Why is there no discussion of respect here? Most women who sleep around have minimal if any self-respect. Either they don’t think or care that guys have no problem using them or they don’t feel confident that they can climb the corporate ladder without screwing their way up it.

As for the men, why are they going to respect women who have no self-respect?

If you decide to marry and build a partnership and commit to monogamy, then respect your spouse enough to honor your commitment.

The younger generation is more cavalier about sex, true…but not across the board. I have a 20 year old daughter in college. She has stories galore of the sluts whom the guys have no respect for…recently how one came home just the other night with cum dripping from her hair talking about how she slept with two different guys hours from each other. The majority of the girls at the house were too appalled to say a word.

Interestingly, my daughter has guys calling her all the time to hang out. She’s the one they want to talk with and do things with. They think she’s smart, cool, beautiful and drama free. And they point blank tell her "We LOVE that you aren’t a slut."

This commentary is just as misguided as filanderers are.  The problem is not that we’re just too prudish to recognize that fidelity is an outdated concept, it’s that people who don’t want to be monogamous are making promises and betraying people who do.  Monogamy might be an outdated practice, but it is plainly wrong to make promises, break promises and lie.  Whether it is about sex, money, work, or anything else, promising something to an intimate partner and then betraying that promise is hurtful and wrong.

I do think that our society has contributed to this deceptive behavior by glorifying monogamy and shaming promiscuity in conflict with natural urges.  Many cheaters get a special thrill out of hurting the people they made promises to because of this taboo, and feel obligated to be deceptive rather than open about their promiscuity.  People should be encouraged to be as promiscuous as they want but to be so openly and honestly, not using marriage as a way to trap innocent people into a situation they would not consent to. 

No matter how common infidelity is though, it is nothing less than devastating to those who have been betrayed.  Perhaps the marital affairs appearing in the media are not disclosing the existence of open marriages, and there would be nothing wrong with two people agreeing not to be exclusive, but make no mistake, there are many people out there who are making committments to be monogamous to people who want and take that committment seriously, and betrayal to them is absolutely, positively devastating (and wrong!) 

We should start out with the question of who created the concept of "monogamy".   Men did, for the purpose of knowing that they fathered the children they were feeding.   They did not wish to feed children of other men.

When a woman is past the stage of child bearing is there a real purpose to monogamous behavior?   There is certainly, if that is the type of relationship she wishes to have AND her partner is of a like mind.

For 22 years of marriage I was monogamous for all of the reasons stated in the comments above.  i had given my word, I respected myself, and ethical behavior is a central pillar of my character.   That is not to say that I was not occasionally tempted, but my word has ALWAYS been my bond.   It nearly destroyed me.

My husband, on the other hand, because of his own emotional cowardice and dissatisfaction with our marriage, ended up seeking other women and ultimately (while on a job 2000 miles from our home) moving in with a woman.   this after telling me that we had to get married because (I wished to live together) anything else implied a lack of commitment.

I was widowed in 2007 and will never again allow anyone to tell me what I must do and who I must be.    I was born to be a free spirit, and that means a freedom to choose who I wish to go to bed with.  Monogamy may be for some people and I applaud their choice.   It is not for ALL people.  And I should not be labeled promiscuous or slutty because my choices differ from yours.   For women to be willing to judge each other so harshly based on values created by men is a pity, because I assure you men do not engage in that kind of labeling.

Listen to them talk to each other about sex, men who have multiple sex partners are celebrated or at worst poked fun at, but they are never called something as ugly sounding as the word slut.   Why do we do that to each other?

This post bothers me because of its polarization between monogamy and infidelity without acknowledging the polyamory choice. Not everyone is suited to be monogamous, no matter how hard they try. I know I was monogamous in my first marriage, and it was HARD because it went against my nature. For me, sex is sex, and love is love, and woe to the person who confuses the two. I respect people who can be monogamous, but I can’t do it. My second husband and I talked about the issue before we got married, and we agreed to leave monogamy out of our vows and expectations, that no matter what else happened, our partnership came first. So far, it has worked.

Evidently, there have been studies—I haven’t seen them, but I’ve seen them quoted—that indicate cheaters would cheat, no matter if they have a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. It’s not about permission or passion; it’s the thrill of doing something and skirting on the edge of getting caught, or getting caught. It’s about the cheating, not the sex, in other words.

To claim monogamy is the pinnacle of marital behavior and is the only ideal causes more damage than good. Some people are monogamous. Some people are cheaters. Some people are polyamorous. Some people can easily practice polyfidelity. We need to acknowledge the inherent differences, help people figure out what they are, and to deal with what is, not attempt to jam everyone into a box whether they fit or not. No one true way.