I’ve always believed and was taught by my mother…….behave in a manner that the outcome will be best for you.

Sometimes that may mean you have to sacrifice a little to protect the ego of the man you love. Also it pays to fall in love with a man that is intelligent enough and has enough self esteem to admire and respect your intelligence and capabilities.

I think the problem starts with the BEGINNING…….

Young women too often are attracted to the macho kind of man who always has to be the winner…….no matter what. When they get him then they start complaining that he is never tender or thoughtful.

We must always remember when you know how someone is………don’t be surprised when they act that way.

My husband and I had a policy in our marriage……….We tried at all times (if possible) to let the other have their way.

I had parents who adored each other………were married for 72 years

They tried to always fill their partners needs…….sometimes that meant making small sacrifices but in the long run both parties end up being happy.

My Mother was a very good role model.

I tried to fashion my marriage after theirs.  I was married to my husband for 35 years. Happily married.

There is a difference between men and women………respect the difference’s

I agree with Dona that there are real differences between men and women and we should respect the differences. Fantasy movies showing stick-thin actresses beating up burly men and winning fistfights are just that - fantasy, and they don’t do anyone any favors. And sexual equality is a fantasy too - young women today are pressured to "hook up" with casual meaningless sex, but on a deep level, it ISN’T meaningless to them. And so long as women are the ones who get pregnant, there can be no true equality in the sexual sphere.

BUT women have come a long way in their careers, education, sports, and politics.  When our physical differences have no bearing on the ability to perform and compete, men need to check their egos and get over it.

BTW, women have egos too.  Maybe women are tired of subordinating their egos just to make men feel good about themselves.

Women have suffered for centuries under the old mythologies, and so honestly have boys and men.  Although few men will admit it, (we’re not wusses, we can take it).

When my daughter was 3 I took her to a Renaissance Fair in her princess dress.  I bought her a flower chaplet and a wooden sword and that was when I began to teach her: don’t wait for a prince to come kill you a dragon.   Life is your battle, learn to slay your own dragons, a worthy man will love you for it. 

oh yes love goddess… this is just one of the many ways in which women have been catering to men’s egos for centuries. This leads me to a portion of my own love story. Let me preface it by telling you that my mother was single the majority of my upbringing. she told me a few times over the years (she was 40 when i was born) that she’d figured out she hadn’t ever been cut out for marriage. she wasn’t exactly cut out for kids either. and she knew it. so i had a bit of an advantage growing up. I had a mom who didn’t have an expectation that i kept my mouth shut for one. or that i dumbed myself down. but still… I was single into my mid thirties. and it made my mom sad. she didn’t want me to be alone. and i remember her looking at me at one point during a conversation about relationships and saying to me "It’s going to be a really unique man who can live with you". I knew what she meant. And that’s why this is a love story.

I’m very physically fit. and i love to hike. and I love to hike fast and hard up hills. My husband… not so much. he is fit. but not as fit as i am. and he is super super competitive. he races motorcycles and wins. and he tends to win at anything he does even if he’s never done it. but he can’t keep up with me on a hiking trail. and i’m not trying to win. i’m just hiking. so one day we hiked. and he couldn’t keep up. and we were in agroup. and his ego got hurt. so later in the day it became an issue. he picked a fight about something else but it boiled down to his ego was hurt. and he got kind of shitty about it.

and i told him in no uncertain terms (read… lots of cussing) that I wasn’t going to have any empathy for him and i wasn’t going to scale myself back in any way and if he didn’t like it then he damn well needed to stay home from hikes!

He stays home lol. And brags about how fit I am to people. and it was only an issue for the 20 minutes it took before i told him to buck the hell up. therefore… it’s a love story.

My mother used to scold me with, "Do you have to let the men know how smart you are?  Men don’t like women who are too smart!"

My response was always, "Why would I be interested in someone who wasn’t at least as smart if not smarter than I am?"

I always tell my son to ‘get out there and kick her ass’ when a girl is playing on an all male team. He’s never held back and the girls respect him for it. They know he’s a true competitor and he expects them to bring it just like he’s doing.  BTW, I tell him to kick the ass of all his opponnents and I expect to see him shaking their hand at the end of the match or pulling them off the ground if need be.

I used to get the "act like a lady" lecture from my mother. Translation: don’t let him know you’re smarter than he is. That was probably the only bad advice she ever gave me.

I believe in WYSIWYG.

Awww…poor little ego ran up against somebody better than him.  What kind of misogynist thinks it is okay to be bettered by one sex in competition but a greater defeat if given by the opposite sex?  Puhleeese!  Grow a pair and be gracious in defeat.  That’s what being a good sport is all about.

I am the mechanical/handy one in my family.  My wonderful husband found a pink tool belt for me for mother’s day one year.  (I LOVED it!)  He fixes the computers, I do the handy work around the house.  He brags that ‘his wife can fix anything!’.  It makes me proud.

My mom gave me that advise once… "don’t know too much."

But dad always bore it into my head that it’s a mans world and I have to be as strong and independant as them.  The worst situation for me would be to find myself financially dependant on a man in a marriage.  He also started grooming me at 16 for the corporate world.  My father also gave me the following dating advice -

1. always pay… the whole date.. no matter what, that way a man can’t make demands on you.

(my favorit) 2. Order the most expensive thing on the menu, then don’t eat it.  If he really likes you, he won’t notice….   He was serious too!!

Dad taught me everything - he was an engineer…the best.  I now can take care of cars, wire entertainment centers, do minor repairs on a house, fix a computer - you name it, i can do it.

I got married and my husband couldn’t do any of these things.  I did them in our marriage and my father warned me not too.   "save his ego"

As eccentric as my father’s dating/relationship advice was, I will say that his teachings did help me to get out of a bad marriage, get through a nasty divorce while still climbing the corporate ladder without the need for time off or personal time to deal with the emotional trauma. 

My father now tells me -

"let the man pay, stop paying"

"let him help you, he’s a man." 

Talk about conflicting information.  Sorry dad,  after 25 years of programing, you can’t undo it in a couple of years.  Why do parents do that to us?

My girlfriend Estella who is now in her 90’s  graduated from college at the age of 76. She is a veteran and the mother of four children. Estella has always been an inquistive person and loves learning. She is a storehouse of incredible information!

Her husband tried to discourage her from attending college. She was determined to complete college and she did! … Her degree is hanging on her wall beautifully framed.

She continues to be an inspiration. It was Estella who repeatedly encouraged me to return to college. I retired in 2008 at the age of 57 and I am happy to report graduated from college  May 21, 2009 at the age of 58! I am researching colleges/universities with the hopes of obtaining a masters and Doctorate.

It’s really different for me to read articles like this about how many parents raised their daughters.  Mine should have been just like the stereotype.  Both of my parents were children of the Depression.  Both were immigrants from Europe.  They have been married to each other for 60 years so far and lived the traditional roles; Mom stayed home and Dad worked.  BUT both of my parents taught me how to be strong, independent, smart, outspoken and how to use all of my strengths, skills and assets to my best advantage.  Heck, when I told my dad I wanted to be an astronaut as a young child in the 1960s, he helped me lay out exactly what I needed to do to get there.  Never did I hear I couldn’t do it because I was a girl.  As I got older he encouraged me to keep my grades up and apply to programs and schools that would help me achieve my goals.

All I can say is, "Thanks Mom & Dad for being so enlightened all through the years!"