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Q & A | 07/08/2009 11:00 pm

Interview With Anne Kreamer: The Going Gray Author Stands by Her Strands

Going Gray author Anne Kreamer discusses the changes in her life — and society in general — two years after the publication of her book. Click here to read an excerpt from Going Gray.
By Ann Hodgman
Ann Kreamer/Image: Deborah Feingold

Editor’s Note: Anne Kreamer began life as a blonde. As an adult, she did what a lot of us do: colored her hair as close to the original color as possible for awhile, switched colors for fun occasionally and fretted as hiding the gray got harder. Unlike a lot of us, though, Anne decided she had enough. At age 48, she let her hair go gray. And she’s kept it that way ever since. In 2007, Anne’s book Going Gray was published to great acclaim. Two years later, wowOwow decided to check in and see how her life’s gone since she made the change.

wowOwow: Since the book came out, have you settled in to having gray hair? 

ANNE KREAMER: It’s only gotten better. I had my hair cut yesterday for the first time in six months, and when one of the colorists saw me, he said, "Oh, my God. Your hair is so amazingly fabulous — I couldn’t make that color if I wanted to. Whatever you do, never, ever dye that hair."  And what’s bizarre is that it happens all the time.

On average, women spend more time coloring their hair than they do having sex.

wOw: But you have the best kind of hair for going gray: straight and thick. You look like someone in a Ralph Lauren ad. What would you say to people who can’t pull it off as well as you — whose hair looks like a steel-wool pad when it’s gray?

ANNE: It’s a fallacy to say that people can’t look good with their natural color. What may be required is a different style or a different cut or new hair products. I see incredible women with gray, wavy hair, or dark-skinned women with different shades of gray, and I think they all look terrific.

wOw: What would you have done if you had decided to go gray and you really didn’t like the look of it? 

ANNE: You know, I probably would have dyed it again. But what do people have to lose by trying?  If they don’t like it, they can always go back to dyeing. The only caution I would give is that it takes a long time for hair to grow out.

wOw: Do you think gray hair makes people look older?

ANNE: When I surveyed people for the book, I found that, in the abstract, they thought gray hair looks older. But when I showed them pictures of people whose hair had been photoshopped gray, and asked them how old the subjects were, they accurately guessed their biological age. In pictures of me with gray hair, they guessed that I was 48; with dyed hair, they guessed that I was 46.

Click here for wOw’s Favorite Gray Haired Beauties Part I and Part II.

wOw: So we’re not fooling anyone.

ANNE: You know, if I dyed my hair today, no one would look at me today and say, "My goodness, look at that attractive 20-year-old." One reason people dye their hair is that when they look in the mirror they feel they aren’t seeing their authentic selves. And what they mean by "authentic self" is that period in life where they thought they looked their best. So they try to recreate that moment through hair color. Then they look in the mirror and think, "OK, I’m still kind of that 16-year-old girl."

wOw: Do you think it’s a moral failing when people do that?

ANNE: Not at all. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But it might be helpful for people to know they don’t have to. No one pays attention to anyone else! We have far more latitude to be comfortably what we want to be than we think we do. We should all be more tolerant about aging, no matter what choices people make.

wOw: Tell us about your Match.com experiment.

25 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Lizzie R.
I read the book and loved it. You look good with gray hair and your still young face. If you get to be a lot older gray hair makes you look & feel OLD. I started coloring my hair in my 70s when somebody told me my hair looked like hell. I became a blonde and recieved nothing but compliments on it, so guess I’ll stay this way until I get really ancient and stupid looking as a blond, at which point it won’t matter I suppose.
By Lizzie R. on 07/09/2009 12:19 am
Chris Broersma
I stopped coloring when I found out that people had been lying to me…I’d been told that no one would hire, "a grayed haired old lady!"  Over the past few years I found out that it made no difference whether my hair was gray or red!  Today I’m a happy white headed old lady and I’m much happier as my real self.
By Chris Broersma on 07/09/2009 11:43 am
Liza B
My mother (b. 1914) chose never to color her thick hair. She had a lot of interesting patterns of color groups - dark brown and a ring of lighter brown around the edge. Neither grandmother did anything to their hair (b. 1887 and 1873). I was teased as a first grader that I was adopted; mother was significantly older than my peer’s mothers. When I started going white at age 30 in my dark hair, it was just normal for me. At my present age, 54, I am rather evenly distributed white and dark brown. The texture has changed to a much finer strand. Occasionally, I find a super fine gold strand in there, which is rather surprising. I use a photo of the back of my head, showing my long hair in full color, on social network sites which fits my sense of humor.
By Liza B on 07/09/2009 2:11 pm
C jay

re her thick hair 

Liza, there is something inherently lovely about thick age aging … my Italian friends let theirs grow, and don’t color it. It makes this wispy, baby-follicled, red-head’s tongue hang out.

I have 2 friends who let their hair "turn" or dyed it gray as a test to see how their offspring reacted - both noticed a far greater degree of respect, attention and empathy (think I’ll do just that next month!).

My sole reason for recently having a same-color wash thrown on my head is my color "program." Red hair commonly goes strawberry blind, then a darker color, and sometimes "whitish" grows in - when mine started ‘turning’ it threw off my wardrobe, it threw me off, totally. Being of limited vision, I have to rely on what I knew … pattern memory they call it.

