C A Rose, I was in a car wreck when I was seventeen where a drunk person cut us (I was not in the front middle of the car) off on the way home from work one day. Ayear later I started suffering severe chronic back pain as a result of the whiplash from that accident. I have lived with that pain ever since. When I was five moinths pregnant with my son I fell at work. Several months later I began having severe pain in my left hip. At times that leg wouyld collapse out from under me without warning and I walked with a pronounced limp for a year. It happened one day when I was going upstairs with my then eight month old son. I instinctively moved him to my middle and twisted around to take the fall on my right side thus injuring the right hip. It took me ten years before I was finally diagnosed with extreme Fibromyalgia and severe Fatigue Syndrome. I was told with both that I had the the most extreme versions of them. I am very sceptical with the Fibromyalgia as I have never had a period of remission instead I just steadily deterioted for twenty years straight. By changing my diet I have been able to reduce the amount of pain killers that I need to function. As to what landed me in the Welfare system: Afew years after my accident I realized I needed to leave my abusive husband. I did not leave him because he abused me. I knew anything he did to me would never be as bad as being on Welfare where I would have to suffer the abuse of thousands of strangers. I would not be able to make a single friend that was not in the same situation as me. I would be despised and hated by a general public that would only see the stigmatized me and never the real me. I left because I realized he was sexually abusing my six year old daughter. For that, I was willing to pay the price of Welfare. There I struggled for ten years with no car, limited bus access and no child care to get to a doctor that could tell me what was wrong with my body. But, I found out that getting that diagnosis and moving over to SSi (since I had missed the window to qualify for Social Security) made no difference everything stayed pretty much the same. Yes, I got a little more cash; but, to offset the extra cash my food stamps were cut. So now I could slightly better afford to put a roof over my children’s heads and clothes on their backs; but, only at the expense of going hungry. And ever since I get an annual SSI raise and an annual Food Stamp cut. I understand your confusion about me not being able to maintain any postion for any specified lenght of time. However with what I do I have the freedom to change positions as needed. That is what makes my talent extra special. It’s as if God knew that one day I would need a way to support my family without the usual constraints of the standard nine to five where one usually sits or stands in place for hours on end. When sitting becomes too painful I can work standing. I do not work laying down. For some reason that I do not understand laying down brings the pain on with a vengence. I guess that’s why I’m so tired all the time. LOL. Photography is great because I am rarely in any position for more than a few seconds at a time. Also since sometimes it is impossible to work at anything for an hour or longer, I have the ability to work after hours so to speak. I can work throught the day which can allow me to put in even more than the average eight hour day. I do use a cane. But I use it as little as possible when at home. I accept health. Illness just nips at my ankles. I keep the cane with me in public though since I can feel fine one minute (with the aid of pain killers otherwise the pain never ever goes away) and within seconds the pain can come on so fast that my legs are buckling under me. It is too embarrassing to be caught crawling out in public. At home there is noone else besides my children to see that. Infact I refused to buy a cane at all until it got to the point that I could no longer get up and down stairs without crawling. I am not looking for a small business loan. I do not want a single dime handed to me personally. I would not know where to begin. Any money spent in getting me going I wish to be handled by who ever is helping me. And, I will gratefully pay back every single dime spent on me plus interest first. I think the first thing I need is for galleries to know that my work exists. Then I need them to see it. I do have a few peices up loaded on Redbubble. It is mostly photography uploaded because I do not have a scanner for my art. I have photographed a few peices of art; but, photos tend to slightly yellow out the white backgrounds and it is difficult to see that the pointilisms picture are made of of thousands if not millions of dots. The photo used as my avatar here is one of my pointilism pictures.I also uploaded a few poems but again not many. I worry about someone else taking them. You are right. There are no free lunches. However I aim to soon change that tradition here in America. As Jesus understood, a person must be physically fed before they can be spiritually fed. And sometimes the only way someone is going to eat is if someone else feeds them. I aim to be a feeder of people in the physical world so they will be fed and ready to receive the food of the spiritual world. So to sum it up. I can work around my body’s obstacle course. It’s the financial obstacle course that has left me in the same rut that just wears deeper and deeper with each passing year as everything except my income keeps going up in price. This is why I refer to myself as more financially disabled than physically disabled.

