This Is Not "The One"

Dear Margo: I am a 30-year-old man with a college degree, a good job in these hard times and a girlfriend of six years who is starting her professional life soon. I love her, but now I am having doubts about our future. Part of the job training she’s getting is halfway across the country, so we would have a long-distance relationship for the next year. Furthermore, while we have a strong bond, there are several things having to do with religious and political issues on which we’ve never seen eye-to-eye (she’s the conservative, I’m the liberal). These things have never been a problem between us, but what concerns me is how our future children would be brought up.

Another thing that drives me batty is that she is 32 years old and still relies on her parents for almost everything. They’ve paid for countless things for her, and she will be getting monthly assistance from them while across the country. She also has a lot of debt that I’m worried about dealing with should we get married.

I’ve thought of marrying this woman, but then I think, with our differences, maybe we’re just destined to be friends. However, I was great friends with her sister even before I met her, and I fear that if I were to end my romantic relationship with her, my connection with her sister and her husband (one of my best friends) would crumble. I don’t know what to do. How do I best handle this? — Concerned in Colorado

Dear Con: Six years is a long time to spend with a woman who can’t manage money and depends on her parents, and whose views on important matters are not in sync with yours. You cannot marry this girl just so you won’t disturb the friendship you have with her sister and brother-in-law. I offer you two predictions: You won’t remain friends with your girlfriend, but neither will you lose the friendship of her sister and brother-in-law. As a general rule, it is not good policy to go ahead and marry someone who "drives you batty." — Margo, sagaciously 

Hey, Good Lookin’

Dear Margo: I am in my early 20s. Like most young women, I get a fair amount of attention from men of all ages when I am out. My question is, what is an appropriate response? One of my good friends will stop and entertain men who hit on her, regardless of where she is.

I think her actions are absurd. When guys whistle at me or yell out to me as I am walking on the street, I simply ignore them and continue on. This is what my mother taught me was acceptable behavior. I don’t find it necessary to give random guys who gawk and comment the time of day. Am I being rude? I am appalled by her behavior because most of my female friends act as I do. How should I handle these situations? – Anonymous

Dear An: I am not sure that "most" young women are showered with attention from strange men when they are out and about, but onward. I am also not sure what you mean when you say these men who are unknown to you "hit on" you and your friend. From my own experience as a younger woman (McKinley occupied the White House then), I can tell you that when construction guys would whistle or hoot and holler, I would wave and keep walking. I would not have classified that as being "hit on." If you are talking about strange men stopping you on the street to talk, you are correct to raise an eyebrow and continue on your way. As for your friend who seems to have the time of day for all comers, when you are with her just keep going. You cannot control her behavior, but you don’t have to join in. — Margo, civilly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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