Dear Ms. Judy, You are so correct in your approach. If you have a friend, that is a doctor and you have visits that are social and professional, keep the discourse in proper perspective, as you have indicated. I, too, "loved," that comment, "organ recital." Yes, I wouldn’t discuss with a Doctor, who is also a friend, about O.P.I.’s newest color offerings yet, I would talk with my friend, who is also a doctor about, "Really Not A Waitress," versus, "25 Colorful Years," Yet would wouldn’t take up, "company time," to do so. That would be at the Bridge Table or at lunch, if she had anytime for either. Sometimes the best, "discussions," with a friend is when no words are spoken. I think we, "said," the same thing.

"Missy," Susan Pauline

Judy K. You are right on target !

Judy, this is a great suggestion. As I get older, health care has become even more important to me, and from now on whenever I see any of my doctors I’ll plan ahead and write out questions and concerns. Their time is precious, and so is mine, and getting straight to the point is what needs to be done.

With friends, physical ailments and illness often do play a part in our discussions, but it’s to try and support one another and offer empathy. But I think my friends and I try for the most part to talk about things that make us laugh together, enjoy one another’s successes, cry when sharing sadness, and keep our minds filled with new ideas and some hope. With doctors, I wouldn’t necessarily rule out any of the above - but there’s rarely time to cover more than the basics. Hence my resolve to bring a list to my next appointment.

S A

Amen!

How interesting! This morning I wakened to the realization that I, too,   do not trust any friend with all the news that concerns me; I cannot imagine doing it, because everything is based on self-interest, and friends, or those we consider acquaintances or close friends, or those who pass through our lives intermittently, have their own concerns and attachments. I have always thought, sometimes with envy, that others have such close relationships with friends that they can share most concerns and expect to be understood deeply and regularly, but that may be a myth I live by to preserve whatever trust I have in the world beyond me.   My motto since childhood (and having no siblings has had a profound impact on my personality and character) is that "everyone goes home." It is a hard lesson to absorb, but, for me it has proved true. However, I sense a contempt in  others who look at older people as needy and self-engrossed, because  they talk about their physical ailments with their peers. When we age, we enter a foreign world and we realize that we are superfluous to our family and we are irrelevant, or no longer as necessary as we were as caretakers. So, in a sense we embrace others who, too, are troubled by failing organs and limbs, and sometimes minds, and we use a code, telling each other about medical tests, medications, hopes and failures about our bodies which seem to betray us, but we are actually revealing that much about us is irrelevant to those closest to us. Perhaps, there are those who find such disclosures indelicate, but they are a form of intimacy in that vast desert of being overlooked or excluded from the busyness of other peoples’ lives, especially those younger than we are. As for doctors, I depend on them to take care of my health issues; I do not confide in any about personal issues; I cannot imagine ever asking a medical person anything about a personal problem I’ve  had. I may chat, but never spend time talking about those problems and fears I think about when alone. Also, I’m conscious of the limited time a doctor has and that the focus is on my biological needs, not emotional or psychological needs. We have personas for the necessary and irrelvant contacts in our lives, and mine with my doctors is based on their specialized training. It is impossible for me to ever discuss something profoundly personal with a physician. As for the intimacy and intensity of friendships, much of that has diminished, because we have devised different lives, and for those of us who are not married or connected to a partner we live with, we know that we are fully responsible for ourselves. Our friends, children, or doctors are more concerned with others in their lives and in their work.With all that said, I do have to mention that I have never been part of a group of friends who live near by who regularly share much time and many concerns with each other, and whatever I did experience earlier, has greatly diminished since I am no longer married, for married friends of my generation exclude single women in most important situations, which forces us to become even more resilient and independent.  There is a role I play in a social group, and whether I’m occasionally welcomed, tolerated, admired, cherished, or even liked is always a question, but I would never take for granted that my concerns would be relevant to my friends.     

Well, S A, you have turned this silly question into something interesting––trusting anyone except yourself. Now that’s a subject one could get their teeth into. Would be mighty interested as to how/why you have come to this conclusion––if you care to elaborate.