I’ve been taught how to fish. However; with only my bare hands, the fish are few and far between. Many a person has starved living off of their bare hands. Why is it that one will readily send money to aid someone they will never meet in some third world country with no questions asked while we put our fellow Americans through the third degree? Why are we more willing to beleive a stranger from three thousand miles away than our neighbor three hundred miles away? Why do we lovingly send fishing rods to third world countries while we tell our American neighbors to get off their lazy butts and use their bare hands (gratefully at that) Many an American has been Nothinged to death because noone helped; because, after all supposedly everyone else was already helping. Also if one man’s treasure is another’s trash then why is it that I am the one being expected to take out the trash! I am busy enough having to take life the long way around. Doing things the old fashioned way is extremely time consuming. How many hours would you spend in putting food on the table for your family everyday if you had to walk 2 miles or more round trip and only one hand was free to carry the groceries. I’ve bought far more groceries on foot than by car. The greatest invention in my book is the washing machine; because, I do know how many hours it takes to hand wash for a family of four. Working ten hour days it took two days and 3-6 blisters weekly. Thankfully I’ve had a good washer for three years now and the calluses are mostly gone now. I love my car too. I also walk a lot. Gas is not free nor is upkeep. As great as she is she is not up to anything beyond local. Contrary to belief Survival is hard work.

How can you continue to miss the boat? 1: He asksed that the socks be given to someone who could use them. Why should he be responsible for finding someone else. 2. It’s not aboput “give me what I want”. It’s give me what I NEED”. 3. Loading people up with what they do not need is victimizing. Refusing to accept useless stuff is called Taking a Stand. You have issues. What if people started directing you to resources that had nothing to do with what you needed. Would you fill your house with pantry food you wouldn’t even eat? Or would you prefer to leave it for someone who would eat it? How would you like it if you got put down for wanting it to go to someone who could use it. Or I suppose you would accept it, put Free gas in your car, spend the day driving around and knocking on doors looking for someone to give it to since you have all the time in the world. Then you would have them fill out a ten page questionaire so you could decide if they deserved it or not. What if someone did that to you? All I asked for was a way off the system NOT how to milk it for more. I wish you people would make up your minds. You complain about the people on Welfare (by the way if you are old enough to get Social Security then you are on Welfare); but, when one comes along and says hey instead of information on how to get more, Please tell me how to get off, you rip them apart.

Once there was a man who really wanted to help a homeless person. He searched through his town until he found one. He approached the man and said, “I am here to help you, what do you need?” The homeless man said, “That’s great! Thank You. I have everything I need, except for a hat. My ears get so cold I can barely stand it.” The would be benefactor replied, “I don’t have any hats; but, I have socks. They are good, thick and warm. Only three people owned them before now. This is what you need here take them.” The homeless man responded grateful for the offer but heavy hearted, “No Thank You. I appreciate your offer; however, I do not need them. I already have a pair on. I can not fit into another pair and still put on my shoes. My backpack is full to bursting. I can not cram another thing into it. Please give the socks to someone else. It will do my heart good to know that someone else has been helped. If you can direct me to someone who can give me a hat I would be eternally grateful to you for that kindness of information.” The would be benefactor bristled with self justified anger. How dare this man turn him down. Who did this ingrate think he was to spurn his generous offer of help. Here he was begging for help and he turns him down! Infuriated he shouted at the poor homeless man. “How dare you cry ‘Poor me.’ (Never mind that this is not what he had said.) You play your victim games and then refuse the help offered you. All you did was make excuses. Heck you’re probably not even homeless.” Turning on his heels he walked away thinking of all the friends he could call up and complain to (as if he was the one victimized). Meanwhile the homeless man afraid of another berating from another well meaning person went off and hid in a dark alley (Because, this was not the first time or even the hundreth time this had happened. In all of his homeless years noone had ever given him a hat, most of the time because they assumed that surely someone else was already helping him. Sometimes they thought he was lying, other times they thought they knew better than him what he needed, though how they could think this without having ever lived in his shoes he could not understand. But in the end the only thing that counted was the result. He did not have a hat.). Shortly after a viscious blizzard blew through town. As a result of having no hat (even though he tried to tie rags around his head) he contracted pnuemonia and died. When his body was found and reported on the news the would be benefactor full of pride quickly reached for the phone to call his friends and rant about how it was the homless man’s own fault. If only that man had accepted the socks then all would have been well. For the next week he spent all his free time on the phone listening to his friends pat him on the back for his heroic efforts to help an ungrateful jerk who got what he deserved. As for the socks, they still occupy space in his dresser drawer to remind him of how kind and giving a person he is.

