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Christine Cline

Christine Cline

My Comments (332 so far…)

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

In a way she was blaming me. Not for the situation in the first place; but, for the situation being unfixable by my own hands. As for etsy like I said if I make a little then I make even less because of the way SSI figures out th deductions. Case in point. If I worked 160 hours in a month and earned $ 600.00 after their deductions I would only get $160.00 SSI the f9ollowing month. After figuring the costs of working, supplies, etc. I would be left with even less. And as I stated before my computer is no longer reliable. I cannot even keep photos on it anymore. I lost numerous photos because I could not get them all off fast enough last week and many of their files were corrupted. For what ever reason I am on here now; but, I can make no concrete future plans involving a computer. It is excruciating knowing that with the loss of the computer there goes my photography. Since I could not afford to print anything I just always uploaded all the photos and kept them on the computer. But now it is corrupting some of the pictures right away so that even if I go to download them to disk right after uploading them some of the pictures are already gone. Tell me how long could you go on not just in the face of ever worsening pain and fatigue; but also, when you’ve lost absolutely everything of who and what you are. When your hopes, dreams, goals, ambitions, your very youness is stripped away how long could you exist then. I have already existed as a nobody for the past 20+ years. But to be a stranger to myself too? No. It’s just not humane to ask that of someone. 

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

Thanks Joan. Did exactly what you said years ago. I made so many calls that I found myself being referred to a different agency and number and I would have to tell them that I just recently got off the phone with that recommended agency. In the end I spent a lot of time getting nowhere. I have repeated that process many times over the years. Here is what it all boils down to: I get SSI for me (I am not a senior citizen. I am only 46) and Welfare for Shea. Because of our intolerance to processed foods I can not use the local pantries; however, there is one that tries to help me get some organic foods. I qualify for winter heating help. Unfortunately it is the electric bill that is killer. The gas is extremely cheap. I get medicaid which boils down to some pain killers and I have to buy my own fatique medicine so I do not get the effective one. The medical care I really need is not available to me. There is nowhere I can go to get clothes, shoes, furniture or household items free. Some of my furniture came from my apartment complex’s dumpster. The same is true of my jeans so none of them fit well. As for help getting a career going doing what God blessed me with the talents for, art, photography and poetry absolutely nothing. It seems that I am way too poor for the "American Dream". There are lots of numbers in my phonebook listed under social services. In the end it is just a whole lot of nothing. And I will not even bother telling you about the Salvation Army here who takes donations but does not give handouts. You can not even imagine what it is like to be inadequated and nothing to death because with all the social service agencies, churches (who either give to only their own or are currently out of funds or just do not do those things) and charities noone is willing to beleive that it means absolutely nothing to someone like me. And even though anyone understands that if they were expected to live on the minimum wage of two decades ago it would be impossible they can not get it that I can not make it on a Welfare that has not give a raise in over two decades. And though SSI does give a very small cost of living increase annually I immediately lose it and more to cut food stamps and increased rent. Infact I lose between ten to fifty annually to lost food stamps and increased rent. I am sorry that I have already tried those ideas dozens of times over the years. I wish I could help you by being able to try something new at your suggestion; but alas, I can not. The aweful truth is that through my research I have found that people really are trying to help (I use to be so angry because I thought that only a few really cared and tried to help.). I found thousands upon thousands of agencies on the Internet accepting donations; but, NOT EVEN ONE that helps individuals. You can not even begin to imagine the irony of dying of malnutrition, inadequate medical care and having no choice but to push my battered body far beyond its limits just to survive while knowing that millions upon millions are being donated annually to help people just like me. That is why I am writing in here asking people to help others one on one when ever possible. I can not do much but when I send Shea’s outgrown clothes upstairs to the neighbor girls I know that 100% of my donation got where it need to go and that it is being enjoyed by someone who truely needs it. When I hold a door open for someone or take an elderly person’s garbage to the dumpster every bit of my kindness directly benefitted that person. Even when I quietly dispose of the garbage that was temporarily sitting outside a neighbor’s door I know the deed was done. An individual real live person got helped. Maybe if more more peole were willing to do that there would be less people like me out there getting their affairs inorder before they die of nothing.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

