Ltr #2:   Consult a couples therapist. 

LW #1 My husband also has a female boss, and if he EVER bought her a gift, it had better be one I chose and that we gave her at her party with her signifigant other attending! He is most certainly engaging in an emotional affair at the very least!

LW #2  I am not really sure where to begin other than to say "HELLO?" Why is 42 too old to "find someone else?"  I know of a couple who didn’t find each other until the lady was 43…and they have been married for over 25 years.  Happy anniversary, Mom!  THe most attractive people in the world are those who like themselves.  Concentrate on that and you will find yourself a better person and a great parent.

#1   Emotional affairs are just as damaging to a marriage as physical affairs and I strongly suspect that your husband’s emotional affair is also physical.  He’s *juggling* right now and trying to decide whether to leave you for her or not.   Probably the only thing keeping him from doing so is that their mutual employer would strongly disapprove of this coupling and fire one or both of them and they know it.   If he is not willing to give up this attachment (and realistically that would mean changing jobs) you are left in limbo until the affair is over or they decide to throw caution (and you) to the winds.    If you do not have a good handle on your family finances, his assets, pension funds, etc., now would be a good time to start investigatiing and preparing yourself for divorce.   Consult a lawyer immediately to get his advice on preparing yourself to survive it financially.   He has already left your marriage at least for now and probably forever.  As Margo would say *don’t ask me how I know this*

Letter #1: I’m sorry but I must remove my glove and smack thee forcefully upon thy cheek! Come on sweetheart…it’ll hurt…but you must leave him NOW!! And 40ish does NOT mean dead’ish!! Take time to regroup and get back out there ;-)

Letter #2: Your husband’s boss probably gave him his job…and gave him a job….

everybody sure has good advice so far.

LW#1: i believe if he looks like a duck, acts like a duck and 8 ppl call him a duck then he had better start quacking. this guy sounds like a dog and he is barking up some other woman’s tree. in my past relationships (i stopped dating because of my health, not my age) i never allowed my men to flirt with anybody else. some ppl allow this. i consider it shameful and rude. so if any man of mine was doing more than that it would be time for him to pack his bags and move his ass out. two weeks notice is all he gets.

your husband is more than emotionally committed to this woman. open your eyes darlin, you are being hoodwinked and taken advantage of. if i were you i would be madder than a wet hen. how dare he flaunt this affair in front of your face and have the nerve to call it "business". he thinks your stupid and your not. your just presented with something new and have to question it to see if your right in being mad and YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE PISSED!!! the pure audacity of some ppl (men and women) that feel they can just stomp on ppl’s feelings and then lie to your face about it. i bet the so and so would be mad if you were doing the same thing to him. 

consult an attorney, find out your rights and your assets (which should be considerable if you’ve been together 25yrs) and then start seeing a your own counselor without him because the one you have isn’t worth the money you pay. get a woman also, so she understands what your going thru. 

LW#2: for one your age has nothing to do with being "over the hill". i know 80yr olds that run circles around me and have a dozen bf’s. i like margo’s advice about talking about the underlying reasons for your husband low libido. it might be something from his past, it might be a mental or physical problem or he just might have a low libido. some marriages are just fine that way. but if yours is not and your concerned you should definitely look into it. i’m sure he loves you and all that. but if you always had to do the initiating and he never did, then you knew right from the start what you were getting into. usually how a person acts in the first year of dating/marriage shows how they will act for the rest of the time. so if you were having to drag him to bed against his will before, what made you think it would change after? hehe, we all think it will be different after we get married/move in with them, but it’s not. have you just asked him straight out why he isn’t interested in sex with you?

as for your not being interested in sex with him anymore, would that change if he suddenly showed interest or is it really dead? because if it’s dead aint nothing gonna bring it back. those are important questions to ask yourself. if you feel you just cannot be with him any longer, either as him to leave or you leave and set both of you free. then find somebody better suited to you. why be miserable? as for the children. they will survive as long as they have time with both parents equally. better that they be in a broken home with to happy parents, then an unbroken home with constant stress and turmoil running like an undercurrent in the relationship.

#1 she should just smack him and call the boss and tell her she can have hime since she already does. May as well take all of him, dirty clothes, cooking, cleaning, his emotional baggage, basically ALL OF HIM.

#2 I was widowed at 42, over weight and felt ugly. It was 20 years since I had to meet people. I found a job I love and it gets me out in public every day. I met my current husband 2 years ago. Believe me the last thing I wanted was a husband, but we married last April. I am happy and no longer look at myself as overweight (although I still am, that is still taking a lot of work) & ugly. I finally got to the point of telling people "I am fine as wine and cuter than a speckled puppy in a little red wagon", and I have a $1,000,000 smile. There is much more to life than spending it with someone that refuses to have a physical relationship with you.  Shoot I did not fully enjoy the advantages of being over 40 till this past year. There are many men that like older women, and the sex, let me tell you it is like wine, better with age. Good luck making the changes that need to be made.

Emotional affairs are just as devistating to the partner as physicla affairs. The man (or woman) is investing a part of themself to another person on a very deep (almost biblical) level and is cheating the man or woman’s partner of that deep level of connection. I know because a similar thing happened to me.

 My ex "Gary", my ex-friend "Laura" and I use to hang out a lot. Over time they started to act strangely. Laura would get upset when I kissed Gary and would write him letters, etc. I found out after he dumped me (and later on down the road married her) that they had been having an emotional affair before they began having oral sex together shortly after that. Needless to say, it took me years to get over this and put it in the past. I don’t think that sting ever quite goes away. So I think Margo’s advice is great and makes the man in this situation either slink away like a snake or stand up like a man.

#2  Girl, you’re not going to get any younger waiting for him to change!  It’s better to get out now, so you can both get on with your lives, and find someone who thinks you’re fabulous!