First off Thank You Denisean for your kindness and understanding. I am sorry for your struggles with cancer. I am no stranger to pain; but, I have by God’s grace not had to deal with cancer. My daily struggle with pain results from a work accident that was never dealt with (due to laws that worked on the employer’s side rather than the employee) that later was diagnosed as extreme fibromyalgia and severve sudden fatigue syndrome. And I too suffer excruciating back pain from car wrecks. I can not go to a chropractor due to Medicaids little tricks. I have learned some interesting ways to crack my own back to releive some of the pain. I even have my granddaughter (that I am raising) sit against the couch on the floor, place both feet on my back and push with all her might while I lean back into it. I understand the cane embarassment. It took me years to finally acceed to walking out the front door with it. And I still will not let my now grown children or my granddaughter see me crawl up the stairs. I am gald your daughter was able to get you a cell phone. I usually do not mind having one; but, I do worry about emergencies. It is also good that you have the VA. Once I accepted Welfare til I was approved many years later for SSI (now I also get a whopping $183 welare for Shea) that was the end of all supports. I have been for the most part treated as invisible at best and treated as less than the worst of criminals t worse since then. I wish they had a clinic here like the one there. If I can not bring Shea then I can not go to the doctor. I have even had to forgo surgeries and other health care in the past due to the problem of childcare. I too can not afford to spend moey on lottery tickets. My rule is that if spending a dollor and ending up with nothing to show for it is going to cause me greif then I do not risk it. I have come to hate how ‘Welfare’, ‘SSI’, ‘churches’, ‘programs’, ‘it is better to give than receive’, have all become catch-all words and phrases used to justify not lifting a finger to help someone. Anyone willing to do a little research will quickly find out that the system is so antiquated that it is decades behind the true costs of living. The system alone is no longer enough to sustain a family or even an individual. Churches rarely help outside of their congregations. And who wants to help someone who is chronically needy. Because anyone on the system is going to be chronically needy as their clothes, household items and furnishings wear out and they can barely cover the rent and utilities. I am tapped out on all of the assistance available here in my town. I am still buying clothes new of Shea thanks to clearances (which is necessary due to her extra slender size); but, I am pulling clothes out of the dumpster for me and have eaten food off the ground. Most of my furniture is extremely ricketity and some it to the point of dangerous. Everything has been slowly wearing out around me since I became disabled twenty years ago and except for the dining set all of it was already used when I got it. The dining table though is now seperating from the base so we have to be very careful with it which stinks because it is my artist desk and easel. I am a great artist and photographer and could make a living at it if I just had a way to get it into a good gallery. But that takes lots of money too with framing, printing, transportation, childcare, etc., etc. It stinks being very nearly a prisoner of my own home because I can barely even afford to get to the grocery store much less anything else. It has been 32 years since I have been on a vacation. I can not bare the thought of getting through another summer wiithout one. So I am counting minutes rather than days now. I have hit nothing but brick walls and a lot of people not willing to put their money where their mouth is (if you know what I mean); but, no help. Like I said thousands of sites taking in donations; but, none giving out, at least not for the poorest of us. Being down to living by the minutes any help researching assistance is greatly appreciated. I am sure you are aware though of the catch 22 of the system that likes to take away any money given to us. That is why I so want to concentrate on my arts. With a hands on sponsor, mentor, whatever, so that I myself never touch any money (fine by me) I think I could become self supporting.

Oh, just so you know I have some work on www.redbubble.com: name blueccs, www.zooqoo.com: name Christine Cline and www.myspace.com/blueccs  Best of all Thank You for the prayers.

 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia years ago. I lve with continuous pain and fatigue. I also walk with a cane. If he is hurting bad enough he may be ready as I was 4 years ago to try some different approaches to his care. One: try a living foods diet also known as a raw food diet. I also only drink spring water or fresh not from concentrate juices. Buy organic when ever possible. Two: A breathing technique I recently learned is to inhale to a count of five, hold to five, exhale to seven. Doing these things I now take 1/2 to 1/3 the amount of painkillers I use to and the Ritilan I take to stay awake is much more effective (hint if taking Ritalin take it on an empty stomach food seems to cancel it out, even hours later). I would be willing to bet that a whole work up would reveal little if anything. Even Fibromyaliia in my opinion just means: "I do not know what it is here are some pills now get out of my office." I also meditate every day. I am a student of Self Realization Fellowship and take home study lessons. This has been life changing for me. You can look them up on the web. I hope this information helps. Farewell, I shall pray for you both.

Your first two drinks were always my favorite too so I am pretty sure you will like this one also. Ameretto, Kahlua and half and half. Half anf half is even beter than milk if you can get it. This drink is called a Toasted almond. Not all bars are familiar with it though so you might have to tell them how to make it. Once twenty plus yers ago I ordered a Toasted Almond in a bar and the bartender threw a bag of roasted almonds in front of me. LOL. He had never heard of a Toasted Almond. As for fibromyalgia that does have a huge affect on drinking. It is one reason why I do not drink anymore. Aviod all forms of sugar, man made, bleached cane, even organic forms. Only honey will not negatively affect you— most likely because it is an animal not plant based sugar. I drink spring water and rarely anything else except ocassionally fresh not from concentrate juice. Toast.

First thing I would do is thank God. Then I would meditate on patience and the wisest courses of actions and the proper order of carrying them out. When you are use to living with a need list that is at least twice as long as your want list you know that it would be easy to go hog wild and poorly spend a  sudden windfall. Then I would tithe 20%. After that I would buy a decent car; it does not have to be new, buy me some clothes and a pair of boots. A bed for my granddaughter. I would begin looking for peple to help me set up and run-I am an idea person not a business person (gosh I hate the word program-that to me always means a whole lot of nothing) programs to provide childcare and transportation to low income people so they can actually go job hunting, then hold down the job. I do not know if that exixst somewhere else; but, at least here and most other places do not have such a program. I wrote out a way to do that years ago. It is just waitng for the day it can be implemented. I also want to go into projects and help the residents set up a services bartering program so they can help themselves by helping each other. The greatest strength of a community of the poor is that they have easy access to others that they can trade services with. I want these people to see the blessings of being clumped togather like that. This too I wrote out out a few years ago. I also want to set up a ‘charity’(I hate that word too-to me it means money going in but not coming back out, not to those who need it anyway) where people can go in in person or online and state excatly what it is they need and be matched up with funds, another program or an individual that can provide that specific need. After over a year trolling the net I have found hundreds of thousands of sites taking donations; but, not one single site where I can go and state my needs and be matched up with that resource. And I have found sites where people brag about how giving they are only to be ripped apart or ignored when I asked for help. (Though at least being ignored is much less painful then being slandered.) I understand being nothinged to death while watching billions of dollars being donated to help people like me. Where is it all going?  I’d like to help poor artists break into the arts rather than be forced to work menial jobs and never have the time after working full time and caring for a home and family to do art much less persue a career in it. And since I am looking at expending millions if not billions of dollars with all of this. I would find a financial advisor and invest wisely. Then once I have good people to run these ‘programs’ for me I want to take my granddaughter and travel the world. I want to sell my art  and photography in prestigeous galleries. Get my poetry published. Visit and study and photograpically document many other cultures. I want to build homes in Africa. Work in their orphanages. Study with a guru in India. I want to finally after 46 years of surviving LIVE life.

And I want to give Life to thousands of Americans that like me are watching life pass then by while everyday hearing what a great country this is. I want this to truely be a country of equal opportunity. A Country that judges character not the thickness of one’s wallet. I want there to be charities where one is not TOO poor to qualify for help. Charities that give out not just " take donations".