If a person keeps watching for the "regret door" to close, the person is going to miss out a lot in life.

Regrets?? where do I begin???  pretty much my entire life and all of the major choices I have made have been wrong and continue to haunt me.  college, major, husband, where to live, career, family relationships, my weight, money issues…  the only good I have is my children, but then, I had to work when they were growing up, so even my role as a parent is filled with regret, that I could not stay at home with them and be the mother that I wanted to be. 

 

And the sad thing is, is that 30-40 years from now, when it will be too late to change anything, I will regret spending what is supposed to be the best years of my life, in a haze of unhappiness and saddness.  I will have wasted my life and adversley affected those around me.  To be aware of that now, but to feel powerless to change anything is a horrible position I have placed myself in..  But I am stuck with no options to make any changes now.  Yes, I could just walk away and destroy my family - and in the short term bring some relief to my miserable existance, but in the long term, would bring about such irrepairable damage and destruction to those around me, that I don’t dare.

 

If you knew me, you would never guess that I feel this way inside.  I go about my day with a smile; I do volunteer work; I have been a Girl Scout leader for over 13 years; I have been in the same job for 15 years; I have been married for 23 years; I have lived in the same home for 18 years… on the outside, it looks like I have a great life.  On the inside I am numb with sadness, fear and yes, regret.

 

I am so sorry to place such a horrible post on this great website.  But, I have no one to talk to about such things.  My husband knows I am profoundly unhappy, but he has no idea the level of sadness I am dealing with.  Plus, we don’t talk about such things in my family… just have to put on a happy face and pretend all is well.  I just dont understand why I have such a hard time dealing with things.  This all started when my oldest daughter was born.  I had [in hindsite] horrible post-partum depression.  But, even I know that post-partum does not last for 20 years.  I have friends and family members that have gone through horrible ordeals [divorce, cancer, kid rebellion] and they seem to be able to find joy in their lives… why not me too???  Am I just a self-centered person having an extended pitty party that has lasted 20 years??? or is it more than that and I just cant figure it out??? am I having a slow moving mid-life crisis??  I just don’t have a clear perspective of where I am at right now and what I should do about it. 

 I want to be happy, but have forgotten how.

Things I may regret ? Heavens ! So many, but I can’t talk about them because if I did, I wouldn’t have a friend in the world. Boy, do I have things to regret. However, this isn’t the place to bare-all. I’m sure there are many reading this who have more to regret than I have…and if they don’t, they’ll invent some, just to better me. (Life’s like that).

Look. It’s a lovely day. Let’s move on to something more stimulating. As Benchley used to say, “Let’s get out of these wet clothes - and into some dry martinis”.

I regret the wrongs I did to others when I was younger and dumber, and I regret the wrongs I put up with from others around that same time of my life. Since I turned 30, there isn’t much to regret and a lot to be grateful for. 

I know my life would have been different if I hadn’t made the mistakes I made in my 20s, but then all of those mistakes probably are what made it possible for me to meet my husband, now of over 20 years. Twenty happy years have taken the edge off of my poor, miserable teens and 20s. Now all that is story material. My youth has even started to sound glamorous. Imagine that!

The only regrets are things I DIDN"T do  ( lack of confidence)

Never regret what you’ve done - It was right at the time for whatever reason.

Sam, what a great choice for your theme song! 

It seems most of my regrets come from the choices and decisions I made when I was coming from a positon of desperation. 

 

This is for M.A.G.… I read your post and was struck not so much by the sadness but by the sense of powerlessness.  So.

I just finished watching … for the umptenth time … the movie, As Good As It Gets … with the director’s commentary running … and of course Jack Nicholson, funny and smart and artistic insight … anyhow … the director allowed how, toward the end of filming, the scenes when Jack Nicholson is going out, middle of the night, to speak with Helen Hunt, to lay his heart at her feet … well … the director said that at that point he realized that a major theme in the movie was a look at the courage that one applies toward making small changes in one’s life and how those small changes can slowly but most surely alter a person’s life. 

You are stuck.  That’s all.  You have lost touch with you.  I won’t get into psychobabble here because, sometimes, what’s the point???  What I will say, reflecting on my own life and yes As Good As It Gets, is that small changes can begin the process of becoming un-stuck.  Nothing major.  Just exercising a little courage to execute a little change.  In your case, the courage is that you are doing something for you, something which, I suspect, has not happened for awhile … foreign behavior, for yourself and perhaps others.  But, and so.  Take yourself out for a cup of coffee (or tea … ), a nice little place … and if no nice little place, well, a takeout, then head for a park, a park bench, and sit, quiet, with your coffee/tea.  And clear your head.  And watch the things around you, the people, listen, become an observer … step outside of that place of the doer, the homemaker, the mom, the Girl Guide leader, that ‘whoever’ you are to ‘whomever’.  Become centered.  And reconnect with you. 

It doesn’t take alot to begin the un-stuck process.  A little courage.  A small change. 

Sometime back, when I spent alot of time bursting into tears … that time … someone quietly said to me … ‘happiness … what a concept.’ 

A park bench.  A takeout coffee.  Watching.  Listening. 

And, yes, this site was centered on the question of ‘regrets’.  I’m pushing sixty, I’ve made my mistakes, I’ve done my best, all that I can do, my best.  No regrets.  And the same goes for you.  And now it’s time to reconnect.  To begin being gentle.  To yourself.

No regrets here…know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. CA

Here;s what I regret - not taking better care of myself, i.e. ‘too soon old, too late wise’. Boy, truer words were never spoken. I took excellent care of my skin but I sure lapsed with the exercising and did way too much dieting. Now I do yoga daily and the treadmill but if only I had started this 40 years ago!  I used to regret marrying my first husband but upon reflection I do longer do because A) I would have missed out on having the best in-laws EVER and B) I would never have appreciated my second husband if I hadn’t had the first!

Regrets—no.  Bitterness—no. Grudges—none.  All in all, a waste of anybody’s time to harbor these things.  Oh, yeah, add hurt feelings to that list, go smell the roses, and get on with living.  It’s a joy if you make it so.  It’s entirely up to each of us. 

I do have regrets but only where it involves my response to a situation or failure to rise to a given occasion.  Like everyone, I’ve had some bad experiences, but I feel like those experiences have helped me to become a better person in the long run, so don’t regret having gone through them.