An On line writing class won’t help you just yet. What’s better is to go to the library and check out the Hooked On Phonics series. Dyslexics have a difficult time learning to read and spell because the phonetic part of the brain is not functioning up to full capacity. However dyslexics often learn to read because their comprehension part of the brain functions more than normally to make up for the phonetic part. So basically you have to go back and drill the rules of phonics into yourself. This is actually the proper way to learn anyway. The whole English language should not boil down to memorization anyway. Then you work on memorizing the handful of words left that do not follow the rules of phonics. I found this out after years and years of trying to help my own daughter who tested at way above average intelligence and yet on paper mispells most four letter words. She too gave up on high school. But she is working hard to get her GED now. You can do it too. And because you will have to work so hard using repitition to commit phonetics to your brain, basically building up that part of the brain you can use your learning time to work with your son and share the love of books. Books will open a whole world to him regardless of how this one may see him. If you have to be attached at the hip what better way to spend it then learning. Another thing; if spelling, punctution, and other basic formation rules are the only things messing up your ability to write then that is doable. There are people in the writing business that handle that part of the book process, they proof read and edit. You could also take on a partner in putting your book together. You do the research and handle the creativity needed to start the raw book. Then have someone else type it with all of the correct spellings, sentence structures, etc. I hope this helps. I understand what it is like to be so poor that you don’t qualify for or do not have the resources to access most helps. So I hope you have a way to the library. If not check with a local elementary school. I do not know where you live but where I live there is one in walking distance just about anywhere you can live in this town. They might be able to loan you a set or let you use their set there or get it some other way. I truely hope this helps. I came to this site looking for help myself so I am truely glad to have something to offer to someone else. Good luck. I know you can do it! :)

In the Resources category in both the world and state sections it would be helpful if the resources were split into two kinds. First the ones more commonly known: charities, organizations, agencies, mentorships, etc. whose running and or fundings are government or state supplied. Second: private organizations, agencies, helps, mentorships, etc. It is this second category that makes the biggest differences in peoples lives. The first category is about survival, anonymous people begging for handouts. The first is where dreams, hopes, and sometimes even careers are brought back to life. I live in an area where the second category is bare and every time I hear of some organization, individual, etc. helping kids, families, homeless, etc. with something other than survival, something that brings a quality to their lives I am both elated for those that benefitted and also sad for my own family that after two decades we are still just struggling to survive with no one bringing a light in our direction, yet. Maybe too if those who so want to help could see in writing how unbalanced those helps are dispersed throughout our country, then maybe, just maybe some may consider giving their help where little to none is already available.

I am appalled at how ruthless some women are. If you can not or will not help then all you have to do is remain silent. I would never even know you exist and you would not feel the need to attack me to justify your feelings of guilt. I came to this site after months of seaching because after reading the description of its goals I was under the impression that it was about helping people with needs hook up with people who could help them. I though that only two kinds of people would write in here. Those with a need and those looking to fill a need. It seems that there is a third group on here as well. But, I still beleive the this site was built for the purpose of meeting up needs with need fillers. I beleive the hearts of those building this site was to get more resources out there. After all why should the enormously rich and famous be the only ones to help. Even I have on occassion bought a value meal for a homeless person or given them the last few dollars and change out of my pocket. No matter how poor we all are capable of giving something, if only a smile or a kind word. I consider myself in many ways a million or even billionaire. I am never short on smiles, kind words, words of encouragement and random small acts of kindness. If nothing else I would never go on a site and berate someone for reaching out for help the way they knew how. I would either wish them well or just say nothing at all. I sincerely wish that those of you who have nothing good to say would do the same. I beleive that no shame lies with me. I have conducted myself as graciously and professionally as possible. I thought that people would be elated that someone would want off the system rather than advice on how to milk it for more. Yes I asked for a gallery to show my work; but, it is up to me to produce it. And though someone else would have to pay for the framing, printing, portfolio(s), etc. I would gladly pay back every penny spent plus consultation, ground work and other fees and more. I never led anyone to beleive anything otherwise. As for the money invested if I were a flop, I do not think anyone would invest that kind of money in me if they did not beleive that it would sell. They say there is only six degrees of difference between a person and the person they are in need of finding. At this point with the responses I have received in here that six degrees has not held true for me. And as I said if I am not good enough then I can live with that and I would be exstactic to hear of any work that I can do that is within the boundaries of my disabilities (which are: I can not stand, sit or walk for any specified lenght of time. I can rarely squat and never for more than a few seconds. Getting up from the floor usually requires a sturdy peice of furniture to pull myself up. It