Cynthia McFadden | 06/30/2009 1:00 pm
No Place Like Home: The Story of One Family and Alzheimer's
Cynthia McFadden visits with Lawanda Wilson
in Midland, TX/Photo by Jim DuBreiul
in Midland, TX/Photo by Jim DuBreiul
Patience is not one of my virtues. And truth be told, a healthy sense of urgency is valued in the news business. But sometimes, even I understand, it pays to wait. In fact, some stories can only be told by nurturing them along over a period of time. Beginning tonight on ABC I have the privilege of telling one such story, the result of a four-year project following a family coping with Alzheimer’s.
Lawanda Wilson was 72 when she decided to drive her car from her home in Midland, TX, to Las Vegas to visit one of her sons. Miraculously she got there but she never saw him, becoming disoriented and sleeping in her car for days before finally finding her way home. While no one knows the precise moment Lawanda got Alzheimer’s Disease, by the time of the Las Vegas trip five years ago it was clear to her family she was no longer able to take good care of herself.
A year later, my colleagues at ABC News first met Lawanda’s son Blane, and his new wife, Georgia, who were caring for Lawanda at home. The family invited us to put cameras in their house in hopes of capturing the real-life challenges and rewards of caring for an aging parent with this dreaded disease.
The journey we have taken with the Wilson family over these past few years has been an emotional and revealing one … and will be broadcast tonight on "Family Secrets" at 10 PM EST on ABC.
The Wilson family is not alone: more than five million Americans are believed to have Alzheimer’s and 50 million families are struggling to care for an aging relative at home. The Wilson family allows us an intimate look at the day-to-day realities of caring for an aging parent with Alzheimer’s. It takes real courage to open your life up to others and all of us at ABC are grateful to the Wilson family for letting us record the intimate details of their lives so that others may benefit.
A final note: as part of trying to better understand what it is like for those suffering with Alzheimer’s disease to cope on a daily basis, I agreed to undergo an "experiment" in which experts put me in a virtual dementia experiment. It was twelve minutes that changed my life. The experiment will be broadcast tonight on "Nightline" at 11:35 EST. I thought I knew a lot about Alzheimer’s; I found out I have a lot to learn.
I hope you’ll watch and share your thoughts.
Lawanda Wilson was 72 when she decided to drive her car from her home in Midland, TX, to Las Vegas to visit one of her sons. Miraculously she got there but she never saw him, becoming disoriented and sleeping in her car for days before finally finding her way home. While no one knows the precise moment Lawanda got Alzheimer’s Disease, by the time of the Las Vegas trip five years ago it was clear to her family she was no longer able to take good care of herself.
A year later, my colleagues at ABC News first met Lawanda’s son Blane, and his new wife, Georgia, who were caring for Lawanda at home. The family invited us to put cameras in their house in hopes of capturing the real-life challenges and rewards of caring for an aging parent with this dreaded disease.
The journey we have taken with the Wilson family over these past few years has been an emotional and revealing one … and will be broadcast tonight on "Family Secrets" at 10 PM EST on ABC.
The Wilson family is not alone: more than five million Americans are believed to have Alzheimer’s and 50 million families are struggling to care for an aging relative at home. The Wilson family allows us an intimate look at the day-to-day realities of caring for an aging parent with Alzheimer’s. It takes real courage to open your life up to others and all of us at ABC are grateful to the Wilson family for letting us record the intimate details of their lives so that others may benefit.
A final note: as part of trying to better understand what it is like for those suffering with Alzheimer’s disease to cope on a daily basis, I agreed to undergo an "experiment" in which experts put me in a virtual dementia experiment. It was twelve minutes that changed my life. The experiment will be broadcast tonight on "Nightline" at 11:35 EST. I thought I knew a lot about Alzheimer’s; I found out I have a lot to learn.
I hope you’ll watch and share your thoughts.
Read more about: ABC, Aging, Alzheimer's Disease, Family, Health, Lawanda Wilson, Nightline, parents, Relationships
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This is what I learned—-after the fact—-about caring for a parent with Alzheimers…..I left my career, moved home to care for my father and bury my mother….both were mentally challenged with Alzheimers, but I was able to place my mother in a hospice—-she had pancreatic cancer….
