. There are also books that deal with your problem, as well as online support groups. Peer counseling can be surprisingly effective. You haven’t been married long enough for sex to be old hat, so something else is going on. (Maybe caring for two little kids?) My feeling is that if it was good once, it can be good again. — Margo, optimistically
***
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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170 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
I was in a similar tall family, my dark haired mother was five foot and my dark haired father was six four. I was a blonde as a child and only 5’6" now to my two darker haired six foot sisters. Strangers would come up and ask about my adoption in front of me and my older sister picked up on that and told me she had known I was adopted and they were trying to find a way to give me back.
My mother finally showed me a photo of her mother as a child when she saw how upset it made me. We were dead ringers for each other, I was a genetic throw back! It caused me to take some genetic classes in college where I learned of the monk Mendelson and his using pea vines to study heredity.
People say things for many reasons but mainly because they never engaged the brain before opening the mouth.
I can see what the mom is saying though, other parents can be intentionally hurtful. But I’m sad to see how making fun of short people is acceptable, especially to the tall people here. I mean seriously, they get paid more, get better jobs, etc.. on average than others, plus others want to brag about how they are more graceful than others. So really, what is there to complain about? Plenty of you look down on the shorter people in more ways than one anyway, it’s hypocritical to be upset when someone points out how big you are. It reminds me of blonde women who want to stand out & be favored amongst all others, but complain about being called superficial or stupid. If the good outweighs the bad, IMO, you shouldn’t be complaining. How these discussions always end up being is ‘x trait is so beneficial, people without x trait are just envious & aren’t as good as you…end of discussion’. LAME.
In other words, bitter? Usually the keyword thrown out when a person does make a point in a situation that many be damning to some (who like to ignore it). I’m talking about the insults being posted here as much as any insult directed towards that lady’s daughter. I just don’t see why tall insults are wrong, yet being short is a curse.
I think that you should nourish a child’s inner worth and let the outside take care of itself. Instill a sense of personal responsibility, willingness to help others and a desire to learn why and what if. Encourage a child to look for answers and different ways to solve problems. Teach a child to look outside the box and to glory in what he can do, brain and body together.
Then everything else will take care of itself.
I’m 5’9.5" tall, and was one of the three tallest kids in my grade right up until high school. I love being tall. It feels empowering.
My birth mother and her other daughter are 6’3". I’m the short on in my maternal line. If you see your daughter’s tallness as an aspect of her beauty, LW1, so will she.
My height lends me very long legs. I can walk fast. I can see the top of my fridge. I can reach things off high shelves. And at times, my height has lent me a bit of safety - I can stare down some people who intend harm. Once a man a bit shorter than me who was crowding and harassing my sister took off like a scared dog when I drew myself up to my full height and glared imperiously down at him.
While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being short, being tall is also a beautiful thing. Help her celebrate that, and the opinions of rude people will matter so much less.