changes continuously. I also have a low tolerance to artificial cold. For some reason air conditioning makes me extremely stiff, another reason why I rarely run mine.) If there is something where those challanges are not too much of a difficulty and I would make enough to support myself and granddaughter (not be working homeless) Then that is half the battle. Also if transportation and child care are not are not an issue and no special training or a wide base of friends (for people to sell to, etc. ) is not need then I would have nothing holding me back from doing that. Then if I said no then you would be justified in berating and belittling me. However I do no not think there is a darn thing wrong with wanting the American Dream, which usually includes following one’s passions. All I am asking is at best a shot at that. If not then a job that I can do that will support my family without supplimenting it with any aid from the system. I would also gladly challange anyone to shadow me, meet me, etc. without me knowing who you truely are or your motivation for doing that and then pass your judgement on me. I have nothing to hide. I am who I am. I think you will be quite surprised to find that I am loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, giving, intelligent, humorous, open minded, non-predijuced, creative, bright, full of ideas, passionate, a lover of All living things (even the ones that scare me like spiders), a life long student of all things, spiritual and many more wonderful things. Please. please, I exhort you to in the future to walk a mile, better yet ten miles in someone else’s shoes before you publically or privately pass harsh judgement. Good day to you all. I wish only the best for all. (Therefore I do not consider anyone no matter how cruel as an enemy. I have no enemies. Not from my end. I wish no ill to anyone.) Shalom :)

Mrs. Stewert, sorry I forgot to clear one more thing up. I am not homeless. My daughter is. Staying with someone else for no other reason then to not sleep under the stars is homelessness. So yes all of my children are homeless. The reason why the numbers on homeless women are so much lower then men is because they do not count all the women trading cooking, house cleaning and usually sex for a roof over their heads. But at any time the benefactor has the option of throwing them out on their feet without a moment’s notice. That is homeless. That is no different from staying in a designated homeless shelter (except for the sex). Again Peace.

To Mrs. Stewart, I fear you can not begin tto imagine what it is like to be trpped in such a situation that survival alone is possible with great skill but getting out of the trap is only possible with help. First: The bus stop is between 1 and 11/2 to 2 miles from my apartment. I have two hands. One to hold the cane the other for my grand daughter when needed such as crossing streets. There is a special transit bus for disabled but it is even more expensive than the regular bus which is $5.00 roundtrip ( not including transfers if needed) for my granddaughter and me combined. And that is just one trip and again only two hands. Again this if it had been available (either bus) is more expensive than driving. Non of my children are on a bus line either. It is especially rare that I get to see my son since he lives in Omaha. The CB buses do not run nearly as often here as in Omaha and the route is extremely limited. Second: You named food pantries in Omaha. I live in Council Bluffs. I do not qualify for aides from Omaha. And again I must avoid the SAD(Standard American Diet) if I wish to be awake most of the day. Third: If the Red Cross helps with utilities here in Council Bluffs then it must be a rare thing as I have been turned down by them several times. Third: As unbeleivable as it seem my daughter with dyslexia and I experienced a horrible situation that lead to her giving up hope of ever graduating. I tried my best to advocate for her. my daughter although dyslexic, ADHD, and bi-polar is well above average intelligence. In our case it only made things worse as many teachers were convinced that she was deliberately doing poorly. Afterall how could a person not be able to correctly spell the same word on paper as they could out loud. It took me years to understand that myself. Maybe if I had understood when she was in first or second grade it might have helped. As it was I did not begin to get it until she was almost out of the sixth grade. There are many good schools and teachers; but, there are also many that are not. We were not so lucky. Fourth: Pertaining my photography you already unknowningly answered your own question. My resources are so limited that I only go beyond my own neighborhood to shop. That is why all of the people pictures are of my own family and the other pictures are limited to what I find in my neighborhood. I too have been concerned that the lack of variety in my photography may go against me. Fifth: You have a point about the message boards; however I feel that I have adequate enough work for one or more showings, to be able to slow down some. Now I am trying to also devote time to the business end of getting a career going the only way I can think of since I am working through a resource obstacle course. Fifth: Pertaining to the pregnant daughter it is bull. She was stupid, I agree. However what is done is done and no amount of blaming, name calling, etc. can cahnge it. She is working hard so that she can hopefully raise this one. Without reliable transportation she even walks to work if necessary and at between four or five miles that is saying a lot. After what I have been through she will not accept welfare. That is why I have her first child. Sixth I am not begging for sympathy. I am begging for action. I am begging for concrete resources. If I could supply them myself I would not be here. I would not even bother with a computer at all. I have spent years of my life walking miles to put food on the table. clothes on my children’s backs in every kind of weather imaginable. I have calluses from hand washing load after load of laundry for months at a time. My back sounds like a box of rice crispies. And all this comes with the price of hearing countless times, how lazy I am. I am trying with all of my heart, soul and might to do everything I can think of to help myself. How ironic it is that someone should have to fight so hard for the right to support themselves. Peace.

