Oh gracious! Yes! Our youngest was called an "enigma." One minute she would be with everyone, active, happy, audible, and the next minute she would, "POOF," disappear. One horrid time, she was with us at the dinner table, vacationing in Canada, on one of the Great Lakes. Everyone always watched for her because she was so independent, and elusive compared to her older siblings. In fact, she was that way from birth on. 

Because of her penchant for disappearing, we adults sat talking at the dinner table and she was on my lap. We included her in our discussion, and in our every move even, sqeezing, and touching her so we would know for sure she was "there," though she was just a llittle 30-month.

Suddenly someone said, "Where is she?" We all JUMPED up and headed for the front door, her daddy raced toward the bedrooms. As soon as we hit the great lawn that rolled down to the lake, our eldest let out a blood-curtling scream from out in the water! We were all running fast, panicked more by the scream. I can still see my 13 year old dive into the water and shoot up again with the baby in her arms; she swam then ran out of the water and we met them swooping them both up in many arms.

She kept yelling at us, "She was floating on her back looking up at me from under the water … " over and over again. I was ready to call the FBI on myself, but so were the other adults, and her older siblings, but as everyone kept saying, "We all watch her every minute …" But, for some reason, that child could do that over and over again.

She did "it" in Oklahoma at a state park, too. That time, we were camping at our favorite point on a huge lake about 4 hours from home. Her life-saving "swimmies" and a life vest was on, but she was in the tent sound asleep. I was sitting right at the door!

The others were all either swimming, or playing around the campsite. I peeked in the tent, and she was GONE! I can still hear myself screaming - "Baby’s gone - HELP!" and yelling out her description. The other campers tumbled out of tents, trailers, and appeared from trees, one man was still putting on his trousers - they were rushing down to the lakeside, or to me. The kids dashed everywhere calling her name. We called, and called … rangers came …

I just knew she was in the water but she also knew she would not drown with her jacket on and and the ‘swimmies.’ But, there were moments when I glimpsed grief, and felt totally unable to deal with whatever was going on.

Eventually, everyone had run into the water but knowing that I was the best swimmer for miles, I still looked up toward the rec area and peered into the trees like I used to do for our cat … all of a sudden, there she was . . . blithely walking toward me with her sweet smile on her face, then she waved… "Hi Mamaaaa!" sweetly. She was also nude!

(she still does that - takes off on trips, leaves the country, talks to one of us on the phone but fails to say she’s in Costa Rica or some other place than home. One day, one of my daughers was talking to me on her cell phone on the PA pike when I casually mentioned that I hadn’t heard from the youngest since she left for Bermuda. That stopped our call - "I’m calling her now - call you back!" We don’t trust her to this day! 

This is my favorite horror topic.  I am writing a book on child awareness - as in "where is the little darling now?"  Horror stories for parents to read out loud.  There is so much to be learned from many of these scenarios, for example:

 1) Backing out of the driveway needs to be a two adult process - just like it takes a person on the ground to help a pilot back an airplane out of the gate.  One person must be in complete physical control of the child while the other parent is pulling away.  I used to stand in the window with my children,  "Wave goodbye to Daddy."  Otherwise in the DOZENS of stories I’ve read, in blink of an eye, that child can end up behind the car - crushed, and just as dead as if an airplane had run over her.  

 2) I call it The 5Layer Safety Burrito -  ( a take-off on Taco Bell’s 7 Layer Burrito).  There is nothing that can ruin a night’s sleep for me like reading the latest toddler horror story on the AP newswire.  The stories get forwarded to me via Google each evening.  Just this week, I read about the TWINS that drowned in their family pool.  The parents were responsible, but the mother had fallen asleep and the two year olds had been playing tea party, and needed water, and had managed to get the pool gate open.   The mother commented that some comments from people had been vicious.  Those nasty comments are a defense mechanism that people use to make themselves feel impervious to this type of tragedy.  In reality, toddlers are the ultimate Houdinis.  My 5 layer pool safety recommendations include:

A.  A wrist device on the child that detects moisture:  Wristband sets off an alarm that can be heard both inside and outside the house.  We use "Pool Turtles."

B.  A wave detector that floats on the pool surface:  It can be set to a very sensitive setting, so that even a small child slipping in will set off the alarm.

C. A pool fence: Minimum 5 foot high fence with self closing gate (automatic pool covers also work) AND

D. A lock, a lock, a lock with a KEY on the self-closing gate.  The twins slipped through the self-closing gate. In my own case, after my son stood on a chair and opened the pool gate to get the ball in the pool, the baby walked in behind him, and fell in.  A minute later they were both standing in my kitchen dripping wet, as the 5 year old explained how he had to rescue the baby from the pool.  After that, not only did I lock the gate, I wore the key around my neck.  

E. Door alarms.  The alarm can go on the pool gate AND on  the house doors.  I have collected hundreds of stories of children slipping out of the house , during nap time, in the middle of the night, barefoot in snow storms, and in my two year old son’s case, in a gothic lightening  thunderstorm. He walked 3/4 of a mile to the neighbors, at night, on a country road to mail letters.  He walked through the bear infested woods, next to a rain swollen raging river,and then over a bridge.  I had to explain to a 24 year old social worker why we didn’t know he left the house after he had been put to bed.  Here’s the funny thing:  he was afraid of the dark, and wouldn’t even walk up to bed without a sibling holding his hand - but that time, venturing out in the dead of night was no problem because he was determined to mail his sisters letters that he had spotted on her nightstand.  

