Question of the Day | 08/06/2009 11:00 pm
Are there things you would never tell your best friend, but would tell your doctor? And vice versa?
Join Liz Smith, Sheila Nevins, Joan Ganz Cooney, Marlo Thomas and Judith Martin as they dish on doctors and friends.
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No, this was a follow-up for a colonoscopy….again, every other time the report was given by phone, this was obviously a way to get another billed visit since there was nothing to report but what he had already told me and my husband immediately following the procedure. Yep, what a jerk — won’t be going back there again.
What a great question…..
Yes. There are definitely things I would never dream of telling my best friend but would tell my doctor. The incident with the guy in PA who killed himself after shooting up a gym this week, made me think about the people in my life that have confided deep issues to me. All because in my gentle way I asked "so how are you…no, really…how are you?"
Each time it resulted in me learning more than I may have expected, needed and wanted to know. And recently I confided in a family member something about myself I think I shouldn’t have because I am 100% positive she is now worried about me. Detachment is the key. It’s why people go to therapists instead of telling their loved ones. You need to have someone who can be objective and detached without the emotional component.
Goodness, when I think of all the things people have confided in me in my lifetime…..well, let’s just say it is why I am a firm believer we all, every single one of us, have something in our lives we keep hidden that instead should be dealt with.
I have a very good friend who is my GP Doc. We have been friends since he was a medical student and yes, I would tell him anything. I would not however go to him for a pap test, the very thought creeps me out.
Some things are better left unsaid. Boy is that true in cases of personal things. Being somewhat of a private person, I tend to be selective in discussing my health, my career and even my marriage. Sure, there are things I discuss with my doctor and not my BFF. There are things I discuss with my BFF and not my sister which is a great dynamic.
But when it comes to my health, it is better to proactive and in charge. So, what I keep from my friend about my health I do not from my doctor.
My best friend is also a medical writer—so we discuss things I would not discuss with other friends—compare notes—esp about doctors, their creds, and should we take their advice. Most doctors won’t take more than 5 mins to discuss your takes on your issues and interrupt what you are saying in 17 seconds, studies show. A list of concerns? Oh, please. I once had a doc say make another appt to discuss your other questions. I never went back. I asked my friend, we went on the net, and whatever it was—I no longer have it.
Star, that is so true. I have experienced that very thing twice in the past week; once with the dermatologist, again with the opthamologist. The dermatologist actually told me to schedule another app’t. to discuss my other concerns. Excuse me, what am I getting for my $95 today? So my immediate answer would be I wish I could discuss medical matters with my doctors, but lately I’ve gotten better information from friends!
I have been disabled for almost 10 years and have seen dozens of Doctors—-
They TALK to you???????
I must be missing something!
I am a nurse and they don’t even talk to me—I have to play phone tag and track them down and stay on top of them to do their job.
They overload their visits-what the average visit is 15 minutes they say?
Most times I am sure they do not even have a clue who I am or why I am there- I HAVE TO KEEP TRACK!
Yes they ask questions like
are you depressed?
do you have a husband?
you know you are overweight?
All those STUPID questions they all ask women after all
it is ALL IN OUR HEADS RIGHT? LOL
Anything really deep or private I tell NO Md-
once he charts it-
it is an open book to everyone who works in the hospital-
take my word for it.
As far as friends????
I always had so many in my life all ages shapes and colors——
Get sick for a few years and POOF they majically disappear?
Even childhood friends.
Hard lesson to learn.
We realy are alone.
I have this problem—the poof, gone—thing more with people I start writing to on the net—or they befriend me. It’s just hard to judge—people don’t tell you everything, just what they WANT you to know…we all do this to some degree. But when the relationship is in writing only—it seems more deceptive. I get all involved with someone’s life and usually they are writers, too—then I find out they don’t pay taxes or their husband has left them twice before…Just when I am all involved in commiserating or worrying about them…I am not expressing this well, but I have learned to hold back more myself.
yes I too find that people on the internet come and go-not all but most—- in my previous letter I was speaking about friends I had had since I was 4 years old-went all thru school with-college-marriages-children-everything-
Being a Nurse I took my vacation time to care for their sick parents—make house calls in the middle of the night….drop off food if they were having a tough time—-mail $$ in cards unsigned if I knew they needed it—I was always a GOOD friend—I gave TOO much I see now because when my luck ran out—when I lost all-health wise and $$$ everyone slowly disappeared…I will never get over it as long as I live.
I am a little bitter because I was a single parent working full time doing all for everyone and it was never returned. I took time away from my own family for theirs.
They were like my sisters….still hurts….nothing could ever change it now.
I feel horrible fo ryou reading that. I have been through some of that, even with people I knew. One guy, we had been BF-GF, then friends, then we worked together—the last time I was in DC, he dodged out of coming to lunch on my final day. Still, he would call me at home anytime he wanted, despite knowing I don’t like talking on the phone in the evening (he doesn’t work days). He would start every conversation with—"I am in a good mood, so don’t tell me anything about your life." I don’t know—it was just so selfish, it finally teed me off and I said don’t call, this friendship has run its course. His wife said, oh, he’s like that—I said, well, I know that and he has lost other friends, and he is not like that with me anymore. I believe friendships can peter—it hurts, though. Like fire.
Speaking of stupid questions—I was in the ER and when the doctor FINALLY materialized, with him came a nurse or some woman who was going to tap on the computer (our fabbie electronic record, no doubt). He was asking me about my symptoms—and she chimed in, "Do you still live at Blah-blah?" What? "Do you still live at Blah-blah?" Uh—yes. He said, "How long have you had this trouble?" Then she said: "Do you still work?" It was nuts! I was furious. Even my sister, who tends to put up with lame medical stuff better than I do, later said, "Do you still work? Does she ever SHUT UP?"
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