Ms. Stewart, First no you are not at all on my shit list. Infact Iam grateful to your letter as it is so plainly written that I understand exactly what it is that you do not understand about me and my situation. First I was sleeping 20-22 hours a day until I went to a livng foods diet. I can not do the diet a hundred percent so I now sleep 10-14 hours. Second, when I said I was willing to relocate I was referring to the fact that I would be willing to relocate if necessary to advance my career regardless of where that might be. Third. There are food pantries here; but, none of them give out fresh produce, it is all canned and boxed or processed in some other way. To go back to eating those foods is to go back to sleeping my days away. As for food stamps I get approx $6.00 a day for thee of us. At $2.00 and a few cents per person per day for three meals, drinks (I only buy water no pop, koolaid, gatorade, etc.), snacks?, etc. it is impossible to accomplish . Also, accessing food pantries or meal sites would require transportation which is another issue. I have learned that often it takes one resource to access another resource. And lastly here there is such a need for pantry help that families can only access one pantry (state, government or church) a month and the food given will only cover 2-4 days. Fourth. The No Child Left Behind Act is a cruel joke. Her optoins were to be put into remedial classes whose classes were barely third grade level (Which she actually did try off and on for years but her teachers were just as frustrated as her because it was obvious that she was way too smart and that remediation was not the answer), or just struggle along. I had to switch her from her local high school to an alternative school because the school handled the problem by humiliating and punishing her on a continual basis. She was in detention repeatedly for forgetting her agenda book. That did not happen to her classmates. The one class that she excelled in she was banned from getting practice with the public performances. Ironically swing chior and chior are co-curricular not extra-curricular classes. That humiliation caused her to drop the classes. School became about survival not getting an education for her. Now that she is 18 and without a child there are no services for her. The reality is that many so-called resources, agencies, laws, etc. are in name only. All they do is pay lip service to pacify the caring but uneducated public. Fifth. Living with someone who wants you out does make you homeless. You are staying with them out of their kindness and are subject to their rules and whims. Nothing besides your personal possessions is your own. That is homelessness. Being someone’s boyfriend does not necessarily mean wanting to live together. As for her being pregnant. Getting birth control would imply transportation. I agree that it’s stupid that she is pregnant. But what is done is done and can not be undone. Yes she is in no positionj to have another child; but considering that one is with me and the other was taken from her using the most reprehensible of means it is extremely important to her (and me) that she be given the opportunity to raise thise one. The fact that her boyfriend has her living in his place to keep her from sleeping literally in the streets is a duress that is not conducive to a good relationship. Sixth. My adult children are unable to help me with childcare because none of them have a car nor are they in walking distance. All of them are staying with someone else trying to get on their feet. Gone are the days when one can support themselves on a low paying job. I have a car but my gas is so rationed that I can not transport my children for any need. Seventh. I know of no other employment that my body is suited to and that I am trained for that I can do. I not only live with fatigue ; but also, with excruciating pain 24-7. I can neither sit or stand for long periods of time. I can only walk with the aid of pain killers. Some movements such as squatting or walking stairs are at times impossible. That is why I am blessed with being talented in the arts, because I can mostly work around my physical difficulties. Eigth. Starving artist shows require upfront money which is impossible for me to raise with any amount of planning. Not only is there the booth cost ;but, also my pictures if photos would need to be printed up (8x10 or larger not just 4x6s) and matted or framed and my art also would need to be matted at the least if not also framed. If I am not good enough as a poet, artist or photographer then I can live with that and just be grateful to my country for supporting me and my family. However, if I am good enough then I would like to have the opportunity to make a living at it. I would like to be a contributing tax payer. I would like for the taxes that I’d pay to help pay for someone else to survive. I too wish to get up and move forward on my own. Peace. :)

