Belinda you have been a wealth of insight on this thread…but I have to add a little commentary of my own to your assessment of "….judging those Blacks I see who in my opinion go over-board in terms of hair and eye color…" What is that about…

From my point of view, in the retail/hair care world…a trendy fashion statement.  Like the uber natural blonde girls who want to go ‘Goth’ (heavy black dye job); to the Black girls who want to be blonde or auburn; its just doing something strikingly different.  I take it as moving beyond making a ‘statement’ about your ancestory…and just moving into a ‘look’ you create for the moment…who the young woman is at that moment.  Hair is one of the most transitional ways to change your look (it will grow out or back). 

It relates to ageism as well as racism.  Ask yourself how many ‘old’ (ie gray haired people you see).  Not as many now as when we were growing up…why is that?  I read a wonderful article, several years ago…forget by who…Nora Ephron maybe…but the writer asked where have all the old people gone?  A few gray haired men for sure…but women?  Are we all getting younger…no.  We (for the most part) dye our hair.  Market research shows that women buy different shades; and change their color preferences.  There is a wealth of ‘better living thru chemistry’ out there…and I trully think that we have come full circle…and we can (any race or age) change our looks at our whim (well at least hair wise). 

And you are sooo correct…lye (like color ‘strippers’ and metallics in dyes) are long gone.  Ladies…if you do anything ‘chemically’ to your hair…hug the next Chemical Engineer you meet.

Ok.  How do I respond to something like this?  WIth patience, with a reluctance to engage?  Belinda, (Sista) I think the best way is two-fold.  First, I am, in answer to your question 54 years of age.  One of the first lessons I learned from my family was that you do not under any circimstances refer to an individual as "ignorant".  You are a host interviewee for this Blog and for you to even insinuate because I refered to you again in what I was taught as a proud black woman, is a term of endearment towards Black Women just as "Brother" or "Bro" is a term reserved for Black men.  Why would the term "Sista" cause you to define me as a "loud mouth sereotype of Black women" when you yourself termed it as a stereotypical degrading term?  Why would the term ‘Sista cause you to become this enraged, feel insulted and result in behaviour that belittles your level of education.  What is Yale teaching our younguns these days! 

Whew!  Honey chile, I never show my ignorance about a subject like this.  Without being redundant, I logged on to the site saw the question posed and dealt with it in a brief and concise manner.  I think I made very good points.  There was no compliment in your response to me at all.  The first dig was when you made a reference to "nasty exchanges" and we had to "tip-toe" around the issue of racism.  Why was there a need to tip toe?  And where was the nasty exchange?  I’m still looking for it.  There was nothing nasty, or belligerent about my response at all and if you took exception to being referred to as a "Sista" then I have to tell you, I think you are suffering from exactly what you are accusing other women of color as being diseased with…self hatred.  Further, you then go on to state…"I may not be able to relate or express myself in the manner in which you do…." exactly what manner was that?  We both used the King’s English?  I wasn’t speaking a foriegn language, nor were any of my post in all caps, so why would you make a statement like  …"I see I am not dealing with an intelligent and savvy outspoken Black woman, but instead what I define as a loud mouth. The "sista-sista & I’m Black 24-7!" stereotype of Black women…"  I really think that you suffer from what you accuse others of suffering from.  Why would I suddenly become the "loud mouth" sereotype of Black women and why would you as a woman of color use such terms to define me?   So I will address this issue for clarity. 

I was raised in the South and hale proudly from a highly educated African-American family of African, Irish, Scottish, Cherokee Indian and God knows what else stock.  My family, all the way back to just after the days of slavery, have been well educated, WELL EDUACATED.  My Grandparents and Great Grands were the contemporaries of Booker T. Washington and other bright stars of the Black Movement, the movement that really got things done.  We were never allowed to address ourselves in deroggatory terms.  So yes in terms of your question, Yes, I have NEVER experienced from the women in my family nor the women in the neighborhood in which I was raised, nor the community, women who were ashamed of their hair, their skin color or anything else and that is why I can speak in the manner in which I speak.  I am a product of that type of mentality, which is why I can write the way I do and have little patience for imprudence.  I am able to know it when I see it and address it in kind.  A poster admonished you earlier about being confused with using colloquial terms of endearment as opposed to seeing it as a manifest for being immershed in self hatred.  Preposterous! 

You then continue on to say that you were the "living proof of a Black woman who wears her hair in many different ways, color or length that you want, without the slightest care of what others think, but how you think on this subject and those around you and in your family…’You’ are in the minority.." Your quote not mine. 

I believe I asked for clarity on what you meant by that because the way I interpreted that statement and I do believe I got you right, was that you were in the minority about feeling pride about your hair, which infers that the women in your family and around you do not feel the same way.  So my dear one, why should I feel embarrased because I do read with comprehension.  And you stated it was "YOUR" opinon, (excuse me while I clear MY THROAT) that Black women almost always feel to the contrary.  My guess (sadly) in America, many Black women would chose the white doll. 

So as an older African-American women who comes proudly from African-American, Cherokee Indian, Irish, Scottish family, who have men and women in our family who’s skin is as black as ebony and as white as snow and hair as soft as lamb’s wool and in color, tawny as strands upon a harp, or as golden as a morning’s dawn.  I have lived a wonderful life, and learned the lessons of my mothers and fathers and the lessons set aside for me in this life. 

I take great exception to your response to me, but given I am the olde rand wiser of the two, I would respond with gentleness and wisdom.  But I have to say and I say this gently, you should be ashamed of yourself.  I have read a lot of the responses to this post and there have been some exceptional ones.  I dont’ know where you were educated throughout your educational journey as I am sure it was not just Yale who educated you but your mother, father, perhaps and your extended family.  You had to have had a brain before you entered Yale.  Yale was not a gift to you my dear, but precisely the opposite.  You were a gift to Yale.  My Uncle Ezekeial taught us never to call anyone "stupid, ignorant nor crazy", it is by my family’s yardstick blasphemous before God and and a slight against Gods gift, the human being my child. 

If I can pass that on to you I will.  I believe very strongly the pen is mightier than the sword, but never allow discourse to make you become small and caustic against those that are responding from the wealth of experience or lack thereof, as to make you so unsure and inadequate that you lash out with name calling. 

Now there has been tremendous information on here from real "Sista"s who don’t take the term as deroggatory at all, but embrace it.  Why you seem to have a problem with it again points to self hatred. 

Here’s a poem from Delta Sigma Theta’s album Roses and Revolution

I’m not a young girl, nor do I wish to be,

I’m not a young girl,  except inside you see,

I’m not that old I’m sure you know,

I just believe that as you age, you grow,

and I have lived this long and made it to this place,

Black Woman I struggling to be brave, Black woman I and yet a girl afraid,

I’m not a young girl, nor do I wish to be,

Hey, I am a WOMAN, healthy, shaped and READY

Consideration…is key.