Deniseann, both times, I refused reconstruction, because I wanted my chest wall fully visible to breast radiologists (the most common first place that mets is found, especially after having metastatic cancer in the first place), however, I was told each time that recon is available to any woman who has had a mastectomy, at any time, at no cost, and that still holds, I was just told that again but, as a swimmer, I have frankly enjoyed my tank suits much more.

And, I had long red hair when breast cancer first hit me, and it grew back in, not curly, as people told me it might …but again, since the only sport I could do after Polio as a child was swimming, I enjoyed the peach fuzz that grew back in slowlyyyyyy. I was terrified when it first came out, clump after clump and with a breast gone, I didn’t know what that was in my mirrors any longer.

Lymphedema - water arm ‘work’and resistance exercising helps that a great deal. I worked my arms in deep water a great deal before BC, and as soon as I knew another mastectomy was coming - also Super B complex helps rid it, and Vitamin E, and that also controls the neuropathy caused by chemo -somewhat, at least the pain is not as severe when a loud noise is heard. The pain in your left arm is not uncommon post mastectomy, but it has to be moved, or the pain is like a blow torch on the skin (in my experience and that of hundreds of others), but Neurontin given carefully for a definite period of time stops that pain - it won’t take long; in fact my analyst noticed me "guarding" at the time of my 2nd mastectomy, and helped me get beyond it with Neurontin for a time. Who cared for you? You must ask to see a neurologist, and get that fixed now. You deserve to have those nerves healed - they are "stunned" from the surgery - but only for a time. Be patient with yourself.

Women and men with cancer should be in psychological care period. The brain and mind control the somatic self, the body. I ran (not walked) to the best psycho-analyst I could find in Austin, after speaking and meeting with about 7 psychiatrists and psychologists first. (I could not tolerate the ladies who came out to ‘fetch’ me in their tea length skirts, tunic cotton sweaters, and rope necklaces for some reason, when the one I chose said, "Come on in here, let’s start working for you, now!" that cinched it. I needed another fighter in my life.

Deniseann, just be yourself, you’ve earned it! Ask your doctors, and the American Cancer Society about recon if it would help you feel better. My only reason for passing up that "opportunity" was as stated above, and I did not want those many extra hours under anesthesia when my immune system was already jeopardized. Each of us must do what we believe we want.

Just do what makes you feel good, and happy, too. If I can help you, I will.

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven (Johannes A. Gaertner)."  http://www.breastcancer-experience.net/about-DEDICATIONPg.html

I have seen old women on TV, and frankly, men age quite obviously, and it bothers them, too; at least those who are real (like the rabbit).

In fact, I have always preferred hearing, and seeing seniors on TV and elsewhere, they are most often far more relaxed, and sincere. We’ve over-dosed on Hollywood now on every dang show, and if not featuring some idiot’s upcoming film release, it’s some horrid band, or vocalist. It is a wonder any of our youth has a modicum of self-confidence in them by the age of 17 - most have far too little.

You know, I remember having to go see a reconstructive surgeon with breast cancer, and he shocked me to the core. His only intent was to OPERATE and fix me, but he wasn’t capable of fixing me - I had cancer! It was real, there, I was ill. No amount of recon would hide that fact, but to let him keep me under anesthesia many hours longer when it impairs the immune system, wouldn’t be smart (and he was in a well known plastic surgery department who’s chief was "on record" for saying every woman with breast cancer should wait "at least 5 years" before having reconstruction  -  they may need more surgery, radiation, chemo, etc. and those tubes, and drains would not help her immune system, or keep infection at bay. To get away from the younger brute, I had to tell him I’d "come back later and shop, when I’m well…" He was angry, and said, "Do you know what you are going to look like when you wake up?"

That did it - he was incompetent, immoral, uncaring, unethical and I should permit him to touch me, hardly. Now, I love the fact that my rope pearls don’t sling over one breast when I wear them, and everything lies flat on my badge of freedom chest, but the peace of mine I have knowing my chest wall is fully visible to the breast radiologists means everything to me - and being alive, now. I am free!