An Unfortunate Draw in the Parent Lottery

Dear Margo: At the beginning of the school year, I changed schools, leaving behind a snarky ex-girlfriend named "Anna" (left over from when I was still pretending to be straight). About a month ago, I met up with Anna at a party to which I brought my boyfriend, "Eli." It was then that she learned I was gay. Our breakup wasn’t a friendly one, and she thought I was trying to mock her by showing up with a boy, so she decided to get revenge. When I got home around midnight, my father began screaming and waving around a piece of paper. "What the hell is this?" he yelled. It was a picture of Eli and me kissing. I finally came out to him because after he saw the picture there was no point in denying it any longer. He told me to get out of the house, so I drove to Eli’s house and stayed there. I went home in the morning because my mother called Eli’s parents wanting to know where I was. Since then, my mother refuses to speak to me and my father takes every opportunity to tell me I’m not really gay … and if I am, I will be the downfall of the family. I am either being shunned or yelled at, and the only thing keeping me from suicide is Eli because I could not leave him alone like that. I don’t know what to do. — Ostracized and Fearful

Dear Os: I don’t know whether Eli’s family is a possibility, but the thing to do is move in with a friend’s family until your parents calm down. Such living arrangements are more common than you might think. It is sad when parents are so benighted that they feel this way, but it does happen, and it is happening to you. Stop thinking about suicide. That is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If no friend’s family steps up to the plate, I suggest you go to your church or school counselor for aid and advice. You can do this — and your life will seem "normal" again. — Margo, assuredly

Give Yourself Permission!

Dear Margo: I am 59 and have been married to my husband since I was 20. He is 12 years my senior. We have three children and eight grandchildren. We still love each other and do a lot of things together. However, for the last two years, I have been losing interest in the things he enjoys the most. I know my problem started in the beginning when I did everything he wanted … attending sporting events, going fishing, spending time at our lake cottage, etc. We actually own three cottages, and there is so much work involved, like putting out the piers and the boats, plus working at the socials the association has. (And somehow, seven years ago, I got roped into being secretary for the association.) I am tired of it. I’ve reached the point where I want to do what makes me happy, and that is staying home and spending time with my grandchildren. The problem is that I feel I’m betraying my husband. He still goes to the lake by himself, and we talk every night when he is gone. I hate to admit it, but I enjoy the time alone. I don’t like feeling guilty over this. Can I be a little selfish? — Sandy

Dar Sand: It is not selfish, after 30 years, to want to withdraw from socials, boats, cottages, sporting events, fishing, etc. You have put in your time, my dear. It sounds as though your husband is good with your choices, so give yourself permission to hang with the grands and enjoy some time to yourself. (I love time alone, and I didn’t even have to undo from socials, boats, cottages, sporting events, fishing, etc.). — Margo, peacefully

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
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