#1 Kind of makes me wonder if the father’s behavior towards his step-daughter continues when his own children are not being talked to, or in ear shot. Children are great sensitives, and if she was treated this way all the time, instinct would tell her to rebel. The last thing I would care to hear from my children/grandchildren is they had lost respect for me, and maybe that is exactly what Dad needs to hear to change his ways.

#2 It would be nice if this girl was just honest enough to say she was dishonest and be fair. Once again it sounds like a young woman seeking something else out, then crying for help!

#1,

It’s hard to write about the relationships here coherently.   Brava on the full blood daughter’s worry about her step-sister’s emotional health with her (SS’s) step-dad!  I agree, where is the mother in his nasty criticisms of his daughter by marriage?

Some men are able to be good parents to smart and easy kids, but not to their less-abled kids.  Some men can love their own kids, but not their new wive’s kids.  

I feel sorry for those kids, and for those wives, being married to such limited people.

I feel the greatest empathy for the daughter seeing her "wonderful" dad acting like such a certified jerk with this nice kid he’s supposed to be step-fathering, versus verbally abusing.  As I do for the wife, who thought she was marrying a nice man. Yes, by all means, talk to your dad about his verbal abuse to this sweet kid who is supposed to want to love him.  Have your brother do so, too.  

Oh, and when you talk to your dad, use words of one syllable.  "You are mean.  You hurt this girl."  He’s not the brightest of bulbs.

#2

So, "chewish youw wuv."  For heaven’s sake!   You dated him from age 15 to 19.  Your current beau has been willing to relocate 3 times in order to support you, and now that your first "twue wuv"  (thank you, The Princess Bride!) knows you are going to be a *doctor* and wants you again, you have *doubts!*

Who has treated you better?  Who knows you better?  Can that actually fight against an early infatuation?  How did he treat you?  Would he have relocated to support you?  What is he doing now?  Is he well-off, or might he be looking for a meal-ticket?

Learn to separate your fantasy life from your real life! 

Cheers,

Constance,

who understands the fantasies about boyfriends loved and lost!  I still have one about a certain guy named David, but I’m really clear about fact and fantasy!

For the first letter- the Dad needs to be brought up short and very quickly.  Perhaps he feels that beratting the stepchild will make his feelings for his own children known but he needs to know the damage he is doing to everyone

 For the second letter - you little twit - that you lead this long term boyfriend on a cross country chase after you is sad when all the time you wanted the ex.  Come clean and spare him any more anxiety.  You must be honest with him - he deserves so much more for putting up with your nonsense for so many years.  I pray he finds another deserving of his devotion as you are not the one who deserves it.  And I hope that your other lover leads you on and then dumps you because that is what you deserve aftet your callous treatment of the person that supported and loved you unconditionaly.  YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

holy cow kate, i understand how u feel, but jeez, take a chill pill there lady.  he who has not sinned cast the first stone!  u come off as harsh and rude.  and yes i know, u are entitled to your own opinion, as am i, u are rude, and have no consideration for others feelings apparantly.  although i can’t say i disagree with what u said, its the way u said them, wow.  i’d hate to do something wrong around u, LOL  as for the letters, #1 i would have a heart to heart with dad telling him, how great a father he was with your brother and u, and tell him that treating a child that way is no way for anyone to act, especially when its towards family.  if anything it makes him look awful.

#2  i agree with constance, and i have to also say, u should’ve never gotten back in contact with him.  there’s a reason he and u never were a permanent couple.  there is something there that does not mesh well.  and i don’t think u should hurt your current boyfriend who loves u so much, and has done so much for u.  sometimes we have to be selfless (unselfish??), and think of others, especially when the others are being so good to u.  u have to think of how HE would feel, if u told him that u were going to leave him for someone else!  and how would u have felt if your ex had done that to u?  its hard to think rationally when love is around, but we must take a time out, and always think things thoroughly from all angles, not just your own. hence being selfless, and then u make a good, smart decision. always think of the consequences of your actions.

LW #1, perhaps you and your brother together could speak to your dad about this problem. He clearly harbors resentment toward this girl, and ideally should seek counseling to deal with it. 

 LW #2, grow up already! At age 23, a relationship with the ex is going to be different from what it was at 14 - 19. Step back, take a good look at the man you’re with now, and give him the respect he deserves.  

LW1 - Well, now you probably know why your parents are divorced. Your dad’s got a mean streak. You need to confront your father, preferably with your brother alongside you. You need someone to corroborate what you have witnessed so he can’t chalk it all up to you being goofy. Then you need to follow up by confronting him every time he puts this child down, whether it’s face to face or via email. Be polite and not accusatory, but don’t back down.

LW2 - I’ll be blunt: You’re an idiot. Don’t take offense - most people are idiots when it comes to this kind of thing (I know I am). Repeat after me: True love is a cultural construct. True love is a cultural construct. True love is a culotural construct. Real life is not a movie.

You’re 23 and a medical student. That’s a dangerous combination of immaturity and stress. So, like Margo, I’m prescribing that you take some time off from your real relationship and your pretend relationship and concentrate on becoming a doctor. 

I am only responding to Torn in Two.

Having worked in Level One Trauma Care Centers connected with universities for the majority of my career I have had what I consider an above average number of experiences with interns, residents, student nurses. Regardless of the gender, race or age, there is no doubt that becoming a health care provider is a challenging and stress-filled career path. While no singular observation is going to be true of every individual there are some characteristics I have observed which are common to most of the fledgling medical professionals whom I have interacted with. Of course there is the highly developed trait of being able to focus, the determination to reach the goal, the ability to set aside all things which will interfere with the achieving that goal, and the ability to remember/recall in fine detail nearly everything related to the subject of discussion. It is unfortunate that these same characteristics also negatively affect other areas in the student’s life also.

There have been occasions where I have witnessed a few medical students in a situation similar to what you describe. First, remember you have these traits in your character and they can influence you in ways you may wish they wouldn’t. Second, remember that the human brain doesn’t mature until it is around 24 years old so your memories of a more youthful love may not realistically meet the requirements you have and need now. Finally, you have had very little life experience outside of being a medical student. It is a different world once you begin your practice without the support system that is in place for medical students. Talk to others and learn what they have to say about the decisions they wish they hadn’t made or were not aware of making when they reached the stage you are at now. Be aware that your life is going to change radically as soon as you exit your studies and achieve your position. Many persons at the same stage you are at in your studies and life regret the decisions they made based on nostalgia. Just make sure you will be able to live with the decision you make. If you are hoping to become a physician things are going to be much rougher and a complicated love-life is probably not going to be manageable very soon.

I’m more concerned with the mother allowing the stepfather to verbally abuse her child. Love is blind perhaps. I would talk to the mother.

We often become what we are told we are. And that is no more true than with children.