Hi Joan,

Condolences to you on the loss of your friend.  The important thing is that he lived life actively, passionately, and with full engagement. Everyone’s gravestone has a birth date and a death date and a dash in between.  What was in the dash?  That’s the real question. Your friend Hercules apparently had quite a lot in his dash, as witnessed by the very large funeral attendance.

For those other things you regret not doing - why not start doing them now? Go live life to its fullest!  Fill up your dash starting now!

My heart goes out to you both, one thing for sure we know about life is that it is uncertain, we inhabit this earth for such a short time but we think it will be forever and we are shocked to find out that it is otherwise .. and yet how could we get through a single day if we really knew. 

Someone told me once, and i will never forget it, that every year we go past our birthday, but we also go past our death day, if we knew it would we change what we do ?  The absolute worst thing about gettin’ up there in age is the realization that we will lose friends. And the absolute only thing we can do is to listen to the cliché " live each day as if it were your last" , and yet we don’t. 

What we CAN do is tell our friends what they mean to us, let go of petty grievances and regrets and do your best to be the best friend ever. And realize that our friends are feeling the same thing we are … we’re all in this together.  

Joan,

You have known and know such interesting people.  What a blessing.

Most mornings, an awful depression haunts my waking moments - so I reach out to touch my kitty sleeping between my head and the headboard, hear her little purr, then force myself to get up, close the window and look into the garden. Moving about, contemplating the day’s work, a visit to the gym, my family & friends, books to read, music to hear, favorite NPR radio conversations, and a past rich with wild wonderful experiences. I realize that the depression and anxiety were ‘gifts’ from my parents that I don’t have to keep. Off to the kitchen for the pleasures of breakfast before seeing clients and helping them understand and deal with their painful moods

Because I believe in the ‘healing power of laughter’, I recommend "Duck Soup for the Soul, the way of living louder & laughing longer" by Swami Beyondananda. It makes me laugh out loud regardless of how often I’ve read it. Don’t give it to anyone recovering from surgery until their stitches have healed! 

Joan,

In June it will be 8 years since my husband passed away. The funeral that you felt so bad about attending was not for you friend but for you, friends and family. This is part of the process of grieving! It seems that you have some issues about not attending so I suggest that you do something nice in his name. That way once again he puts a mark on society and you feel better helping someone that really needs the help.Attending the funeral would have done nothing but help you go through the process so do something that will make you feel better.

Sandy

A dear friend of my daughters five years ago, died in a matter of months of brain cancer. During those final months, they were separated across the state and she was not able to see him. During the exit for one of his last hospital stays, he had dropped a paper with her number on the floor, and fell which put him back in the hospital.

The day he died she was wracked with pain, knowing she would not see JR again. I knew nothing about a special thing they had between the two of them, where JR would always have a yellow rose for her when they met. The morning he died and we were talking, he came and kept showing a yellow rose like he was pushing for it to be known. Cheri was sceptic about seeing him and I told her for some reason , he wants you to know about a yellow rose, and that he does not want you to come to the services and see him now.

Then I found out about thier secret rose they shared between them as friends. Sometimes, fulfilling the real choice for the one that parted, is loving them as they were, without changes of what might have been.

Blessings,

Linda

Joan , you were certainly fortunate to have Mr Bellville as your friend. I had read his obit in The Guardian some days ago.  You know, I frequently read them in the Daily Telegraph or The Guardian or the Times because  the Brits seem to have lots of larger than life characters,whose lives, full of adventures, eccentricities, loves & talented works seem so exciting if one considers the paltry lot of today’s celebrities.  One gets the feeling of lives lived with gusto, courage & a sense of humour. Hope to be remembered somehow along those lines.

Godspeed Mr B!!!