#1- This wife has WAY too much time on her hands and access to too much money she’s not earning herself.  Also,  how naieve is she to beleive a created persona online is anything like an actual relationship?  Nice Guy, she’s playing YOU like a doormat.  You love her and have placed her happiness above your own, but she is not loving you back.  I’d cut her game access to zero.  If she wants it so bad, let her and her boyfriend pay for it.  And just watch this guy evaporate into thin air when he finds he’ll be paying the bills for this ingrate of a wife you have.  If I were you, I’d have a hard time trusting her again.  Your relationship might be salvageable, but realize - you deserve much better treatment than she is giving you.

#2 - Funerals are full of tears.  Who’s to say which tears are tears of sorrow vs tears of joy?  Out loud you can tell people the deceased is finally at peace.  And in your mind you can say "and so am I".  Closure - it’s a beautiful thing!

Nancy B asks "doesn’t the man on the internet have a job?? Who can afford to be on the net for hours each day just wasting time?"  Teenagers, deadbeats, unemployed, unemployable, someone on house arrest, retired, disabled, someone whos spouse is the bread winner. This list is endless. And as others have pointed out who knows if its a man??

Wow - I wish some of you could understand the depths of internet/gaming addiction. I hold a full-time job, have all my life, and I used to play 70-85 hours a week. That’s every week night from 5pm - 11pm/12am (sometimes later), and weekends often 20 hours a day. There were always skills to develop and the next-big-thing to kill. The guild (a like-minded group of players you team up with) just couldn’t possibly live without me… When you logged in there was almost always someone on to talk to (used in-game text and real-life communication via Skype/Ventrillo). These long hours with like minded people formed many bonds. I had friends online who fell in love after talking in-game, met in real life, and have a successful marriage. I had friends who "fell in love" after talking in-game, met in real life, and realized it just wasn’t meant to be. I had friends pursued by stalkers both in-game and in real-life — and that’s scary. I met people from all over the world - it was the best and worst experience in my life.

For those wondering how her love interest is on all day - it’s possible he works a night shift, lives in another country, or has a job with a lot of down time (I knew quite a few security guards who multi-tasked their infrequent gate attending duties by bringing in their laptops and playing at the same time). It doesn’t matter what he does; it matters that he has her attention. Yes, she needs to get out - work, volunteer, get a dog that requires a lot of outdoor exercise, something - but the more hours we put into the games and the fantasy and have that thin but real line of communication to a sympathic ear - then the harder it is to get out and LIVE.

It will take a lot of work on both their parts. He will have to convince her to come back to reality. He will have to give up his gaming as well - the temptation is just too great (like a smoker and a former smoker living together). They will have to find what brought them together in the first place or nurture the joys that would have kept them together after their marriage. It is so difficult. My gaming ended after my divorce. I had to find "me" again and I still struggle every day to resist finding something else to log into to play just to "escape" for a little while. I go to work, I take 4 classes a semester in college to work on my much delayed bachelors, I make sure my current husband and I do something around the house together every day that I’m not in class, and I think of my friends online who don’t have "a life" to remind myself why I stopped.

 I wish them the best of luck. It’s not too late, and he shouldn’t give up just yet, but he should try to get her back first.

LW#1 - In his wife’s case, it is likely a matter of her having all the time available to her, but that isn’t always the case. My ex-husband worked more than 50 hours a week, but managed to go online to chat rooms for all hours of the night. He found his own Georgia peach in one such room and left me and our son for this woman. Turns out I was right that she was nuttier than a fruitcake, and eventually the relationship ended, but the damage was done long before then.

This is someone that is "there" for her, someone to talk to that hasn’t heard all of her life stories, someone giving her his undivided attention.

She needs to get out of the house, get a job, get a hobby, get a dog… SOMETHING! And while counselling is a good idea, it can only work if both husband and wife are in attendance and are willing to do what is necessary to save the marriage. If she’s conflicted about "Mr. Online Dreamboat-Guy", then she’s not going to be willing to work to save the marriage. (Been there, done that, too.)

The grass is not always greener on the other side of the computer monitor, my friends. And the price to be paid is rather high if the regret outweighs the happiness.

I want to know where all these jobs are that several of you have said this woman needs to get. Seriously, I’m looking for one. As are a whole lot of other people. 

I imagine it’s all happened something like this. Maybe she had a good job and lost it. Maybe they’re scraping by or just don’t have the money to go out and do things like they used to. Maybe she feels guilty if she runs around town because that’s burning up gas in the car they need to go to the grocery store or that hubby needs to get to work. Ok fine, they spend the 20-30 a month for net access and (if it’s one particular game) the 15 a month to play the game. I’d imagine that she is definitely using this as an escape, and it’s not quite so delusional as you might think, but to just say "get a job" is pretty stupid, especially in this economy. I’ve been trying to find a job now for four months, I’ve been unemployed for two weeks (knew I was going to lose it so I started looking early) and most of the jobs I put in for have had 100-200 applicants or more.Should she volunteer somewhere? Sure, but what if she doesn’t live close by a place and their family only has one car? I know, i’m throwing a lot of variables out there, but I don’t think it’s just laziness or that the wife is half-cocked in her brain. She might be a touch depressed and just has delved into this escape route because it’s more fun and active than real life. Honestly, if you think you’re saving the realm from goblins and what not, would that not be more fun after reviewing the rejection letters in the mail and the "you’re great but we don’t want you" emails? 

And breathe…with all that being said, at this point she does need to disengage and focus on her family more. She really does love her husband, she just doesn’t love their reality that much. These days, who does. 

1. Give her a one way ticket to gameboy. 

2. Unless Daddy has left legally binding directions for his funeral, it is your show. Pick an open space with wind, give a eulogy to who you wish he had been [loving, forgiving, generous] [try to keep a straight face] then send his ashes up in a kite set to release them at 1000 feet. Then splice the main brace [whatever that is]