Thanks again Lena. I agree that handing out money on the streets is not wise. As for government agencies with the exception of the Welfares (which are no longer enough in today’s economy) it’s mostly a whole lot of nothing. I am so often being told that there are lots of social service agencies in my local phone book. I must be mishandling all those helps. They are wrong. By the time I get through the five thousand plus reasons why I (and therefore everone else in my economic class) ‘do not qualify’, the ‘I have no idea why they told you to come here’s, the ’we are currently (which is every time I or anyone else calls) out of funds, and finally the ‘your income is too low’s I am almost right back where I started. I said almost because at that point hours, days, months or years have passed and clothes have been outgrown or worn out, furniture dilapidated or the car died. Life forgot to stand still until I could get the things we needed. Winter’s throwing out feelers and here I am still wearing flip flops. Not because I want to but because the alternative is barefeet which is not allowed in places of business. As for Salvation Army, it is my sincere wish that they be privately investigated. Their Christmas program (which I will not be applying for even though at this point it may be at best as last year popcorn for dinner. I can not even begin to figure out gifts) is a cruel joke if you knew what the person signed up gets after seeing how much people trying to help put in their bins at the malls. Every year their kettle campaign brings in more money than the last. Not a dime of that goes for Christmas. Ask them, they will tell you. It goes for all their ‘other’ programs throughout the year. But the kettle campaign is designed so that people assume that it goes for Christmas. I asked them the second to last time I ever went to them for help at Christmas and got to choose between a few items that were obviously all dolloar store donations. When you see 15 hockey sticks, 10 mini, mini radios, and 25 mini cassette player walkmans on a table to pick one item for and you shop the dollar store regularily you know what’s going on. At the last stop you are handed a mini school pencil sharpener, two well used books and what might pass for half a roll of Easter wrapping paper all you can do is cry. What are those ‘other’ programs? Good question. United Way? I do not have a clue what they do. I only know of one thing. They say no very well. I do not know anyone who has ever gotten help through them. Sure lots of ‘agencies’ get money from the United Way’. But people needing help No, noone I ever met.

I think the best way is to help people one on one. But we need to pick those people carefully. I fully expect anyone who may wish to help me  to investigate me. Drop in unexpected. Met me without me knowing who they are. I do not have a problem with that. I want to know that what I give is truely needed. I want to know that it will be used the way it is meant to be used. Beyond that I do not judge. Who am I to decide who is worthy? That does not matter. I can give an apple to a man begging on the streets. He can’t drink or smoke that. And yes it is aweful to be without resources or family support. I have no family to turn to. I am the end of the line. My children look to me. I look to noone. My mother is not dead. She just thinks of me as.. I guess you could say a waste. She does not beleive in Welfare, not for any reason. Not even disability. I am trying so hard to get people to undestand that it is not just education that will lift people out of poverty. I am educated. It’s resources. I have enough art done for a show. I do not have the resources to frame it for safe hanging, showing, etc. I have not the resources to get it to galleries. To do anything to market it. No matter how good an artist I am without resources noone outside of my children will ever see it.  I write the most amazing poetry. I finished my first book over ten years ago. Only my children have read any of it. Resources. I wish I could shout that from every roof top in the world. Resourses. God has no hands but our hands. Your hands, my hands, everyone’s hands. Those are the hands He uses to provide the resources necessary to lift one from the dungeons of survival into the sweet pure bright light of life.    

Thanks Lena, Yes I do hope it is for the good of the homeless or needy. I have unfortunately found out in my own search for help that many, many agencies "take donations" but "do not give handouts" or they "do not help individuals". What this means is that the monies go to the "charites", "agencies", "programs", etc. but it does not come back out the other end, to the ‘individuals’ in need. So if they do not really get this money to the needy then this company will only be one in a very long line that is profiting off of the "cause" of the poor.

It for this reason that I feel so strongly about people helping others one on one themselves. When I give my granddaughter’s outgrown clothes to the neighbor girls whose mother is also poor I know those clothes got to someone who needs them at the only price they could afford. "Free".

If I could add my opion although I in no means know what goes on in the minds of others, I can only go off of my own experiences of people’s reactions to me, I think I understand why the doll is presented as is.

