Advanced lovemaking 101  - a true story

Coming into the city from the suburbs for an appointment at Northwestern Medical Center requires extra time in case of traffic jams.  However, often a free public medical lecture is being held in the building’s theater setting that is an easy way to pass half an hour. 

And so my husband and I found ourselves seated with a well-dressed group of 300 men and women learning about the more advanced stages of heartburn and what could be done when Tums no longer provided relief.  The gastroenterologist was charming, young (!), and answered questions readily.  And there were many.

I am now an expert in case you need help with your heartburn — but I have a feeling you might be more interested in enhancing your love life.  And so I will jump to that portion.  The specialist suggested that raising the head of our beds up to 6 inches would prevent the deadly acid from leaving the stomach.  Hands were raised.  How is that done?  And so he suggested putting the upper two legs of the bed on square pieces of wood. 

My husband - no novice in what hardware stores have to offer - raised his hand also, suggesting that cement blocks would be the right height and would capture the top legs of the bed so they would be much more secure.  (Little did we know that our lives would change with that moment of wisdom!) 

 Almost as an aside then, as people were worried they might slip off the foot of the bed (wrong), the doctor said that the slanted bed might do wonders for your love life.  Anyone snoozing so far was now awake . .  wide awake!!!!!!

The hour was over.  People were reluctant to leave.  Some gathered around the physician below.  But up at the top where we were seated, a line actually formed.  On the stairs no less.  My husband had become the cement block guru.  These were city people.  Condo people.  People that didn’t know what a cement block was.  What did it look like?  There is no Home Depot downtown so where could they go to pick up two?  Some wanted him to draw exactly how the cement block looked and how you would put the top legs of the bed in it?  Had we known — had we had a large supply of cement blocks available right there - well, we could have made a fortune!  We were in demand for at least a half hour after the lecture.  Even the doctor was long gone.  I considered going into love life counseling right then.

Do you think the rush to get the cement blocks was for their acid reflux? Frankly, I don’t think so.  Is there anyone out there that doesn’t want to improve their love lives even more??? 

Now, there are many people on Michigan Avenue downtown with smiles on their faces.  I don’t know why.  We will never know.  I do know that two cement blocks cost less than a weeks’ New York Times.  I will say no more. 

And - as an afterthought - those of us who remember as children the wonderful Louis Armstrong singing I Found My Thrill On Blueberry Hill, I have a question:  Could it have been the slant?? 

Ha, Joan, wonderful story with certainly an interesting slant but I wish you would be more specific, i.e., in what way would the block beds enhance? The rising would help the acid, but how would it help the copulating couple?  If you don’t reply I’ll have to get out my Kama Sutra to see if they have any mention of sex enhancing with high rise block beds. Maybe I’ll find it in chapter one which discusses Diverse kinds of sexual union following the classic dimensions…So please, posthaste, fill us in––maybe there will be a run at Home Depot which will be a boon to their declining sales.

P.S. Re: the question on this thread: Nien 

Depends on what you call details. I don’t go "and then he put his __ here and I did ___ there" to anyone. But my best friend and I’ve had some pretty detailed discussions over wine. Details as to the basic types of things I like have done or want to do.

I share the details with my best friend, which happens to be my lover as well.  So it works out well for both of us.