How a City Worker Saw me in the Nude

or - What I Don’t Do to Cool Off in the Heat - anymore 

Last year during the summer, instead of driving in to the office every day, sometimes I stayed home and worked in the "home" office. That way I didn’t have to get fully dressed. Much more comfortable.

I was very careful to throw on something before I went out to get the mail. Now, my kitchen windows are open - no window treatments of any kind - and what I didn’t expect, upon going to the kitchen to get a glass of iced tea, was that upon turning around, I would be facing a City worker who had been trimming bushes on the other side of my backyard glass fence.

I still drink a lot of iced tea in the summer. But if I am home, I am fully clothed.      

I think there are Two tips to being a consummate hostess.

The first is the more obvious: To state it simply, I would say it would be to Plan Ahead. That includes: 

Choose a theme;

Select a dish that you make well, and one that can be made ahead (except for baking, say) such as a vegetarian lasagne or a fish dish;  

Shop ahead;

Set the table ahead;

Select and organize your music ahead;

Buy and arrange flowers ahead;

Stock your bar ahead;

Give yourself time to have a relaxing bath before your guests arrive;

Light candles, open the wine, and greet your guests! 

If you are having a good time, your guests will have a good time.

Now, the second tip is this: Keep your eyes and ears open. It is your responsibility as a hostess to keep the conversation flowing. If a guest talks too long about something - goes on and on - we’ve all experienced that - jump in and save your other guests. Say something like, "We’d all love to hear more about Dave’s fishing trip later, but right now I’m sure we’d love to hear about Emily’s recent trip to Italy!" …    

No. And unless I become disfigured, I can’t imagine ever electing to have it.

I’ve seen 50 come, and go. So I’m aging. My body has changed. Oh, I can still turn a head now and then. And when I do now, it’s not just because of my looks; it’s also because of what’s between the ears. And that knowledge makes it especially flattering. 

I look at my fine lines now, at my forehead and around my eyes, my mouth - and each one reminds me of a time I have lived through: The illness of a loved one; a stressful, frenetic business; the indescribable loss - that hollow space after the death of a loved one - that space that you live with forever. Then there are the lines and wrinkles that come from love and laughter, from joy. These lines and wrinkles - they mark my face like a blessing - like a momento from all the experiences I have lived. I wouldn’t trade them. I’ve earned them all - the ones from pain and sorrow, and the ones from love and joy.          

When I look at my face in the mirror now - when I really look - I see a woman smiling back at me.   

A visit … a phone call … a gift selected with some thought behind it …

This year, I am driving up from California to Oregon, to spend the weekend with my Dad. I will be stopping at all the McDonald’s along the freeway, plugging in my computer so I can conduct my business, along the way. One day I’ll have a fancy new phone to work from. Anyway, I am taking Dad and his wife out for dinner on Saturday night, to a restaurant of his choice. And I am bringing Kindle audio books for him, as he is having an issue with his eyesight. My sister has sent a nice gift via the mail, with a nice card written in large letters. I am looking forward to spending time with him, and how lucky I am to still have him in my life.

(fp: if you read this, my Dad loved the Yo Yo Ma cd you recommended a while back. Thanks.)         

Paul Krugman!

Frannie,

A woman after my own heart. Have you ever tried cooking in the nude?

Just need to stir the wok at arm’s length. Can be dangerous. LOL!

I have on a couple of occasions, when in my 20’s.

Once as a live model for artists to sketch. I was partially draped.

And once for a photographer who wanted to shoot film of me jazz dancing. The photographer was a friend of my mom, and my mom accompanied me to the studio. We did the shoot, then we all fixed Chinese food together, and had lunch. It was work, but a fun experience.          

I have no problem posing for art. However, the artists I know have models available to them. Occasionally I sit for my mom, when she is trying to adjust a portrait sketch, or check the proportion of bone structure, so it usually involves the face, neck, arm or hand.     

Candice,

Wishing you a most Happy Birthday and … 

Champagne from your shoe!

No. I have never changed parties. I will die, a Democrat.  

President Obama’s best move since gaining office …

I could say it’s what he has done for the Economy.

I could say it’s what he has done to Restore our Relations in the World.

However, I think I will say this: What he’s done to actually Restore our Faith in the Presidency itself. 