Thanks like most when you’ve gotten to the point that it is obvious that the person in need of help has done all they can do with what they have avaiable to work with then you blame them for their situation. The classic "I can’t fix it so I’ll let them know how it is all their fault ‘.  I did nothing to help myself then I would have never snapped a single photo. I would have never created a single work of art or wrote even one poem. I am not sorry that I am not also a genius business woman, self-advocate, manager, reearcher and miracle worker. I would think that God had blessed me enough with the three different artistic talents. Maybe the world isn’t ready for the likes of me. Maybe it can not handle not only a talented artist but also a humanitarian that does all she can do to help others without ever judging them and their situation and what I think they could have done better for themselves. When I send Shea’s outgrown clothes to the little girls upstairs I do question their mother to find out if She is doing Enough for them and herself. I just hand them over and say. Enjoy! I just give. 

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

I have tried several times over the past twenty years and come up empty here in Council Bluffs and that includes contacting the Iowa Arts Council. I use to have long distance on my phone. I did not wait till I was wearing dumpster clothes, flip flops and suffering from malnutrition to start looking for help. One of the insideous things about the Welfare system, when a person calls and asks questions on behalf of someone else they are told one thing. But when that same needy person calls themselves they are given a completely different answer. I talked to SSI and was told that a grant would be income no matter how I planned on spending it. Therefore it would be assessed against me. Sometimes the only thing we have left that we can do for ourselves is to bring a quicker end to our suffering. Why is it that only the poorest of the poor are expected to be islands unto themselves.  But for the "slightly poor" noone would ever be so cruel as to expect them to create miracles for themselves and go through pain and sufferings alone.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

Please read what else I wrote earlier. Internet is not to be taken for granted for me. And Being forced to accept Welfare for my granddaughter and SSI for me I am not allowed to work my way slowly up the ladder as most people do. The rules have me in my career choice (with my physical dis and ability and my talents and skills considered) an all or nothing situation. I explained it up above. My survival is dictated by the system. If I wish to continue to survive then I have to play by their rules. Unfortunately it is their rules that is killing me anyway. I just want an end to the slow torture. I have taken all the steps allowed me. Now without help I only have two choices left me. Slow torturous death or a quicker death.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

I’m sorry Snooks, it must look like all I want is the pie in the sky. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is the rules of the Welfare(s) system that requires it to be an all or nothing deal. Though I have put in twenty years making those pictures. Most of the art is pointillism. A single picture takes on average several weeks to several months to make and for me it is back breaking work quite literally. Unfortunately noone ever considers art, photography or writing to be legitimate work until you make money at it. Then suddenly they change their tune and sing the praises of your hard work. Funny too how often I am told that maybe if I was willing to do some volunteer work, go out and help others then people would be willing to help me. If such were true I would be a millionaire right now. They have no clue. My vey lifestyle is about giving to others. Not all of us are fortunate enough to reap what we sow when what we sow is good. I just think I was not meant to be. I suppose my mother knew that when she gave me up at birth. Like I said I have no lose ends to worry about. I care not what happens to my few possessions when they open the apartment wondering why it smells. But you, my friend have worth and you know it. Live well. 

