An additonal thing to donate, if you are going to donate, is personal care products. Things such as Maxi Pads, Tampons, Lotions, Soaps, Shampoos, etc..  There are never enough of these things.

 If you have nice candles that you don’t burn or fancy soaps that you don’t use, please consider giving them as well. I donate my christmas "beauty"  baskets to our local shelter every year. I never use the items and I know they brighten someones day. :) 

i was abused by my parents. when i was a young child my mother would grab me by my hair and bang my  head against the wall.later she became more emotionally abusive. when i was in my 30s, going thru a divorce from an abusive husband, i told her one of her friends had said he didn’t know she had such a lovely daughter; she wheeled around and said to me, ‘didn’t you tell him you’re really a nasty old wretch?’

my father was even worse. he obviously has narcissistic personality disorder. even though i graduated from h.s. and university with honors, all he ever did was tell me that whatever i did he could do better; that i was nothing and worthless. he was also very violent and once kicked my bedroom door to shreds while i corned inside shaking in fear. at 54, i am still terrified of him. this is just a small part of the story.

i managed to get through this awful childhood relatively well; i am an optimistic person, i have a strong faith, i did well academically, i have many interests. BUT i know it damaged me in one key way, as i see the other writers have also been damaged: i have spent all my life looking for love, and affection. i was, and remain, so lonely and so deprived of this that i remain vulnerable to the least sign of interest in me, and many people - men esp. - take advantage of this.i would be convinced a man was interested in me, while he was only interested in using me for sex.even many girlfriends would ‘flee’ as they saw how lonely i was, how i came from such a shattering background, and they saw my great need to be loved, and they just didn’t want to be around that, so i felt even more abandoned and lonely and rejected.

it is the same now. i am married now to a man who at times is decent enough but at other times is an abusive alcoholic. instead of giving me support, people are uncomfortable and don’t want to be involved. they just tell me to leave him. if i don’t, well, its my fault if i suffer.they do not see how hard it is to just end our marriage. i am also very disabled and cannot live on my own. so i am judged and ostracised . what i really need is love, support, and friendship.                                                                                                                                                                                            

The system is very broken, not just in the instance of abused women and children. 

The idea that churches and non-profits can handle a society that is systemically broken in so many ways, is ridiculous. And so is the idea that we can’t shift our priorities and make drastic changes. 

I had very good 20 year career, an excellent income and lifestyle, and then had an accident and a traumatic brain injury and everything changed. I hoped to be recovered within a year and would go back to my work. While in no shape to do so had to fight the insurance company[or rather racket] to be reimbursed for medical bills, etc. I quit counting how much after the loss was at $700K.

When it became clear I was going to be off for at least a year, I decided to do something always wanted to do….write a book. It was incredibly frustrating because I couldn’t remember the first sentence by the time I wrote the fourth, but the neurologist said the repetition would rebuild neural pathways.

At the same time, Bush was elected. The insurance company was one of his biggest supporters and I soon discovered what Graydon Carter, the Exec Editor of Vanity Fair said a few years later when he wrote ‘What We Have Lost". Here he was a savvy, ultimately connected, sophisticated head of one of America’s best magazines and was shocked to find until you sit down and really investigate and write a book you are simply too distracted to notice the deep structural cause and effects in our system.

We had problems before Bush Inc SYSTEMICALLY set out to not just undo all the social programs, but to create a very polarized nation of very rich and a vastly diminished middle class too stressed and struggling to pay attention while their propagandists beat the drums 24/7. And now today we have nearly a Hooveresque landscape. And an economy that is teetering on the brink of a Argentina like melt-down.

My TBI and consequences were nearly identical to a Grosse Point Emergency Room internist who later wrote a book about the 11 years it took her to rebuild her life. She was never able to go back to practicing medicine. She had infinitely more access to the medical community than 99% of us, and to a special retraining program at NYU, that she flunked and had to repeat. She had tremendous support that I did not have, nor would most in the same situation. And even then, she found it nearly impossible to cope and she discovered how if you have a head injury [or you are a returning Vet, or an abused woman, or a fired whistleblower….name your situation] that few can understand because they haven’t had the experience and can’t imagine it, and are too busy with their own situations and being overwhelmed by all they see in the world.

I am NOT a bit surprised by the woman who wrote Margo about her abuse. We have formerly middle class people across the nation living in tent cities. Couples who’ve appeared on Oprah who had $200K a year incomes, savings, rainy day funds, etc. Then suddenly jobs and insurance are lost, a child becomes very ill, the savings is soon gone and they are looking at foreclosure and the street. It is then they’ll discover that social programs are depleted and overwhelmed because the money that would have gone to or remained in states was sent over to Iraq to run a phony war for Exxon and Haliburton and Blackwater and make rich people exceedingly richer.

If want a vivid and quick visual of why that lady can’t get a hand back up, but we can spend over $100M on one fighter jet alone. Here it is: 

http://www.truemajority.org/oreos/

Hopefully the link will go live, but since that happens sporadically of late…it is worth cutting and pasting into your web browser.

There was an excellent book around 2005 called The Sorrows of Empire. You’re looking at them all across this nation.

Something to consider in this woman’s story, is why is that some survive concentration camps, rapes, torture, starvation, every deprivation and still come back to make another life?

-One of the very badly injured students at Columbine who had to learn to walk, talk, etc all over again said he decided to be a victor instead of a victim.

-Bill Bartmann was homeless at 14, and had a horrendous story and became a billionaire. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFKDm1ghYfQ

-Tina Turner was beaten, abused, threatened, etc and walked out on Ilk without a cent—look at all that she became. That would not have happened without tremendous self-belief and determination.

-Will Smith portrayed a San Francisco man’s true story in his film "The Pursuit of Happyness." [not mispelled, that was the title] He had a wife and son and relatively happy life and everything fell apart. He and his son wound up sleeping in parks, public bathrooms…the great Rev Cecil Williams gave him a bit of a break…he took it from there and made an astonishing success story. Wonderful film. 

There is no denying what this lady has in front of her is lonely, harrowing and tough. But she is obviously intelligent and articulate enough to write that letter, and resourceful enough to get it read by Margo Howard. And now we are all reading it, too. Extrapolate on that power to persuade and convey.

At some point a person needs to decide how much am I and my life worth…and fight for that. It is hard to believe when you are going through it, but things seem to show up if you just keep fighting for your life. And once you truly understand your worth, you are not susceptible to those kinds of men, or the voices of her horribly misguided parent’s in her head. 

One of my sisters is a school psychologist in a very bleak, tough inner city area. She started out with a career and education in fashion, and returns to a beautiful home and husband in a safe neighborhood each night two hours away. She sees what most will never even imagine exists in a school system that has no funds. She does everything she can to help, because she feels she is standing between unfortunate kids born into hellish situations that are now looking at the street, prison or death if they don’t fight for themselves. She can’t afford to waste time on any one who will not fight for themselves and their life…..because there simply is too long a line standing behind them.

So, it isn’t a lack of empathy or understanding, it’s knowing that if you are in that situation and don’t DECIDE the worth of your life and act on that, and that alone, the reiterations of the horror story will really not get you anywhere. You need to rewrite the story and your role in it as a heroine and not a victim…even though you were. The characterization simply won’t help and will diminish your power. I dislike cliches but today we are all entrepreneurs, and a vast portion of the country are starting all over again.  And good luck to all who are…remember that when going through hell, it’s no time to stop and smell the roses.  Act as if your life depends on your acting, because it does. And remember that action truly is the magic wand.