Phyllis,

Thank you for your words; I really appreciated them. You’re so insightful, and kind. And you got me to laugh, at what you said at the end. I loved that. Reminded me of a therapist I occasionally saw. She would tell me to do something nice for myself every week. Just a little something. Maybe a movie, or a scarf, a little perfume, a couple of hours browsing in a book store. So, thank you for writing that. I’ll try to remember.

My parents divorced years ago. Dad moved from Orange County to Santa Barbara with whats her name. My mom stayed in O.C. A few years ago, Dad and his wife moved to Oregon. That’s where his wife’s daughters lived. One of her daughters has since moved closer to San Francisco. Anyway, my dad is 72. Is in great shape. Recently is having issues concerning his eyes - macular degeneration. You’d love him, Phyllis. Retired physicist and professor. Tall, handsome, charming. World travelled. Well read. Sophisticated. A man’s man and a lady’s man. Great story teller. Can go from a tux to hiking books in 20 seconds. I just wish he was back in Santa Barbara again. And I wish his sight to be fully restored.

Poems of Sharon Olds and Louise Gluck are running through my mind. Here’s one:

MATINS

by Louise Gluck (from her book, The Wild Iris)

You want to know how I spend my time?

I walk the front lawn, pretending

to be weeding. You ought to know

I’m never weeding, on my knees, pulling

clumps of clover from the flower beds: in fact 

I’m looking for courage, for some evidence

my life will change, though

it takes forever, checking

each clump for the symbolic

leaf, and soon the summer is ending, already

the leaves turning, always the sick trees

going first, the dying turning

brilliant yellow, while a few dark birds perform

their curfew of music. You want to see my hands? 

As empty now as at the first note.

Or was the point always

to continue without a sign? 

Hi Deena,

Yes, in addition to the E-Mail Alert and Reply buttons, can’t we have a It’s Late At Night And I’m Drinking And Blogging And Spilling My Guts And Can I Take It Back button? Oh well. Lucky for me I’m being met with much kindness, including yours. Thank you for your comments, Deena. And I must admit, I do feel better. Have a pleasant day. 

Hi Suzanne,

Thanks for your comment. Very kind of you. And thanks for the info/link re the CA Wine Festival in Santa Barbara. That does sound like a fun event. I just adore Santa Barbara. So pleasant, and gorgeous. And wonderful memories.    

Well, that was too much information. No more blogging after a glass of red wine!

But less expensive than seeing a therapist. So … thanks! And it’s "du jour" I guess.

I feel trapped every day, on different levels.

Although I am fortunate to have a business, I no longer like what I’m doing. It’s frenetic and draining. But it’s what I know, and it pays the bills. Although business is down lately, due to the economy. Anyway, from 7:30 am to 6:00 pm, Mon. through Fri., I do what I do. And in the evenings, after I make dinner, after I clean up the kitchen, after I force myself to work out on the treadmill, I somehow find the energy to carve out some time to work on my transition business.

The man I live with is my business partner. He’s a lawyer and a real estate broker. He wants out of our legal business, too. So now, he does stock trading from 6:00 am to 1:00 pm, while I run the business. I’m fine with that, as he has always been supportive of my separate business pursuits.      

I’m pretty altruistic. I’m okay as long as I set boundaries. Otherwise, I’m a dead duck. 

Everyone around me it seems, especially my parents, are having medical issues. I wake up wondering what the problem de jour is. And it’s not that they aren’t extremely capable. They are. I just take it on, that altruism thing takes over. And I get consumed with it… How many more years until I need to make alternative living arrangements for my mother. Until that zip code in between us is no longer… Why did my dad move to Oregon … When he lived in Santa Barbara, all I had to do was jump in the car and I could be there in less than three hours … 

It’s hard for me to see my once indestructible parents, especially my dad - my "rock" - getting older and having medical issues. And I feel the future sort of press in on me. I’ve had "windows" in my life where I enjoyed independence in my work. And I want that again. I want financial independence in a business where I’m not tied down. And I would like to attain that, and enjoy it, while I still have at least one zip code between me and my parents. Just for a little while. That sounds so selfish. But I know one day will come, and the zip code won’t be there. I’ll do the right thing. The labor of love.       

So for me, for now, it’s all about the need to focus - on what I want, on goals, direction, and balance. To make some progress every day. And to set those boundaries.