I just this instant washed my face (with Oil of Olay’s Age Defying Cleanser, the only thing I’ve found that – sort of – keeps my adult acne at bay), and was confronted once again with the ever-deepening furrow in my brow and the lines across my forehead I have lately had to scrape foundation out of. And that reminded me once again that it has been more than a year since my own best remedy, Pat Wexler, last injected me with Botox. No amount of old-fashioned or home-grown remedies could possibly fix problems as – literally – deep as mine, so I have resolved to get myself on a plane to Manhattan ASAP (and when I get there, I may have to let the good doctor take the laser she keeps recommending to my face and chest).

Having said that, I do love the smell of Elizabeth Arden’s Eight Hour Cream because it reminds me of my grandmother, so I occasionally rub it on my elbows (but then the dog tries to lick it off). Also, I had a roommate in boarding school who would revive her eyes after one of our numerous debauched weekends with egg whites, which she applied underneath the lower lid and all around the browbone like a mask, left on for about a half hour, and I have to say she always looked amazing afterward.