There seems to be an unspoken standard in this country. When people see the homeless in other countries or off in the hazy unexperienced reality of a TV screen in the aweful (honest) conditions that you spoke of (i.e. tattered clothing, shopping carts of ragged belongings mixed with purloined empty soda cans, etc. they are moved to pity at worst (pity is useless to the needy as pity does nothing to help) and compassion at best (compassion does not walk away without first doing what she/he can to help). But faced with it here in their own country they become defensive, angry or down right refuse to beleive that such could happen to someone through no or unavoidable fault of their own. The thing of it is that two things happen when confronted with such a situation and you realize that the only way that person can rise to a higher status is with help (and that means YOU). First you must the make a decision to help or not. But how can you justify walking away without doing anything at all? You have to make peace with yourself for choosing no action. Th easiest way to do that is to make it the needy person’s fault so that they become unworthy of help. Because of their feelings of guilt at not helping they are unable to realize that it is OK to choose not to help. Noone can help everyone. We must all make our choices. There is no wrong in that. But they not realizing that choose to make the needy individual at that moment the bad guy, undeserving of any kindness. Some even dupe themselves into beleiving that the "tough love" of doing nothing is best for that peson in need.

But when that same person who ‘hated’ the tattered person comes across someone clean, presentable, etc. that declares a need then That person they can feel compassion for. Maybe because they know that if they are unable to help that the needy person is still not so baddly off that the ‘no’ choice will truely be hurtful in that same day. So there is ‘time’. They can walk away knowing that their inaction will not prolong someone elses suffering.

I came in here nearly two years ago desperately seeking help for me and my family. Everyday that I have not gotten that help the repercussions have been devestating. We are still being slowly, torturously, essentially nothinged to death. But I learned a huge lesson. Over time the new people I came across and even a few previous ones had vastly different reactions to me. At first I was responded to with great hostility and told repeatedly that I deserved no help, it would not be forth coming and even that that was the best thing for me and my family. Though I have still not received help I am often now treated with respect, kindness and as an intelligent human being worthy of conversing with. (People have no idea how much that last one listed has meant to me.) What am I doing different? When I first came in here I simply laid out my story. I presented my situation as it is. I listed our needs and then also stated what I can and can not do to help myself. I was ripped to peices. It was so devestating I nearly ended my life at that point. Now I comment on topics using my own experiences as to why I choose the positions I choose. Never again have I laid out my whole situation. I only put out small peices. I try as little as possible to say that I need help. So now even though I am slowly fading away I am at least treated with kindness and respect. Also people have no problem now that they have no clue just how bad it truely is for us saying I wish I could help. If I could I would and then not helping. They are not angry at me anymore for doing nothing. And they are able to beleive me when I tell them I am grateful enough for their desire to help and well wishes. Which I truely am. I myself help others as much as I can. But I too can not do everything and must pick and choose. Though I have found two things that I can always do. I can smile. I can offer kindness. I am a smile and compliment Millionaire.

So I think that doll is presented as is in the hopes that homelessness will somehow become more "presentable" and more people will help. Unfortunately they are wrong. As I brushed across earlier it is the people of higher levels (not completely homeless wearing rags or clothes out of the dumpster - like I am) that will get more help. Just like with large scale programs like Extreme Homemake over and Shark Tank (which gave me a glimmer of hope until I saw the first show) or even American Idol or America’s Got Talent which two of my children could use a shot at but can not afford to get to the auditions, muchless if choosen to move on to the even further away locations or weeks of not working while ‘following their dreams’. Many people see these all as helps for the poor that would never have a chance otherwise. We see it as helps for the well off. It’s just amazing how different things look from a different financial perspective. Maybe these doll makers will at least donate 100% of the profits to helping the homeless. It’s something. 

