Dear CBW, My mother has been a widow for the same amount of time as you, she is in her late 60’s. What says any one has to be in a relationship to be validated for their beauty? My mom has gone through the same as you with grief and independence of ones self. Putting your self out there on line is a scary thing, you never know what your going to get. To find a man that only would want a relationship without intimacy is a question one can not answer. And to be fear of losing your self and your independence is where you would have to make sure if you decide to get involved with someone that you will still keep your freedom that you’ve made for yourself. No one in life should have to lose anything about them for another. In any relationship every thing should be put out on the table first thing on what you expect and what they expect if it’s not an equal agreement then there is no more to discuss. My mother spends her time with her girlfriends, travels. She say’s she is not interested in being in a relationship with another. Not of the fear of it, but with every relationship comes complications and demands, and some of those demands are easier to just say no to. If your happy with whom you are in your own skin and happy with what you’ve made of your life since your life change then just live your life the way you want it to be. Not for what others want you to do or think you should do. Yes having a relationship to fill what is missing is one answer but it’s up to you to decide if it’s the right choice for you.. I wish you the best and I hope that this has help with your problem. We are all beautiful with or with out some one.

hi Debbie-good for you about not going to bars—even when i was young -they always depressed me. you are a young widow-i’m sorry. it’s never easy-but you have so much more of your life to live. have you ever heard of “life coaching”. it’s quite different from therapy (although, i availed myself of that too); a life coach can help you figure out a new professional path and it sounds like that might be a next good step for you. i believe there are online directories to help you find one. good luck—cbw

H i Debra: I have never replied to anything on this site, but your comments resonated with me. I am not a widow, but hopelessly stuck in a long-term marriage that involves alcoholism (his) and offers me nothing in the way of love, companionship, sex, joy; just a paycheck with enough money to stay out of debt. Don’t get me wrong - I know the importance of that sentence; in fact, it seems to define my life at this point. I feel unworthy of expressing any dissatisfaction with life because someone else is paying my bills. I am also 52 years old, and people don’t understand. If you are 52 and set in life; stable marriage, middle of a career, or even a long-term job, I suppose it doesn’t seem that old. If you are like me, however, it sucks. I was a stay-at-home mom for several years, and didn’t give enough thought to my life; ambitions, dreams, CHOICES! Now here I am, wanting desperately to make something of my life, and am finding it extremely difficult. I look pretty good, but men are not lining up for 52 year-old women. I am fairly intelligent, articulate, and a lot of other admirable qualities, but potential employers are not interested. I have never gotten a straight answer to this, but I am guessing if they can get someone 20 years younger with better skills, they are not inclined at giving an older individual a chance (although I would probably be a better choice in many cases). Same with a social life; for the most part, people have their little piece of the world all figured out, and aren’t really reaching out to make new friends. I know this sounds like a bad case of self-pity, and I guess it is, but sometimes life’s disappointments get the best of you, and just pulling yourself by your bootstraps and thinking positive is almost impossible to do. Thanks for listening.

Hi Ginger!! I read your comment. I had to comment as well. I’ve known Peggy since 2002, and she has changed my life!! I’m so glad to hear that you will be sticking to her… I can’t even begin to describe the EXTRAORDINARY WOMEN THAT SHE IS. SHE REPRESENTS TRULY FROM THE DIVINE LIGHT!!! ..Spread the word!! :) much blessings to you and yours!

hi anne-or google “life coach-your city” that might yield some leads.

thank you,eve—shortly after my husband died, i made a list of those things that i would miss most about not being married. to say that i miss (ed) him was number one on the list. but i wrote that i would miss traveling, having dinner in nice restaurants and going to art galleries and museums. there were other things on the list —but those were the things i thought i couldn’t do alone. but i have learned to do them all. i have a lot of women friends who are very successful- strong in the boardroom but not comfortable enough to have dinner in a nice restaurant by themselves. most of them say to me—don’t people look at your strangely—interpretation “don’t people think you’re a loser”. i felt i had a choice—miss all those opportunities to treat myself, settle for someone i perhaps wasn’t all that fond of but would keep me company OR just go it alone. i chose the latter. thank you for writing—it sounds like you have a very nice friendship with your mother; i’m very fortunate as well. i wish your mom good luck too and send my thanks to you for your good wishes. cbw