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

Thanks, I did scroll up. Unfortunately her advice fell into the low middle maybe very upper low income category. I am so low that I fall below the low low income group. I can not put it in a gallery without framing it first. That is the catch twenty two that leaves my works in my apartment unseen. Etsy poses two problems. One that is an Internet resource and my computer faithfully warns me now every 15 minutes to back it up because a hard drive failure is imminent. Two. Nickle and diming my way up the ladder will net me almost nothing to actually costing me money because of the rules of SSI and Welfare. My final cut off point may be $674.00 but any amount made under that is assessed and a large chunk of it deducted from the next SSI check. That is why after expenses I can actually end up paying to work. As for grants not only can I not call any long distance numbers.  Iowa City is long distence for me. I am in Council Bluffs. But all grant money is considered income. So again over $674.00 and I lose my SSI. Under  that amount and that is deducted from the SSI.  So you see I am much too poor for the advice offered. I think my only hope would be a full out show. But that would mean a gallery, a means of getting there, something better than dumpster clothes if I am required to be at the opening,  possibly a babysitter and all art to be shown matted and framed and all photos to be shown printed, matted and possibly framed. Quite an investment. Yes I would not only pay every penny back to the one who helped; but, I would wish it to be an ongoing manager-artist relationship. I am an artist, I do not have a business bone in my body. So I would need a partner to handle that end of my career anyway. So now you see. I always fall under the poor enough to be helped line. No I think it just isn’t meant to be. Oh well at least I won’t have to think about how much it is going to cost me to get my medical care on track and my health back. Suicide is free. Thanks anyway kiddo.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

Where you are the United Way may be a great agency, I do not know. What I do know is that where I am the United Way as so many other charities "does NOT help individuals".  I have no problem finding charities, programs, agencies, etc. accepting millions in donations. I have a problem finding ones "giving" help. None of those people volunteer or paid are spending every moment of their survivals in excruciating pain and fatigue. Nor are they eating food off the ground, wearing clothes from the dumpster, or flip flops in freezing cold. They are not telling their children for the thousandth time "maybe next time" we will go to the zoo, out to eat, to some event, a vacation, a holiday, something, anything. Nor are they right this minute trying to find some other arrangement for the child they love more than anything so they can give themselves the gift of painless, fatigueless, nothingness, death for Christmas.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

My to do list is finished. All that is left is sending Shea away and that is not far away now. Nothing else matters. I suspect you still have hope and usefulness. Good for you. Hang in there. I am already dying. It is just too slow and painful. I am a firm beleiver in euthanasia. I’d prefer life; but, I’ve hit my breaking point. I’m out of time. I have to save myself. So that is what I am doing. Life is better than death. Long term excruiciating survival is not. I am grateful for the day. I just don’t want another one under the same or worse circumstances. You hang in there.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

Thank you, I do not know if I am crying because you care or because you hit the nail on the head. I have after my daughter to get her financial affairs straightened out. I have also been trying to get her daughter to like her better. Because the truth is I want them together so I can commit suicide. My daughter’s boyfriend just came back from I raq. He wants to move to Hawaii. I want them to take Shea with them. I love Shea with all my heart and to lose her would kill me. But that is what I want. I just can not take anymor of the same old pain, fatique, suffering and sights. I come to beleive that noone is ever going to help. Survival short term is a feat worth of thankfulness but survival long term is just beyond cruel especially when better is being spouted at you everywhere you turn. Men don’t starve because they do not know how to fish. They starve because thy have no equipment to fish with. So if he gets his wish and they move to Hawaii soon they I may get the one present that I can provide for myself thi Christmas and end to pain and suffering an end to unrealized hopes and dreams an end to my life. You take care girl.  

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

New Yorker, maybe you would know of a resource I can access. I am a starving artist, literally. I worked diligently these past 20+ years; since I was disabled through a work injury, producing over forty works of art and hundred of photos. I also finished my first book’s draft of poetry ten years ago. I have been trying to find a sponsor, financial partner, etc. someone to help me get my art into galleries. I am unable to mat or frame any of my art. The photography is all on disks as I can not print them. My computer is near to a hard drive failure o I cannot keep it on the computer any more. Transportation is extremely limited and childcare (I am raising my granddaughter) out of the question. My daughter thinks I was meant to bless the world with my unique art. I think I was meant to die undiscovered. I have been so unsuccessful for so long that I hate to bother asking you. I suppose it is too much of a long shot. Just thought just maybe you might know how to find that kind of help. I have some works uploaded in myspace. URL: blueccs. Habitat is a gret organization to give to. I use to help build habitat houses here in Iowa until health, transportation and other things made it too difficult. Have a good day.

