Perhaps, the sign not mentioned, the sign that should be #1 on the list is the close friend  - sometimes, "the best friend" - that you have found cannot be trusted.  TRUST is - or should be - paramount in a close friendship.  You want the person or persons that you can share and discuss your deepest secrets.  She is the person you call first when you want to talk private things out. 

However, it is well known that it is difficult for women to keep secrets.  The conversation to still another that begins with "promise you won’t tell anyone else, but … ." followed by the full story of what should never have been revealed?  How often have we been recipient of "tales told out of school"??? 

Huge BEWARE signs should flare … NOT TO BE TRUSTED EVER AGAIN. 

But we, as women with stories, truly need to talk.  So hopefully, we all have good friends from forever who do not live in the same town, the same state even.  They have no connection with your pals in town and yet know you well.  Calling long-term friends at a distance is a wonderful way of keeping your connection fresh.  But when you need advice and counsel or just need to confide, you make those girlfriends feel really special to be the recipient of confidences.  Often the viewpoint, I have found, is more worldly than those close to the scene anyhow. 

I find we get quite good at making judgments of what makes a good friendship as our own years mount.  Frankly, some that we "put up with" are just not worth our time anymore … and we gently move away.  We get so that we prefer our own company to someone who is, frankly, boring.  We become — and I think this is the best word — "selective".  And we treasure — absolutely treasure — those who are there for us through thick or thin — for they are like GOLD in our hands!!!!!  Joan

I have had MANY toxic friends in my life. Countless people who fit any one of the signals indicated in Randi’s article. However I have made a vow to myself to only allow positive energy in my life. I no longer associate (on a close level) with people who are toxic. Even family members, as much as I love my family I have learned life is too short to deal with drama. So if that is where they live, in a sea of drama, they are not allowed to be around me.

At work where for most of us it is difficult to get away from people who are toxic, I manage to keep my distance.  It’s all about recognizing I come first. My days of going through life wanting approval from others, wanting people to "like me" are gone. And I have to admit, I am much happier now.

I don’t let anyone around me that is toxic.  However, there are minor issues with trying to be friends with women.  I dislike anyone who makes promises to do activities with you and then doesn’t mention it the closer the time gets to the event.  I have too few women friends because they are petty and backstabbing.  I have way more men friends.  I hate talking about women stuff most of the time, it works for me.

Sorry, folks, hate to disillusion you, but your mothers prepared you very well, but you weren’t listening. I’m old enough to be your mother (actually Randi’s mother and I are acquaintances), and I recognized toxic friends long before you were born, because my immigrant mother taught me how to observe, listen, and wonder about friends and enemies. Give us a break; our circumstances, described by you young ones, do not resemble anything you observed or heard,  who knows why! Perhaps  you weren’t paying attention. And, keeping secrets was the way to go when necessary, though occasionally we found that burdensome. We learned those rules  when we were in elementary school, except we didn’t use toxic; we had  our own jargon which is now a secret.We made friends at work, while traveling, in our neighborhood, and the places we didn’t share with our family, and we learned about betrayal, competition, envy, and all that stuff.

 It’s getting corny to complain that your mothers didn’t teach you about vaginas, contraceptives, friendship, money, and sisterhood. Got news for all of you. We knew our anatomy, chose contraceptives, had complicated friendships with other women and confided in them about work, husbands, children, money, and anything else on our minds, and we didn’t confuse our relationships with our mothers and daughters. I can’t speak for siblings, because I didn’t have any, but friends were my support system, far and near, as I was theirs, and whenever an old pal and I meet (now in our dotage, according to you) and some live 3,000 miles away now, we continue our dialogue where we left off. And, I got rid of the toxic ones. 

I understand that Ms. Barash needs subject matter to publish books, but leave us out of it. It’s passe to blame your mother; ask the shrink you pay.

Take responsibility for your own attitudes and actions. You are grown up, I presume. Or blame Carrie!

It seems to me that susan has came up with signs of  figuring out if your friend is toxic or not, and now that i think about it, i have seem the signs, i chose to ignore tham (that cant be good)..I CANT WAIT TO GET  MY HANDS ON A COPY OF Susan’s book to learn more about TOXIC FRIENDS!

The kinf of friends you have are depends on the kind of person you are…if you have a negative personality and are a bad friends…those are the kind of friends you are most likely to be involved with…

Of course that is not always true becasue everyone is different.  However, I think it s important that you can identify the type of freinds you have if you wish to change the negative friendships in your life.