Thanks Lynn. My self esteem is to the point now that I tell people that I am on Welfare even though I could right off the bat upgrade my status by telling them I am disabled and on SSI. If they choose to judge me according to the Welfare stereotype then that’s their loss. I may loss out on help with ‘things’ i.e. clothes, shoes, furniture, etc., etc.; but, they lose out on knowing a loving, kind, intelligent, incredibly talented, creative, generous woman. So their loss is the greater. I am curently a student of Self realization Fellowship started in california in the 1920’s by Paramanhansa Yogananda. I try to meditate each morning. And I still dream of finding a financial business partner to help me get my career started. Actually I am hoping that it will be a long term relatinship with them handling all the press, gallery contacts, etc. I am an artist. I have no head for business. I imagine I would pay them in sales percentages and possibly flat fees as well. I am not ignorant to the fact that they would need to invest a sum possibly substantial at first to get me started. And that is a huge risk since if the endevour fails then I would never be able to pay them back. I also know that such ‘investments’ happen regularly in the music industry when a new talent is ‘discovered’. I beleive it may also happen in modelling, acting, sports and other industries as well. I am also looking forward to a very, very long overdue vacation. In the meantime I am working on surviving. It just hasn’t been going well is all. My ‘resources’ are forcing me to severely overwork an abused body and ignore ‘difficulties’ that are in bad need of medical care. The only question is will I manage to survive long enough. All I can do is my best. If I do not make it then I will have to try again in the next lifetime I suppose. Have a wonderful day, Lynn.

Oh thank you so much C jay. I am not diabetic. Just very malnourished (sad but true). LOL. Loop at it this way. Our spines are the centers our our bodies. Everything (bones, muscles, nerves) runs off from there or is someother way inteconnected with it. When the spine shifts far enough out of place other bones can become dislocated as a result. My back has been messed up for so long and I out of necessity have continued to live as if it is not that my right arm, several ribs and my left leg are displaced as a result. The right leg is currently becoming dislocated too. As a result my leg and foot bones are not where they belong either. I know what I really need is a chiropractor and someone to help out while I recupperate. In a perfect world maybe. But I do not have those options. So instead I discovered several years ago that I could manage with square toed cowboyboots. They worked because they have extra room above the feet. They cost me $100.00. Unfortunately I found out this afternoon that they are too cheap. They can not be resoled. The soles are glued not stitched on. And here I thought I had a good top of the line shoe at $100.00. LOL. At least they were leather. For some reason that I have never been able to figure out my feet do not like synthetic leather.  So as you can see I am not only putting the cart before the horse but tying it to the rear and pulling the cart myself. Can’t help it. That’s what I have to work with. I can wear moccasin type shoes if they are well lined and roomy. I have a pair of cheap house slipper ones and they are fine at home.  Depending on the shoe I wear a 7, 7 1/2, or 8. I am going to make an appointment with a podiatrist if I can. Maybe there is something they can do. I just worry that some kind of insert might make the back problem worse. Oh, well I guess there is always more pain killers. I already take 60 mg of morphine a day for the fibromyalgia and several thousand mgs of ibuprofen and acetomenaphen a day to for the migraines. Yes the doctor found  that Imatrex shots worked for me; but, as usual Medicaid refused to approve them. As I have been saying our Welfare-Medical system has two faces. A yes we do public face. And a no we don’t receiptient face. Help is greatly appreciated. Thanks. 

When I was in 5th grade my best friend was black. We were inseperable in school. But I could never invite her over because my mother hated blacks. She had grown up in segregated Germany. When 6th grade started I looked forward to seeing my friend. One day weeks later I finally saw her. She was walking down one of the concrete walkways between buildings with two other black girls. The sidewalk was perfectly sized for us to walk up to three abreast. To step onto the grass was to be sent to the principal’s office. Many blacks there would force single whites off of the sidwalk. There was much animosity between the blacks and whites there at that time. But this was my friend. I was so elated to finally see her. I was forced off the sidewalk. Not once did her face soften or show a hint of joy at our meeting. Not a word was spoken. We never spoke to each other again. I never forgot that day. My mother had tried to make me prejudiced. It made no sense to me. I guess her mother had finally been successful. To this day I cannot judge a person based soley on their race, religion. socio-economic class, sexual preferences or any other "label".  Since I fell at work physically disabling me then left an abusive husband further financially crippling myself I have been for the most part treated as garbage and worse. There is such a hatred for those on "Welfare". Because of my "Welfare" I cannot even find anyone willing to see me and what I can do and therefore help me to get my artistic career out of the obscure poverty of my apartment and into the galleries and public where everyone all around could be blessed by it. I ask for business help and time again I get told that I do not deserve to be given money. (Which by the way is the one thing I do not want.) My "Welfare" label basically doomed my family into an invisible and voiceless survival. Now raising my granddaughter things are even worse.