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

My personal experience has been that though there are many charities I am slowly dying from malnutrition, lack of the ‘correct’ medical care and having no alternative but to push my body far beyond its limits. And most painful of all a life so focused on survival that there is no room for my hopes, dreams, ambitions or even just a normal traditional holiday break or a day off. So I urge people who are interested in making a difference to carefully consider two things. One research your charities. I do not mean  read "their" literature or speak to who "they" reccomend. I mean do some real detective work. If they check out then donate to them. Secondly consider helping people one on one. Charities tend to be a one size fits all; yet, life does not work that way (i.e. I did not say I had no medical care; rather, I have the wrong medical care.) Quietly investigate the person you are considering helping. (Personally I would have no qualms about someone running a full background check and whatever else they wished to check out about me if they were considering helping me.) Then if they are in legimate need of your help tailor that help to fit their needs and dreams.  Also keep in mind that many charities may seem to offer some wonderful things such as day camps , art events, etc. for underpriviledged youth; yet, something like this often misses the poorest of children except for a lucky few because transportation and or other factors may be an insurmountable obstacle. Therefore such a ‘gift’ is really targeted more at the lower middle and upper low income families. Most people are shocked to find out just how many charitable opportunities I am too poor to access. Lastly please remember that a lot of people get nothinged to death here in America because noone will help because they assume someone else already is.

Should marijuana or prostitution be legalized?

Marijuana has definate uses medicinally. It is an extremely effective pain killer and unlike perscription ones that tend to be very specific as to the types of pain they target marijuana handles all pains. It also seems to be very effective in helping ADD and ADHD type personalities focus but without the loss of drive and motivation that is a given side affect of Ritalin, Adderall and other psychotrophic drugs. With research I beleive that many more medical conditions may be found to be good canidates for treatment from some deritive of marijuana.  

As for the recreational usage of marijuana I am absolutely against it. It’s affect on people is very individualized. Several people may smoke the exact same amounts and have very different results. I personally am not someone you would want behind the wheel of a car after smoking just one joint. As a teen I found that I could never enjoy it the same as many others did. While they were animated and active I turned into a vegetable that could not finish a sentence or even get up to go to the restroom. But neither could I just go to sleep for while my body turned into stone my mind was racing and winning the Indy 500. So given my own personal experiences and observations I say YES to medicinal and NO to recreational marijuana.

As to prositution why is it illegal in the first place? Personally I would rather go hungry than turn a trick. And saddly that personal standard of intrgrity has afford me much hunger and unfilled needs. If I could do such a thing I would not be wearing flop flops in near freezing weather nor would I be wearing clothes out of the dumpster, suffering from inadequate medical care and malnutrition, nor trying to get my oldest daughter to get her personal affairs straightened out so that she can take her daughter back to raise (I have raised her since her birth 7 years ago) so I can end my life and suffering. The truth is that for every hundred people in desperate need (scattered all over the world) there is one person willing and able to help (who is only in one place) and thousands willing to take advantage, rob and kick you while you are down. Prostitution is a way for people to take advantage of someone in need (we all need food, clothing and shelter); but also, a way for someone in need to provide for themselves. Ideally there would be enough jobs paying living wages where transportation, childcare, clothes and other things are not obstacles to those jobs. But this is not an ideal world. How ironic that we despise the woman who finds prostitution her only avenue of support; yet, have less scorn for those willing to accept her services (as long as she is not underage) and have no anger at all towards a system that does nothing to end the necessity of the option of selling onesself in the first place. All that being said; again, I ask why is it illegal in the first place? Consentual sex is legal yet sex for money is illegal. Who had the right in the first place to decide a moral line and make a law of it?

'Another Outrage,' by Jodie T. Allen

Yes, you are right. Life is never all peaches and cream. But many people want it to be. Even my life as bad as it is is not all bad. I have good moments too. But I found out that I could have more good moments when I stopped running from the ugly truth. When you stop running and turn and face it you find that you survive. And when all you have is survival, facing that ugliness itself dispells the darkness just enough for you be able to find and enjoy moments of life. Living with hunger as my constant companion taught me that as implausible as it sounds no food tastes sweeter than food that you are truely grateful for.
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