Once again, Michele, a beautiful and oh so honest story that you have again shared.  You have the inate ability in writing to bring feelings, bring truths "home" to us … make us pause and reflect.  In the end, most of us will also be privy to your inner truths as we too experience the major grief of losing family or the "closest-of-close" friend that we considered our twin.

What I have learned over many years is that your words hold true.  We must grieve - no matter how long the process is - for grief is a part of life.  But in a way incomprehensible, as time passes we have begun come to grips with death — and then thoughts sidle into our minds, stir us into thinking that our own life is not over and we must move on.  We have to. 

Michele, while we will always be altered, our hearts filled with puncture wounds, our own experiences can be turned in a way that can help others.  . and so many of us take this adversity and turn it around.

Yes, a huge piece of our hearts are in fragments - and like Humpty Dumpty, "can’t be put together again".  But if we look within ourselves, we have also experienced growth.  In life, we have so many hurdles to cross, but if we take what we have learned in the process, we can give immeasurable help to others in need - with caring, with love. 

You have made us understand what it takes to get from "there" to "here" — and then, then, assure us that there still is life ahead of us all, new mountains to climb … and yes, in that sea of flowers at the base of the mountains, we too are able to give solace with our voices, our thoughts —- and most of all, our time.

Michele,  I have read about you and saw your photo a few times.  I want to thank you for giving me hope.   My husband was killed a little  over 2 years ago.   I have so many of the same feelings as you.  I wanted to die, I felt like I was going to die, and the pain in my heart was unexplainable.  

Something changed inside of me.  I feel stronger now because of my husband love he left with myself and our two little girls.  I feel God’s hands in our lives everyday.  The hurt in the heart will always be there.    I feel like I am on earth for a reason.  I know I am everything to my kids and feel proud to be here for them.   

 Your story and words have comforted me in a way that I feel almost normal.   I felt for a long time that I was the only one that felt like I do.  I want to reach out to people like me and help them. 

Thanks for encouraging me.

Jennifer Burmeister  

Thank you Michele…all the stages one goes through during grief rings true….my daughter lost her fiance six months before the wedding, and being so young to go through such a traumatic experience was so hard…they always say "God doesn’t give you more than you can handle"…I don’t know how much that is true, because my daughter was devastated and she still is trying to get her life back together….all we could do for her was to be there for her, but she is so right, we have no idea what it is like because we all go home to our loved ones each night and have not felt the loss that she has.  Thank you for sharing your story, I will forward it on to her.

Dear Michele,  I been reading your articles and I appreciate it much for sharing with us your very encouraging stories.   I too lost my husband in a motorcycle accident some eight years ago.  I was in a complete state of shock for almost three days upon learning of his death because of that incident.  I was left with three growing boys who are all about to go to college that time.  My kids and I were into a lot of struggles because of that loss.   Eight years has passed and life can now be a little easier.   Yes, we draw our strength from each other’s presence and we are each other’s source of inspiration.  Thank you Michele for your words of support.

It seems to me that a sudden, unexpected death inevitably creates a greater sense of loss than when death follows a protracted illness.  Survivors of unexpected loss must experience far more "loose ends" and coulda-woulda-shoulda regrets than those felt by those who survive the loss of a loved one from a long term illness.  This is certainly not to diminish either form of loss, just a recognition of the difference.  

Even after the loss of my wife to ALS, I still felt survivor’s guilt, which I wrote about in an article on Living in Light of Dying ( http://www.livinginlightofdying.com/content/survivors-guilt-healing ).  The difference wasn’t that I wanted to die, but rather that I felt it should have been me, not her, to leave early.  She was so much more deserving of a longer life than me.

What I tend to ignore is that I am always living in light of dying and take far too many of life’s experiences for granted.  I need to celebrate the joys and accept the sorrows of life for it is only through embracing both that I can experience the full richness of life.

Michele,

Thank you for working so hard to h elp people in need of love and support.  Your foundation is inspirational.

Danielle

Michele,

I hope you will continue to write for this site; your words are beautiful.