I do not see "class". I see women, men, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. I see people. To me it is class that is invisible and voiceless.

You mentioned cutting costs without denying necessary services to those in need. I am receiving SSI due to physical disabitilies. Yet my greatest cripplers are my cash, medical and food benefits. My Medicaid is already denying necessary services. The weather is turning cold and I do not even have a pair of shoes other than flip flops to wear because my feet are so twisted that only square toed cowboy boots work for me. But I have had mine for several years and they are so walked down that the hollows of the heels are showing and excruciating to walk in now. I have not the money to resole them, replace them or what is really needed go to a chiropractor. Sure a chiropractor is covered after I pay the initial x-ray or exam fee which of course I can not.

Truth be told my quality of care is such now that if I were not responsible for another life (I am raising my granddaughter) I would not bother to live a single day more. No one should have to suffer extreme pain and fatigue 24/7 for over two decades as I have courtesy of Medicaid. As it is I am considering giving up my granddaughter in a couple months because she deserves a parent that can care for her not the other way around. Her life is passing her by just as happened to my other children. And I deserve to have dreams and accomplishments too.

My fear for America is that the new health care Obama wants to give America will be too much like Medicaid. I know that is not what he wants. He just doesn’t know.

The Random House Dictionary of the English Language: 4. on welfare receiving financial aid from the government or from a private organization because of hardship and need.

Therefore any money received for the purpose of survival is considered welfare. People prefer to seperate Welfare from Social Security, SSD, and SSI because Welfare is considered an unearned and meanly gained income, while the other three are considered earned and therefore acceptable. True there are people who are lazy, unambitious and financially uneducated enough to be content with Welfare. But many women on Welfare are domestic violence refugees of which financial abuse is always a part of  to keep the woman from having the means to leave. My husband was abusive. Though I stayed as long as I was the only one abused because I knew the price of accepting Welare was much higher than what he could dish out. Now my children was a different story. The minute I knew he was laying a hand on my child (sexually abusing her) I was out the door. I would face a whole society of abusers to keep my children safe. And so I have. Most people are anything but kind to women on Welfare. Some women on Welfare are disabled but unable to get to the doctor to get the proof needed to qualify for SSD or SSI. I also faced that issue when I left my husband.  

So you see it is not welfare that is defined wrongly; rather, it is the individual people on it that are seen not as the individuals they are and treated accordingly. Welfare people are judged as a bad stereotypical group while the other three groups of people are seen as individuals and gotten to be known first and then judged. I know the person I am because of that I could just tell people that I am disabled and on SSI which would instantly upgrade me in their eyes; but, I prefer to tell them I am on Welfrare. I wish to be judged honestly and I want people to see that not all Welfare people are bad.

Medicaid divides their drugs into classes. The ones classified as easily abused, easily addicted to, very expensive and very narcotic require monthly doctor visits to newly reasses whether or not the perscription is still best for the patient.

As for ‘skimming the books’ it would be best if one lookied at that on a case by case basis. Many times Medicaid refuses to approve the only medication that works fort a person prefering to pay for ones that are of no help instead. It can be hard as a doctor to watch your patient suffer and be unable to help because insurance refuses to do what works. If it were you or your best friend that was suffering and the doctor had to use an ‘approved’ (if not honest) diagnoses to be able to get the medicines that actually helped wouldn’t you be grateful then?

Medicaid is rarely inrested in providing a ‘quality’ life. If the pain, fatigue, displaced body parts, etc. are livable according to Medicaids standards then they are not going to pay for the medicines. How can someone honestly rate someone else’s pain?

If I were not responsible for another life (I am raising my granddaughter) I would not be alive right now. Noone and I mean noone should have to suffer 24/7 for decades with no end in sight as I am doing compliments of Medicaid. I have less than zero quality of life. I can not even wear closed toed shoes (with the exception of square toed cowboy boots because of the extra room above the feet) because of my twisted feet due to displaced legs from a very out of place back. My boots arenow walked down to the hollowness of the heels. Going o be a very cold winter.