OK Ms. Rose. For my art: 1. I need someone willing to put on a show of my works. 2. I need a way to get my works and myself to that person/place. 3. I need a portfolio to show my works in. For my photography 1. I need asomeone willing to put on a show of my works. 2. I need a way to get my works and myself to that person/place. 3. I need my pictures printed and a portfolio to show them in. For my poetry book. 1. I need a publisher willing to see my work or an agent willing to represent me. 2. I need a way to print my manuscript. I only have one hard copy of my first book. The other two in progress are totally hand written. 3. I need a way to get my book to the publisher or agent. Although I only listed the top three in each feild there are more issues that would need to be addressed in each area (i.e. child care during a show if one happened. Also childcare to meet with the galleries/ people, etc.). I have talked to every single agency that has anything at all to do with helping low income/disabled people/single mothers. That accompluished nothing. I do not know any one in these fields of work. Nor do I know how to find and contact anyone in these feilds without incuring any costs (i.e. phone/long distance charges, finder’s fees, etc.). Nor again do I know how I can show them my work without printing it up or a portfolio. I live in Council Bluffs Iowa. I am always working on a picture, taking photos or writing. I have devoted two decades to finding assistance and am still actively seeking. As far as what would I be willing to give up I do not know what you mean. I do not have a cell phone, cable TV, nintendo, or any game station. I do not eat out. We do not go to movies, nor do I rent them. We do not go to Birthday parties. We have never went on a vacation. We do not go to theme parks, the zoo, pools, or arcades. I never hire a babysitter and go out, Infact if I can not bring my kids then I can not go, anywhere. I have even had to put off surgeries because of that problem. I do not buy makeup. I have no life insurance. I only have liability on my car. I run the air conditioner less then two months out of the year. The heat is never above 65 and when possible I set it at 55. I do not eat enough food to equal one balanced meal a day and no that is not an exageration, not at $6.00 a day total for three of us. I carefully ration postage stamps, using them only for bills. So I never call or write my mother who lives in Germany. I have been working with a bare minimum of art supplies, spending less than a hundred dollars over the past thirty years. So if you know what I have that I can give up please let me know. I have heard 100’s of no’s and am still plugging along. Please let me know if this is not enough information.

Thank you for trying to help me. Unfortunately the suggestions you offered are only hollow ambiguities. I’ve already wasted two decades chasing down the answers to those things. I live in Council Bluffs Iowa and the only resources I have been able to find is the four Welfares, food stamps (enough to be very hungry anyway lol), energy assistance and section eight (for help with partial rent payments). All these things combined are enough to survive on if one is extremely good with their money which I am ;but, not a penny left over to move forwards. This is why I am now trying to find help on the net. So far I have found all kinds of sites dedicated to helping women and children in foreign countries starting from square one. But; I have had no luck in finding that type of aide here in the US. Here just like shows like Extreme Home Makeover and American Idol make painfully obvious no one wants to face or admit that that level of poverty exists here. How often have I wished that I was that kind of poor that I could qualify for their help. There is such a stigma against that kind of poverty here that most are only able to deal with it one of two ways or more often a combination of both. They either vehemently blame the impoverished for their plights or the deny their very existence. In the end the results are the same. For those like me desperately searching to become contibuting members of society absolutely nothing is accomplished. We work our tails off doing everything the hard way (I still calluses from hand washing laundry for a family of four for six months from two years ago.) so at best we can be told to get off our lazy buts and get a job. Does anyone ever wonder why it is that married women, rich women and foster mothers are on the surface judged as good mothers while Welfare mothers on the surface are judged as neglectful? If I traded chuildren with another mother on Welfare and we both got the higher payments of Foster Care instead of Welfare would we then both be superficially judged as wonderful, giving, loving members of society? Already the higher Foster Care subsidy speaks volumes on the government’s position on this question. But, I digress. I have spent thousands of hours by now looking for answers and come up empty. I have heard thousands of no’s and not a single yes, YET. So now I throw myself out there to a million more strangers and yes maybe a million more cracks in the system to fall through. But, I am sick and tired of being at best nobody at worst a scapegoat. People can think what they want in ignorance. But, I aim to educate. My money is Welfare. So What! I am bright, educated, creative, talented, kind, giving, loving, hard working, generous, open-minded, a life long student of life, humurous, enginuitive, vibrant and very, very much ALIVE. Want to know More? Go to www.redbubble.com Blueccs. Now if there is anyone out there with the resources or contacts to help me I appreciate that help. Thank you.