My very favorite color do is wide, broad foiling. A great stylist recently talked me into a mahogany foils and I rebelled, so only "a few" were put in. What a great experience. It did precisely what I needed, and my natural "reds" were still there but greater for the contrast.

Money? Nothing done to my head ever had to be repeated more than every 9 months. ;-))

By C jay on 07/12/2009 10:22 am
margameri margameri
After a few futile attempts to add color to my natural grey, I gave up. One day I encountered a woman walking toward me in a parking lot. Her hair was bleach-bottle orange, and she stopped me & said "How did you get your hair that color - I’ve been trying for years." I replied "I just waited", and kept walking. I enjoy my sparkling silver hair, but it must be well cut.
By margameri margameri on 07/09/2009 9:09 pm
BL Lowry
I had poker straight, dishwater ash blonde hair for years, that I paid to have lighter blonde highlights put in every 8 weeks. Once I realised I was skipping gray and going to white I let it grow out by putting in lowlights and getting a series of really good, if shorter haircuts. That was 4 years ago; the white hair has tremendous body and with a good haircut I simply let my hair air dry. If someone comments on the white I tell them I’m reverting to being tow-headed!
By BL Lowry on 07/09/2009 9:11 pm
Rose Parker
My hair is very dark brown and the silver streaks growing in look great to me.    However, the real issue to me is dignity.  I am proud of every grey hair on my head and the years I have survived to grow them.    Mother nature knows what she is doing when she brings gray to our hair.  If well taken care of it can be so beautiful
By Rose Parker on 07/10/2009 7:55 am
Mary Quite-Contrary

I started going gray in my teens (my late mom had snow white hair in her thirties…genetics gone awry).  At such a young age having ‘gray’ just wasn’t acceptable to me.  So I started a life time of ‘chemical enhancement.’   My roots tell me that my gray growth is pretty extensive in the front…and some day I might ‘give up the bottle.’  But til then…buy stock in the parent company of L’oreal ladies…their Excellence is the best at completely covering stubborn gray.

By Mary Quite-Contrary on 07/10/2009 10:41 am
Lynne Stamey

Like Mary Q-C, I also started going gray in my teens.  I started coloring my hair when a man (naturally a man) asked me if I was the same age as his daughter.  Turned out she was 38; I was 26.  After 20 years I decided to go "natural" and with the help of my most excellent hairdresser, found that my hair was a beautiful, shiny silver-white.  I get compliments on it even now, and I’m 55.  And yes, I’ve also heard that people would try to get this color from a bottle, but platinum is the closest they could find.  It’s very liberating to accept what is without feeling like I have to change it to suit other’s ideas of beauty.

By Lynne Stamey on 07/10/2009 11:40 am
Margaret G
I stopped dyeing my hair at age 44 after a decade of more and more frequent touch ups. But one day as I was fixing my hair, I thought, "Why am I doing this?" It certainly isn’t to look younger, I don’t think I am fooling anyone. And, for sure, it isn’t for any man. I haven’t had a date in many years. Too busy. So, I quit. Now my hair is salt and pepper and I love the freedom. And, best of all, I get compliments on my hair which I never used to do. Emancipation from the bottle. Long live the grays!
By Margaret G on 07/10/2009 3:15 pm
Anne Senk
Ok, my name is also Anne, and at 48 I decided to stop coloring my hair too!  What a coincidence!  I’m now 49, and happy with how I look.  I think it’s important to be comfortable with who you are, and to grow old gracefully. (Incidentally our name means "grace").
By Anne Senk on 07/10/2009 6:08 pm
Susan Crawford
Oh, gosh, if I had Anne’s head of lovely, thick silvery hair, I would also embrace the grey. But, alas, when my baby-fine, mousey-drab hair started turning grey, it made me look drawn and tired. So I embarked - in my 40’s - on the dye-trail. I started with blonde highlights, progressed into all-over blonde, and then realized a couple of years ago that the blonde looked suspiciously like grey. So now I’m a redhead, and spend my days trying to live up to all the implications of being a red-headed woman. I’m trying to be fiery and Celtic and so on. Well … it’s a journey. And if I don’t like it, I can always go Goth. Hmmm. It works for Joan Jett!
By Susan Crawford on 07/11/2009 11:51 am
KatyDid Wells
The line that hit me in this article was, "To me, the clearest sign of aging is a slumped back. That’s the thing I fight the most. "  I read that sentence and instantly sat up from my slouched position!  My posture can get so poor sometimes - I think I need to write that sentence across the top of my computer screen! 
By KatyDid Wells on 07/11/2009 11:01 pm
C jay

KatyDid, put that in your Desk Top Properties as a Scrolling Marquee. Mine reads: "Only Columbus had it done by Friday!" in huge white annifont script on a brillant blue background. Those who ‘get’ into my home office love it.

 

By C jay on 07/12/2009 10:26 am
KatyDid Wells

Good idea!  Either that or tether myself to the back of my chair! :)

Oh, and I thought it was Robinson Crusoe who had it done by Friday - ?

By KatyDid Wells on 07/12/2009 11:43 am