My father on the other hand, wanted me to stay, rather than he move to where I had been living. Now, IF I had gotten a J-O-B, and HIRED someone to be with my dad while I was gone when I first arrived, I would have been able to secure employment AFTER he passed…but because taking care of a parent is a full time job—"unpaid"—-employers look at that as a negative—they don;t know what you have been doing for 5 years! Therefore you cannot be trusted as a new employee—won;t hire you with such as gap…..it sucks, I know….
How many people are willing to be permanently unemployed after taking care of the parent full time? BTW—-when my mother was diagnosed with her cancer—-her insurance company cancelled her…..so my dad took care of her at home….and paid all the bills out of his savings…..when I cam along to care for my dad——by the time he passed—there was no money left in his savings……how’s that for a common story?
I totally agree with you, Maggie. ‘Ever evolving horror’ describes the scenario of a parent with Alzheimers perfectly. At this point in time, things are relatively calm for me and my parents. Dad goes to an Alzheimers day program two days a week and now we have a home health aide in for three days as well. The meds for both of my parents are properly managed now by an RN (my mother would not allow any of us to touch the meds and our suspicions that she was dispensing them incorectly was confirmed by the nurse). My father seems so much better between the increased outside social contact and the proper dispensing of his meds.
I am undecided as to whether or not I will watch this - like you, I know I should but really don’t want to. Sometimes it just adds to the stress that you already feel.
My heart goes out to you, Green. We, too, had home health care in and out all day. They were wonderful, but the stress is truly unimagineable unless you have been there. It started when my cousin came home one day, and there sits Gramma watching a soap opera. There was an assortment of fruit on top of the TV set. Why? Because the people in the TV might get hungry. It went downhill from there. We never think about how we will age, and it is so heartbreaking to see those you love so dearly slip into a world from which they will never return. And you cannot help but wonder about yourself.
I’m glad your father is having better days. God bless you and your parents.
On the practical side, consider getting Long Term Care Insurance for yourself, to protect your children from some of this heartbreak.
Long term care insurance is probably the single most important insurance a middle-aged person can buy for his/herself. Age 50 is the "sweet spot" in terms of premiums, and it reserves a large pool of money so that a care giver can be hired when needed/or to pay the nursing home, etc. as you age. It preserves the family finances, and also spares the adult children some of the heart-breaking daily tasks. Wouldn’t you rather use your visit to look at a photograph album with your parent, than help with hygiene?
It also can help provide a nicer quality of nursing home, versus "human warehousing."
As for LTC companies: Look for companies that have a "partnership" with your state. Those companies have been thoroughly inspected by the state in question.
Constance in the Sierra Foothills
very grateful that my 88 year old mother with dementia has LTC
But if there is no money, longterm care is out of the question.
Sadly, Long Term Care insurance is not expensive while you are earning and healthy. When you are older and ill, it is very expensive, but bought in a timely fashion, BEFORE you need it, it is a true blessing to your family.
It’s the same thing with life insurance. Buy permanent insurance when you are young and healthy, and it’s cheap, cheap, cheap! But, who ever believes they are going to die, or get sick?
I sell insurance for a living. I am not trying to sell here AT ALL, but insurance is cheap while you are healthy. Consider the risks and make some decisions in a timely fashion.
Look at good companies. Look at the odds. Make wise decisions.
Cheers,
Constance
who prefers the $1100 a year premium to the $70,000 a year good nursing home cost.
When the insurance was being touted as the answer for aging parents we were already over 55 years old, and I hadn’t had a job/career for over 5 years so that certainly leaves us out.
If we tried to pay $1100 a month for any bill we would loose everything. Thanks, Constance.
My post said $1100 a year, not a month.
Constance
Constance,
Even that amount with me out of work, and my hubby dealing with the major repercussions from an accident last December we can’t, and if I’m honest we really couldn’t back in our early 50s. Thanks for the clarification, but we just cannot afford it. The Internet we have because of my search for freelance work since at 58 there isn’t many regular jobs open to me.
I agree with you Constance, life insurance is so often overlooked when actually, it should be a must for those with a family or those who wish to provide for a spouse. Start young and you’re right, it is affordable.
As far as Long-Term Care is concerned, we purchased it in our late 40’s and we even got a "good health" discount, but I have to differ with your first statement - I still consider it expensive! For the two of us, we pay a bit over 3K each year. Granted, we have a good policy, but none were cheap. Yet, regardless of price, it’s the most important premium I pay and we wouldn’t dream of being without it.
Like you said, look at the odds and make wise decisions!