Sign in to wowOwow

Enter the email address that you used when registering at wowOwow.
The password field is case sensitive. Click here if you have forgotten your password.

Please register for wowOwow

Newsletter subscriptions
Sign up to receive wowOwow's weekly newsletter and get our best picks delivered right to your inbox. Our newsletter content is hand-picked by the wowOwow editorial team and provides the top features, news, and commentary from our site. Subscribing to our newsletter is free and safe. We will never share your email or other information with a third-party without your direct consent.
By registering, you indicate that you have read and agree
with our privacy policy and terms of service.

A Friend Stopped By | 05/11/2009 11:00 pm

Priest Randall Balmer Reflects on Less-Than-Angelic Past

An Episcopal priest remembers his actions as a young boy.
By Randall Balmer
Randall Balmer

Editor’s Note: Randall Balmer is a prize-winning historian and Emmy Award nominee, as well as a professor of American religious history at Barnard College, Columbia University and a visiting professor at Yale Divinity School. His commentaries have appeared in newspapers across the country, including the Des Moines Register, The New York Times and the Philadelphia Inquirer, among others. He is an editor for Christianity Today and author of a dozen books, including Thy Kingdom Come and Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory, which was made into a three-part documentary for PBS. Mr. Balmer, an Episcopal priest, lives in rural Connecticut with his wife, Catharine Randall, a professor of French at Fordham University.

I remember the eyes as though it were yesterday. They were pretty. Blue. Expectant, yet afraid. "That’s Diane," one of my new fourth-grade classmates said, pointing in her direction. "Don’t let her touch you. She’s the Cootie Girl."

There was, I could tell, something different about Diane. My family was hardly affluent, nor were the kids at Wenona School. But the dress Diane wore was tattered. Someone whispered that she and her mother lived alone. At lunchtime, she ate by herself. Although she had a pleasant smile, she looked slightly disheveled. Waiflike.

Like a pack of wolves taunting a moose, children can devise ingenious ways to belittle anyone they choose to ostracize. I recall one day standing in a line across the hallway from a janitor’s closet. One of my classmates had apparently been musing on the word "custodian" painted on the door. "Hey, look," he shouted. "CUS-TO-DIAN."

Everyone chortled at the brilliance of the put-down, of course, but I caught the wounded look in Diane’s eyes. Yet another insult, yet another scar to carry home that night. "Where do you stand?" the eyes asked. Would the new kid become just another tormenter, or maybe — hoping against hope — a friend?

I wish I could tell you that I did the right thing back there in the hallway. We all like to be the heroes of our own stories. But I’m afraid that I’m not very good at this hero business. It takes guts to stand up to peers, to resist the pressures of conformity, and I have come to admire those with the courage to take up the cause of those less fortunate, those on the margins. Sojourner Truth. Angelina Grimke. Jane Addams.

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope," said Robert Kennedy. "Crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest wall of oppression and resistance."

I don’t pretend that history would have been different if I had been kind to Diane, the Cootie Girl, back in Michigan more than four decades ago. But I would have been different. And perhaps she as well, if only for a moment. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was beaten and slumped over a barbed-wire fence on a cold Wyoming night; you wrapped me in a blanket and tried to revive me. I was sad and lonely, and I was wearing a ratty dress because my mother couldn’t afford anything better. But you stood up to the crowd and became my friend.

Would that it were so.

4 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Green Tears
I have no doubt that many of us would remember times during our childhoods when we would like to change how we acted (or didn’t act). We can attempt to make amends for these actions or omissions by doing better as adults and also encouraging our children to reach out to those who are excluded for whatever reason. Sometimes just a brief talk about the need to include another person because they might be shy or feel like they don’t measure up can be the catalyst for a child to reach out to others.
By Green Tears on 05/12/2009 7:37 am
phyllis Doyle Pepe
Mr. Balmer’s last paragraph is somewhat puzzling. He’s lamenting his lack of rescuing Diane, but his reference to being beaten and slumped over a barbed-wire fence in Wyoming harks back to the homosexual killing some years ago. The pronoun "I" means what? That he, himself has been, like Diane, prejudiced against? Kindness begins where? Empathy is learned?  Are some cruel to others because someone has been cruel to them?  
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 05/12/2009 8:04 am
HA BIBI
Well the old saying goes "If you don’t stand for something, You’ll invarible fall for anything" Forgiveness is a beautiful gift from God. If we have repented, had a (Change of Heart) knowing that those things we have done were wrong, and ask God’s forgiveness, we can be set free. I believe Mr. Balmer is aware of this gift and as God would say…..Go in peace and sin no more.
By HA BIBI on 05/12/2009 8:38 am
Deena B.

I think the last paragraph is just taking the Bible’s words I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me and giving them some specific contemporary applications.  What if he had been kind to Diane?  What if someone had stepped in and helped Matthew Shepherd? 

By Deena B. on 05/12/2009 7:43 pm