I’m with you, James.  I think the view of love presented here is a bit dim for my tastes. 

My dad always used to tease me, "Don’t you know it’s just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor one?"  Though he’d have loved it if I’d found a wealthy man to make the path a bit easier, he knew full well that love was more important - heck, he married a working woman with a house full of kids and I’ve never seen a happier couple, still after all these years. 

The author is on to something, but I think she just took a wrong turn.  She asked: "Should the decision to marry take into account something else besides our feelings?" and my answer is absolutely, YES!  But does that mean that money is that "something else"?  If it’s that important to you, make it one of many criteria, but heck, if she thinks love is fleeting, just look at today’s economy and try to tell me that money isn’t more so!  
I have a theory about love and marriage.  When you marry based on lust and raw emotion, then yes - odds are the bliss will be short-lived and you may not have a long marriage - it happened to me the first time around.  But, that "something else" should be looking beyond the emotion and taking a long hard look into a shared future (hard to do when you’re young and carried away, I know).  When I met my current husband, we became true friends first.  We respect each other and we trust each other, we love to make each other laugh, we talk through and agree on major financial,household and family issues, our interests are similar, and we have a wonderfully romantic and passionate love life.  These are some of the things we took into account many years ago - not just if we were "in love".  Sickness and health, richer or poorer… these weren’t just words, they were considerations we made and commitments we stand by.  I wanted to be sure that this man was the man who would be with me through thick and thin.  I’m happy to say that our love has grown deeper every year. 

I’m sorry to hear about your love, James.  I’d be willing to bet though that your relationship was also based on more than just a word and a "fleeting" feeling. 

And as for why women (in general) are unhappy?  The woman’s movement didn’t give us a free pass, but it did give us more options and paved the way for us to make our own decisions. No one said it would be easy and just like for men, we have only ourselves to blame if we’re unhappy.  Do I always make the right decision - not even close, but I know that when I’m unhappy or if I find I’m doing too much, it’s up to me to find out what’s right for me and make appropriate changes.  

Maybe it’s easier for me as I don’t live in a city - people in cities often get caught up in the ‘must have, must do, must go’ attitude a bit more than those of us in rural communities (the towering heels everyone wears these days?  I haven’t worn heels that high in 20 years.) But no matter where you are, it’s up to us to jump on or off the merry-go-round if the status quo isn’t working for us!  And before someone takes me to task for that statement, yes, I know that changing jobs or leaving jobs isn’t always an option, but gradual lifestyle changes could easily make the difference between being happy and going through the motions.  Again, it’s the big picture… It’s all about balance, but balance in life is easier if you remain true to yourself.  We should look at the details making us unhappy, but only if we look at them in concert with everything, including the good things, the trade-offs, and our dreams for the future.  Stop worrying about being who everyone else thinks you should be and be yourself! If you’re not happy, ask why and then do something about it! Even small changes can make a big difference. 

This is Pollyanna, over and out… ;-)

Chrome Toe,

Excellent post.

It’s about taking the hot and heavy romanticism out of the decision formula and using our heads to calculate the probability we’ll land on our feet. Sounds cold and ruthless…….but sometimes you’ve just gotta’ be that way.