My husband is a survival instructor who trains people to avoid and survive the scariest situations.  But when  I follow him around the house, saying:  Listen to this story.  He covers his ears and says - Stop I can’t take it anymore.   Then we both have nightmares.  

The important thing to remember is that every parent needs a SYSTEM of awareness to keep track of the child that DOESN"T rely on just the parent or caregiver keeping an "EYE" on the child.  Attention diverts and fractures, and time distorts - we think we looked away for a moment but those seconds are enough to allow a complete escape.   

(If anyone can recommend a non-fiction book on writing I’d appreciate it.)   

PS: One day, Miss Youngest was lost at NM Northpark in the coutour salon. Everyone was looking for her, as usual. Now about 4, her siblings were at a loss as to what to do with her.

I put up my finger, and suggested we listen after we call her name (she had become less adventuous and looked upon "my kids (as she called them)" as a pain in the neck. All of a sudden, we heard a loud belch! Lo and behold, sweet thing had gone into a circular rack of sale items to hide - "so I could berp, silly!" NM never forgot her!

The New York City subway:  long ago when the children were kindergarden age, we were on a vacation to New York and - as a first time for all - were taking the subway.  Waiting for the one we were told to get on, standing in a crowd, the wrong train came up and our small child was caught in the crowd and swept on the train.  The doors were closing.  My husband was forcing open the doors to make it on when he had grasped what happened … and it was the last we saw of them. 

Not knowing what to do and all unfamiliar with the routes, the rest of us decided to go to the restaurant, hoping that my husband not only found our boy in the crush of the subway, but remembered the German name of the place we were to eat.  We found it fine, but they were now way out of the way.  Over an hour later, they appeared - having their own tale to tell of what happened when those subway doors closed, our son was still lost in the car, and they were off in the wrong direction. 

Things can happen in an instant we found. . very scary things that are never really forgotten!

There’s a lot of heated conversation these days about whether kids are really in danger, or whether the hype has locked them in the house forever. Certainly, they need to learn how to fend for themselves and know the joy that comes from doing so. I’m with the Free-Rangers on that one.

The statistics are reassuring, even if they’re not definitive (the researcher himself has qualified them and asked for better numbers). But really, the overwhelming stats are that your child will get to school safely every day.

Unless your child is that one in a million. (And don’t we all think that?) Then the statistics mean NOTHING. I spent five years living in the shoes of the Patz family for my book, AFTER ETAN, and still cannot imagine how they made it through. One time, his first time, walking two blocks to the school bus stop on his own. Despite all the number crunching to the contrary, that’s all it took.

I’m just saying that if you’ve ever had that heart-clutching, terror, even for a second, of your baby lost from sight, it’s enough to overreact forever after. That’s when statistics are no more than a worthless piece of paper.

And by the way, playing in the car trunk? Emergency cords don’t always work. That sends a chill up my spine.

Lisa R. Cohen, AFTER ETAN:The Missing Child Case That Held America Captive http://www.afteretan.com

I don’t have children, but some years ago, I was in Bloomingdales in New York when I encountered a frantic young woman whose son had gone missing in the store. I will never forget the sheer horror and panic on her face. Every single shopper was immediately galvanized as we all joined her in the hunt. In a matter of minutes, one of the sales persons located the toddler, peacefully curled up under a rack of coats, sound asleep, completely oblivious to the chaos around him. When he was awakened by his mother’s fierce hug, he said loudly, "I wasn’t lost. I was right here!" Tears turned to laughter, but the feeling of fear lingered long after.

When I was a child (back in the Jurassic Era) my mother and I had a pact: if I ever got separated from her in a store, I was to go to the nearest cash register and ask for help. Or, if it was a big enough store, the instructions were, "Meet me at the shoe department if we get separated." It was a different era then - and on the one occasion that I ended up sitting in the shoe department, there were three or four other kids there, too. We all sat in one row and the department manager gave us each a lollipop. There we were, happily chatting and enjoying our treats when our moms arrived - somewhat flustered and breathless - to reclaim us like pieces of lost luggage.

As Joan pointed out, "things can happen in an instant", and today so many of those things have horrific outcomes. What parent today does not have a sinking feeling the first time a child heads off on his or her own for the first time? What parent today does not feel the panic when the expected phone check-in call is fifteen minutes late? What a sad change in society that our immediate response is a surge of adrenaline and sheer horror when we lose sight of a child even for an instant. I suppose these horrors have always happened - we just didn’t hear about them as we do today. It is a daunting task for parents to strike the balance between instilling a sense of confidence and personal responsibility in their kids, and protecting them from the many dangers of our world today.

My career was in child protection.  We regularly got reports of inadquate supervision for children found wandering away from their homes, and sometimes those kids were just free spirits, creative, and little Houdinis with concerned and attentive parents.  If supervision was reasonable (drunk mom sleeping on the couch with front door unlocked—unreasonable.  Alert parents with high locks on doors, locked gates, etc—reasonable), we generally did not close the case as true but would work with the parents about developing additional layers of supervision.  However, I was forever being amazed at how some children could circumvent layers and layers of safeguards in no time at all to satisfy their wanderlust.  Once I had a four year old disappear while I was talking to his mother and we BOTH had our eyes on him.