Thank you Ms. Rose, for responding to my missive. I am sure that I did offend you. I was deliberately harsh, taking you to be one of the hoards that has exorted me to go get a job at a Burger King (regardless of the fact that I am disabled or the obvious that even if disability were not an issue I would still be working homeless on minimum wage with children.) and all will be magically well. So I apologize to you. But I also beleive you can understand where I am coming from. If you were at least somewhat abled as I am but had obstacles standing in your way you would want to do everything you could to get off the system. If for no other reason then to make room for others in more pressing need. As I had said I am blessed with talents that are not completely wiped out by my physical difficulties; therefore, I wish to be working and supporting my family myself. I wish to be paying taxes into the system so that others less fortunate can get the help that I am now getting. Also Welfare should only be a stepping stone not a descent into the abyss of nobodyness. We all have something to give. It is just that this worrld does not see the value of some of those things, instead taking them for granted. I also wish to share my creations with the world as I beleive many a home could be greatly blessed by my poetry or art in their living rooms. Because, as I said regardless of the hardships I’ve been through I strongly beleive that as an artist it is my duty to send inspiration, beauty, and love out into the world. Negativities I keep to myself. Only positives should be sent forth. And this big hoopla about being grotesquely negative because that is all one knows (that’s what they grew up with) is a bunch of baloney. If negative is all the experience one has then write, sing, draw, dance, etc. your idea of what the ideal would be. Imagine love, inspiration, beauty, kindness, etc. And when you must write about the harsh realities only do so with the idea of effecting change, and do it with eloquence and grace. Inappropiate terms and slang do not accomplish the task. Yes I am aware that the plea I sent out can be taken as negative. But in that case any call for help can be construed as negative. So I wrote clearly and to the point staying as blandly factual as possible. Because sitting here closeted away from the world when I have so much to share is much more negative and maybe even selfish then actively searching for the help needed and sharing of myself with this world. If you know of any resources that will help me acheive my goal then yes I gladly appreciate the offer. But please keep in mind that if even the smallest amount of finances, transportation, childcare, etc. are needed to access these resources then they are not resources to me. I have to work with what I already have at this time. I do have a small sample of my works online at www.redbubble.com under the name Blueccs. Also I wish to offer you some help as well. I mentioned a living foods diet before. I was almost %100 bedridden when a friend told me about a living foods (also known as a raw foods) diet. Actually it is a lifestyle not just a diet. I now take 1/3 as many pain killers as I use to. And I no longer sleep approximately 20-22 hours a day. It may not be too late for you. Read “The Cure” by Dr. Timothy Brantly. It seems to me that you have nothing left to lose. If nothing else I beleive that you will find that the quality of the time you have left will be greatly improved. That will be the gift of time that you seek to take for yourself. It was that same gift of time that brought me back to the point that now it is only my financial disability that holds me back from taking the world by storm. Hope to meet you on the other side of all the disability fences someday.

To Ms. Rose and Ms. Kitty, I am disappointed in you both. It is people with attitudes like yours that keep people like me from ever acheiving our dreams. Think real hard and I am sure you can remember a time when someone stepped in and helped you do something. Something that you were finding impossible to do by yourself. It does not matter how big or little the task; it may hve been as simple as needing help to open a jar, the point is to remember the feeling. Now imagine if no one had been there to help you. Most of us get more help then we ever realize. We do not even acknowledge the value of that help in our hearts. Only when that help is not there do we feel its importance. It is like our toes. We not not understand the value of each individual toe until one is injured or broken. Then we find out just how hard it is to accomplish the simplist of tasks. Some become down right impossible. I am not an island. I am human and I am not ashamed to admit it. How would you feel if you lost everything due to an injury or illness or worse as the price to get out of an abusive relationship, (or as in my case all three) and instead of finding kindness, compassion and aide from those who can give it, you found only humiliation, anger, indifference, antipathy, rejection, deliberate ignorance and even hatred. Imagine being put on Welfare (there are 4 forms of Welfare: Social Security-which elicits the most respect, SSI, Social Security Disability and Fip-Family Investment Plan) and closted away as the price to pay for injury, illness, abuse or even human error. Imagine having enough to survive in the shadows but not enough to ever come out into the light of day, having to raise your children like that. Imagine having your own children despise you for having to also be the but of society’s anger. Ignorance causes a mountian of grief. I have spent the last twenty years buried under that mountain. Am I really so awful for wishing to come out from under it? For wishing to have what others take for granted? (Yes, a break, a little time for myself, a vacation, a full stomach, up to date clothes, reliable transportation and furniture, etc.) One more point. I never asked for money. I do not want money just blindly handed over to me. I would not know where to begin. Do I get my car fixed first? Frame my art? Print my photos? How big? Which ones? Which galleries should I contact? Which publisher? How? What I asked for was the help to help myself. Yes that is generalized; but only, because I do not know where or how to begin. We all have something that we can give. We are never too poor. For me I am a smile and kindness millionaire. It is better if one can find nothing within themselves to give; not even a simple “Good luck.”, then to remain silent rather than to continue the harm. For twenty years my silence has only servered to keep the public steeped in their ignorance. Now I brave what I have already endured, anger, humiliation, etc. to put forth my plea. As for the Ms. Rose’s and Kitty’s of this world I wish you all the best. May you never have to endure need alone in a world full of people.

Is there anyone out there that is willing to help a family that lives in the Mid-west? I have heard of many, many people (famous celebrities and not) helping families and children in need; but, it is all on the East and West coasts. I am thankful for the SSI and Welfare my family has received over the years. It allowed me to keep us together after I fell at work and could no longer work and then left an abusive husband. But; I am so financially disabled that it has been impossible to get my career in the arts going. I don’t need perfect legs to draw, write poetry or take photographs. Regardless of my closeted life style my work is inspiring, positive, uplifting, enchanting, unique and down right beautiful. I want to share it with the world. Yet things like transportation, frames portfolios, printer, mailing supplies, etc. are beyond my means. The best I have been able to do so far is to upload some of it into www.Redbubble.com under the artist name: Blueccs. Saving money? Where do I start every stick of furniture is dilapidated, my bed to the point of being in danger of collapsing. My grandaughter whom I am raising can not stop growing just so I can put the money into other needs. We go hungry every day. There are no food pantries that help with food for a living foods diet; yet, to eat a standard American diet (SAD) is to be totally bedridden. I would rather be hungry then to go back to that. Yet, as single parent with no one to help I can not be bedridden. My adult children are struggling to survive My son is such a talented singer that her actually made it into the Young Americans several years ago. We had no way to get him to California, much less the other costs needed, i.e. a place to live. A fact unknown to the public is that children on Welfare can work; but, they can not save. The family combined is not allowed over $2,000 in resources cash, savings or assets. A car is an asset. Also if the family has a car it can not blue book at over $1,500. Not a very reliuable car. If the children save their money and the family’s assets top $2,000 The family is kicked off of Welfare until the money is spent down. My oldest daughter is basically homeless and 7 months pregnant. Although she is staying with her boyfriend he wants her out and by September he is shipping out for a year in the military. She works but child support payments that even exceed the Welfare I get for her daughter keep her from making enough to even get a roach infested studio apartment. We both want me to adopt her daughter; but, Legal Aide (legal services for low income people) refused to help us because they are unwilling to help her terminate her rights due to the child support she pays. They are unconcerned about the welfare of the child. Because of my disability I would get Welfare for my grandaughter irregardless of whether or not her mother paid support. So what she pays goes to the state not her daughter. Her daughter does not even get the difference in over-payment. My youngest daughter recently gave up her dreams too. She bright and beautiful; but, dyslexia, in this town made school a nightmare for her Their way of dealing with it was to deny its existence and humilate, punish, and treat her horribly. She finally just gave up and dropped out of school. Her dream was to go into the Peaqce Corps. I am powerless to raise a finger to help any of my children. Like me they have learned that dreams can only be acheive one of two ways. Either you have your own money to invest in the dream or else someone comes along and helps. Here in the Mid-west if you are unable to work there are enough resources to survive if you are very good with your money; but, nothing to move beyond that and thrive. I want so much to support myself. I want to get off the system and help others help themselves. But first I need someone to help me. I finished my first book of poetry ten years ago. I have enough photos (not printed up though) and enough art for a show. Infact because I do not have a portfolio I can no longer show some of my pictures; because no matter how careful I am, some of them are getting ruined from rubbing together. Please would someone consider helping a Mid-west person. I am more than willing to relocate. As it is it was my exhusband that got me stranded here eighteen years ago anyway. I am an ocean person and have missed it dearly. I just wish to support my family, take us on a vacation (I was 14 the last time I got to enjoy a vacation. So my children have never been on one.) and help others. I too want to do the Peace Corps or something similiar. Please will someone help!